In Good Company

In about ten days, Lydia and I will celebrate Dave being in Heaven for eight years. I say “celebrate” but that does not mean we don’t miss him every day. I’m simply trying to keep an eternal perspective because that’s the only way to keep moving forward.

I mentioned this previously, but I continue to see God working all around me, especially in terms of grief and loss. I am alright with that.

For instance, at work, I once talked with a Veteran who lost her twin sister. She thanked me for acknowledging her grief, and we had a wonderful conversation. I’ve learned sometimes I have to reach someone’s heart before I can address the “work” that needs attention in their head (i.e. their mindset or habits).

Then, recently, I talked with a Veteran who has been in my care for about a year and a half. He has been through all sorts of health issues including cancer and multiple falls.

I called this man to check in with him, nutritionally, but I also wanted to offer my condolences. His wife of fifty years had suddenly died. She had been such a support for him, and now she is gone. I knew it would be a tough conversation, but he reminded me about the book, A Grief Observed, by CS Lewis. Suffice it to say we had a God connection.

It was a good conversation, and I briefly explained that I was a widow. Professionally, I don’t share my story often, but it made sense in the moment. I was simply following my heart, grateful that he knows the Lord, too. That made all the difference.

My very next patient was a Veteran whose sister recently died after a brief illness. I thought that was ironic, dealing with grief twice in the same day. For this man, I did not share my story because it wasn’t necessary. I was able to encourage him just by listening.

After that, I met with still yet another Veteran. I was supposed to educate him about one illness, but then he mentioned he is receiving treatment for colon cancer. (He actually was wearing his chemo pouch, just like Dave had to do.) He mentioned one of Dave’s doctors, and his chemo regimen was the same, too. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

To my surprise, this Veteran has been dealing with his cancer for a few years and has almost zero side effects. He does not feel overly weak and still has good appetite. He is still able to be active remodeling old buildings! That made me so happy. I did not explain my background, but inwardly, I was celebrating and thanking God for giving this man good quality time with his family.

I don’t know why God has me talk with all these people (besides for work reasons), but I am grateful He can use my pain to relate to and serve others. No matter who we talk with each day, we can look for similarities and ways to connect.

Perhaps we discuss something funny, or perhaps it’s something sad. Either way, chances are God can use it to bring comfort. Each of us has pain that only He can heal. Once we understand that, we will see that we’re in good company.

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God, thanks for Your redemption and for using me to bless others. Thanks that my story can bring comfort and healing to others. You don’t waste my pain or my tears. All glory and honor to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you see God at work in you story? Will you let Him use you to bless others and bring healing?

Tasks: Next time you sense an opportunity where God can work, don’t resist. Just pray and trust that it’s His timing. Your job is simply to be obedient, not worry about the outcome. Let Jesus bring the SUPER to your natural abilities!

Tenderhearted

As we go through April, I have been reminded that the 8th anniversary of Dave’s death is drawing near. May 15th will be here before we know it! Overall, I am doing well.

But, I’ve noticed a few issues steering me toward elements of grief. First, I’ve seen a few memories pop up on my phone or online. One was a video of a four-month-old Lydia “talking” to me. This was a few weeks before Dave’s sudden cancer diagnosis, so it is quite poignant. Sweet little Lydia babbling away, while none of us realized what was coming.

Second, I’ve received several prayers for health concerns. It may be entire families dealing with COVID (parents and children), or others receiving heartbreaking news or diagnoses. Some of these issues are acute and some are chronic.

One family, who I’ve known (loosely) for many years, is not dealing with cancer but other long-term health issues, which came on suddenly after a recent accident. The doctors are hopeful, but they have a long road ahead of them.

Online, the family shares the realities of their hardships, but they also shares songs and words of hope. It reminds me of when Dave was so sick and it felt like I was trying to run the race of faith for both of us. It was exhausting, but feeling everyone’s love made all the difference. Thanks for your prayers!

I do not see these memories and issues as mere coincidences. They aren’t just popping up though it feels that way at times. Instead, I sense God drawing me close and leading me to stay sensitive to His Holy Spirit. I’m grateful for these gentle reminders.

In addition to memories and prayer requests, I have been reading my NLT Chronological Bible and am learning some new things! Also, I am watching the Chosen television series. I downloaded the app and usually watch it on my tablet.

This series is powerful and it helps me see the Bible come alive. I love the character development, and it’s a great way to draw close to God’s Truth. From portraying the generosity of Jesus’ Mother to Matthew’s history and behaviors, which set him at odds with the other Disciples, the show has a lot of plausibility.

While there is no substitute for Scripture, I like to look up the Bible passages that are seen in each episode. Still, I really appreciate the creativity. It opens my imagination and helps me see God at work in my life, too.

