As we go through April, I have been reminded that the 8th anniversary of Dave’s death is drawing near. May 15th will be here before we know it! Overall, I am doing well.

But, I’ve noticed a few issues steering me toward elements of grief. First, I’ve seen a few memories pop up on my phone or online. One was a video of a four-month-old Lydia “talking” to me. This was a few weeks before Dave’s sudden cancer diagnosis, so it is quite poignant. Sweet little Lydia babbling away, while none of us realized what was coming.

Second, I’ve received several prayers for health concerns. It may be entire families dealing with COVID (parents and children), or others receiving heartbreaking news or diagnoses. Some of these issues are acute and some are chronic.

One family, who I’ve known (loosely) for many years, is not dealing with cancer but other long-term health issues, which came on suddenly after a recent accident. The doctors are hopeful, but they have a long road ahead of them.

Online, the family shares the realities of their hardships, but they also shares songs and words of hope. It reminds me of when Dave was so sick and it felt like I was trying to run the race of faith for both of us. It was exhausting, but feeling everyone’s love made all the difference. Thanks for your prayers!

I do not see these memories and issues as mere coincidences. They aren’t just popping up though it feels that way at times. Instead, I sense God drawing me close and leading me to stay sensitive to His Holy Spirit. I’m grateful for these gentle reminders.

In addition to memories and prayer requests, I have been reading my NLT Chronological Bible and am learning some new things! Also, I am watching the Chosen television series. I downloaded the app and usually watch it on my tablet.

This series is powerful and it helps me see the Bible come alive. I love the character development, and it’s a great way to draw close to God’s Truth. From portraying the generosity of Jesus’ Mother to Matthew’s history and behaviors, which set him at odds with the other Disciples, the show has a lot of plausibility.

While there is no substitute for Scripture, I like to look up the Bible passages that are seen in each episode. Still, I really appreciate the creativity. It opens my imagination and helps me see God at work in my life, too.

There are some very moving moments, and I find myself thinking about the show for days. I even get a little choked up when I consider that millions of people all over the world are also watching… and learning… more of Who Jesus Is.

Those who know me best will tell you I tend to get teary-eyed when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of my heart. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing to cry easily, but I am calling it a win for being tenderhearted!

I don’t normally describe myself as such, and I used to try to be more stoic (in order to appear strong, perhaps?). Keep it together, Natalie! 😉 Yet, pain and the heartbreak of grief brings a new level of emotional acuity.

So, I don’t apologize for my feelings anymore. We don’t live by our emotions, but they can help us see Jesus more clearly…. and the needs around us.

If anything, I hope other people are encouraged to be themselves and sit with their feelings. Stay tenderhearted before the Lord and see what He will do in your life and through you to bless others.

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God, I praise You for using all my circumstances to make me more like Jesus. You are so good. Help me trust You and keep my heart pliable before You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you describe yourself as more stoic or tenderhearted? (I can be both, depending on the situation!) How can I be praying for you today?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Jesus I Believe,” by Big Daddy Weave. Instead of running from pain, let it turn your heart to Jesus. He loves you so much!!