There are some very moving moments, and I find myself thinking about the show for days. I even get a little choked up when I consider that millions of people all over the world are also watching… and learning… more of Who Jesus Is.

Those who know me best will tell you I tend to get teary-eyed when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of my heart. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing to cry easily, but I am calling it a win for being tenderhearted!

I don’t normally describe myself as such, and I used to try to be more stoic (in order to appear strong, perhaps?). Keep it together, Natalie! 😉 Yet, pain and the heartbreak of grief brings a new level of emotional acuity.

So, I don’t apologize for my feelings anymore. We don’t live by our emotions, but they can help us see Jesus more clearly…. and the needs around us.

If anything, I hope other people are encouraged to be themselves and sit with their feelings. Stay tenderhearted before the Lord and see what He will do in your life and through you to bless others.

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God, I praise You for using all my circumstances to make me more like Jesus. You are so good. Help me trust You and keep my heart pliable before You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you describe yourself as more stoic or tenderhearted? (I can be both, depending on the situation!) How can I be praying for you today?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Jesus I Believe,” by Big Daddy Weave. Instead of running from pain, let it turn your heart to Jesus. He loves you so much!!

Persistence in Prayer

Jesus often woke up early, while it was still dark, to go pray. It surely was the key to His success and gave Him increased fortitude to do His work. Afterall, He came to die.

In Luke 11:1-13, Jesus then teaches His disciples how to pray. The Lord’s prayer is followed by an example of persistence in prayer. This is a well-known passage of Scripture, but sometimes it is difficult to keep praying for something you still don’t see.

For example, sometimes I pray for awhile about something and then move on to other things. It’s not that I forget about them or that I don’t think God will provide for me. Sometimes, I just get distracted by life. Or, on occasion, I can be more focused on the prayer and outcome than I am letting God do the work on my behalf.

Whenever that happens, I lay off praying and just give it to God.  I can trust Him to do all He has planned for me. While I wait, I am patient and obedient.

Then again... what if I am avoiding the issue altogether due to fear? Is fear holding me back from God’s best? Even though what I pray for is good, it will still bring change.

This came to a head last week when I was at the dentist. The hygienist mentioned something I have been praying for off-and-on (trying not too be obsessive!). With her hands in my mouth, I could only listen to her perspective and murmur feedback. 🙂 She’s in a different spot than I am, so it was interesting that we would have similar prayer requests.

Regarding that particular prayer, lately I have been taking a ‘laissez-faire’ approach. I am open minded to receiving a blessing, but I have decided to wait and see what happens.

Then, a few days later, I had a great conversation with someone who reminded me we can’t just sit back and wait for the UPS man to show up with our answer to prayer!

I had to laugh and wholeheartedly agreed. We have to fight for the Promised Land!

But then, I wondered, am I being patient… or complacent? 

On Sunday, the pastor gave some very practical tips on prayer. He mentioned the story of when Jesus cursed the fig tree in Matthew 21:18-22 and soon turned this into a discourse on prayer. Jesus was a master at getting people’s attention!

The pastor reminded us we all have mountains in our lives. He said we are like “mountain movers” when we pray boldly and actively work to get rid of the problem. This kind of prayer does not limit God, but expects He can do anything!

The other option is more comfortable, that is, “mountain maintenance,” where we simply landscape around our issues and make them look prettier, but the problem remains.

Generally, I don’t consider my prayer requests to be mountains, but as I listened, I was inspired and slightly convicted. Acts of faith and obedience honor God.

So, I asked myself:  Which of these options requires a leap of faith?

Furthermore, when God blesses us with answers to prayer, He expects us to bless others, as well. Suddenly, I saw how my prayers could be a statement of faith for future blessing instead of merely staying comfortable due to fear. Wow!

As a result of these recent experiences, I am going to start praying for a vision of all God will do when He answers my prayers. I am not giving Him an ultimatum; I’ll aim to be content and at peace either way.

Still, I can rest in the fact God loves to say YES, and even His NO is an ultimate YES.

Jesus is truly all I need.

Finally, we don’t need all the answers to walk by faith. Thus, my faith is not dependent on the outcome, but I can pray with hope and expect God’s goodness everywhere I go!

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God, thanks for letting me join in Your work through prayer and action. Help me pray boldly and with persistence. Give me more of a vision for all You want to do in my life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How would you describe your prayer life? Is it peppered with doubt or is it persistent with faith?

Tasks: Pray boldly and with persistence! Listen to the song, “Believer,” by Rhett Walker.

Finding Grace #264

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a great week. It had many highs and a few lows. I heard of several prayer requests, some regarding relationships and many for health issues. I’m grateful God’s grace is constant. He knows exactly what we need even before we ask!

Work went well, and I had fun participating in various meetings and helping my coworkers. I had friendly patients and feel like I made a difference!

I caught up with a couple of dear friends this week. One is a widow, like me, and we typically work through our similar experiences and cheer each other on. We met today for bowling and frozen yogurt with our girls. It was a fun few hours…just what I needed!

The other friend is a Caterpillar wife and we enjoyed catching up as well! We haven’t seen each other in a long time, but we talked for an hour on the phone. God is so good, and I loved hearing how He is taking care of everyone!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

When Compromise Becomes Catastrophe

Give and take in relationships is important. Compromise can be a good way to solve problems. Hopefully, everyone gets what they want… and no one has to give up too much.

Still, compromise often requires good communication, sacrifice, and possibly discomfort. An example may be fostering a child in need or staying up late to help a friend. In those cases, we hope to share our values through influence.

But sometimes in life, we can compromise our values and that can get us into trouble. If we rely on our own (limited) wisdom and strength instead of God’s, we too easily forget what He called us to do.

We start skimping on details, which may mean skipping out altogether when difficult circumstances arise. If we’re not careful, we can bring catastrophe on ourselves and/or others.

I’m reading the (NLT Chronological) Bible in a Year with friends, and we’re starting the book of Joshua this week. In short, Joshua was Moses’ personal assistant and mentee.

After Moses died, Joshua was appointed to lead the nation of Israel to claim the Promised Land. He sought to do exactly what Moses directed. He was faithful to do all God called him to do.

It wasn’t easy, but he had God’s presence and His Word. (Moses wrote the Pentateuch, the first five books, which tell the story of God’s people and laws to this point).

Joshua was one of twelve spies sent to scout out the Promised Land many years before. He and Caleb brought back a good report, but the ten other spies incited fear in people.

This lack of faith caused the whole nation to wander in the desert for forty years! They ate quail and manna morning, noon, and night all that time. You think Israel would have learned her lesson!

Yet, as we go through the book of Joshua (and the next book, called Judges), we see that although Joshua did right, the entire nation eventually started to do things their own way. 

Sadly, Israel never fully conquered the land promised to Abraham (from near Egypt to the Euphrates River). Instead, they settled for a much smaller portion than God intended.

What happened?!

Well, somewhere along the way, they compromised. They grew comfortable and stopped challenging themselves. According to Deuteronomy 32:15, they grew spiritually fat and lazy. How Israel missed out!

This is a word of caution for us, too! The Promised Land was often called, ‘a land flowing with milk and honey.’ But that doesn’t mean it came easy. They were to fight for the land and then cultivate it. God was with them and for them, but still they stopped short.

Maybe you are waiting on God to move on your behalf. I understand, but maybe He’s waiting for you to be obedient! Yes, each of us has different goals and dreams, but our modern-day ‘Land of Promise’ is also going to take some effort to obtain and maintain!

Don’t get lazy or give up territory. Gird yourself with faith and perseverance. Be bold and courageous! Put in the work and see the results! It will take some time, but anything worth doing is worth doing well.

Don’t get to the point of shoulda-coulda-woulda. There’s no need for regret. Just ask God for wisdom and seek His input first! He will help us navigate our path and bring peace.

If we ask Him, the Lord will help us avoid major catastrophes and chaos. He does not want us to confused. Instead, He has good things in store for those who are obedient.

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God, thanks for generously giving us Your wisdom when we ask for it. Help us come to You when we face compromise. May we not settle for less than Your best. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Can you think of situations in which compromise is a good thing? Conversely, when does it lead to catastrophe?

Tasks: Read these verses Genesis 15:15-21; Numbers 34; and Joshua 1:3-9  about the boundaries promised to Abraham and reinforced later to Moses and Joshua. Then, compare those boundaries to King David’s conquests, in addition to modern day Israel.

It’s Gonna Be Okay

The week after the Spring time change (DST) is always a little rough. I didn’t feel it was off to too bad of a start, until I stayed up late two nights in a row working on a project and completely lost track of time! Thankfully, I felt fine, but I was moving slooow. Whoops!

Then, yesterday morning, Lydia slept in through her alarm! We each have our morning rhythms, which is more apparent when the timing gets off. Thankfully, I have built in extra time in Lydia’s schedule, so she wasn’t really too far behind like I was.

When our morning routine gets off, I have learned to roll with it. These are the days where I don’t do the extras. That means I skip the lathering shower pouf, use the lotion that takes less time to soak in, and don’t try anything new (think makeup and hair products)!

On those days, I don’t skip breakfast, but I may grab something portable or forgo the milk in my coffee. One reason I have trained myself to drink it black… sometimes, it’s necessary!

Yes, there are days when it seems everything is just “off” or something dramatic happens. This song, Into the Sea, by Tasha Layton, references Psalm 46:1-3, which says:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”

I have been singing and humming about mountains falling into the sea all week, but yesterday, it made me think. What does it mean by ‘mountains falling into the sea?’

We don’t have mountains in Fargo, which is pretty flat. But, I have seen avalanches and glaciers calving online! And, practically speaking, this is a great picture of everything literally falling apart.

When the ground starts giving way beneath us, God is there to catch us!

Another line that stands out in that song is, “Only good things come from You.” I am reminded that chaos is not directly from God, but He will turn it into something good.

Because He is good… that is, goodness is a part of His nature… He can’t help but use my circumstances for His glory and my good. Of course, this isn’t just to make sure I get to work on time. But, rather that I stay in tune to His timing and follow His lead.

With Jesus on our side, it will always turn out well for us. That doesn’t mean we won’t have challenges, but He is with us and for us! With confidence, we can trust Him and say, “It’s gonna be okay!”

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God, You are good! You sustain me when life is uncertain. Thanks for being my safe place. Thanks for staying close. Be my strength and hold me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions:  On those crazy-busy mornings, would you rather be late and do everything well? Or, do you have a back-up plan to save time?

Tasks: Crank up the sound and listen to the song, Into the Sea, linked above in pink. Then, listen to this song, “Safe Here,” by the same artist! Sooo good!

Finding Grace #260

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full of God’s grace. I felt Him directing my path and filling in the gaps along the way. I’m so grateful He leads me through parenting issues, especially when it comes to dealing with Lydia’s subtle but ongoing grief about her dad, my late-husband, Dave! She’s doing fine today but had a few emotional moments this week.

On Wednesday, Lydia had a check-up at the orthodontist. She had braces a couple of years ago, but currently she is only wearing a retainer. We’ll see what the future x-rays show, but for now, everything looks good. Ironically, the next day, Lydia lost another tooth!

It was a good work-week, too. I felt productive and accomplished a lot. I had good conversations and collaborations with my coworkers. I also had fun leading a student meeting for around 60 students, plus meeting with my own students later on.

Today, I enjoyed catching up with my parents on the phone. My mom and I compared parenting notes, and my dad helped me fix my kitchen garbage disposal. It felt good to troubleshoot and get the motor running again. It feels good to solve the problem on my own!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #259

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was pretty quiet and went smoothly. It started off quite chilly (below zero), but is currently around 25F as I write this. A huge difference, and it feels so warm!

Work was busy, but good! I really enjoyed teaching my students more about medical nutrition therapy for diabetes. I shared various handouts with them that I have collected over the years. We reviewed portion sizes and carbohydrate counting. We discussed common myths about diabetes and trends I see in my patients (personal details are confidential, of course). This is a very important topic and it was fun to see them making practical connections to everyday life.

I noticed the days growing brighter and longer this week. Spring feels like it is just around the corner, and the time change will be coming up in a couple weeks. The subtle change is nice and it does seem to improve everyone’s moods! 🙂

This week, I was asked to pray for some big things in other people’s lives. I’m so glad God blessed them by saying YES! It is great to partner with God in prayer!

Today, Lydia had fun “camping” downstairs in a pop-up tent. She read and relaxed. She might even sleep down there tonight!

Tonight, some friends are coming over for Bible study. We always enjoy catching up! We are reading through the NLT Chronological Bible together this year, and it has been fun to discuss all that is going on. Currently we are in Leviticus! 😉

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Bring Your Tough Questions to Jesus

Yesterday, I watched a Bible Project video about “emet,” that is, God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness. I love these videos! Interestingly, the next video in the series says that Exodus 34:6-7 is the most repeated and re-quoted text by Biblical authors. Wow!!

I also heard a teacher from Read through the Word say, “If you can’t quite see God’s faithfulness in your own life, look for His faithfulness in the lives of others… both in the Bible and people you know.”

So, naturally, God’s faithfulness is on my mind this week! That said, it can sometimes be difficult to see faithfulness when you are in the midst of trials or emotional upheaval. But keep looking… It’s there!

Also, earlier this week, I was texting with two different ladies at the same time. One is very close to me and the other I have never met (a friend of a friend). They are both going through the early stages of severe grief, though their losses are different. Neither felt up to talking on the phone, so texting was their preferred option.

I wish I could take away the pain these ladies are feeling, but I cannot. It will take a fair amount of time and effort to process their intense grief. I’m available to help and listen, but I cannot heal their hearts on my own. However, I can point them toward God’s faithfulness. If they draw close to Him, He will be there strength and everything they need.

After my late-husband, Dave, died in 2013, I certainly had a lot of questions with few answers. I chose not to be mad at God, but still I wondered what our relationship was supposed to look like. I was understandably confused and disappointed.

Back then, another friend simply encouraged me to keep bringing those questions to God Himself. She validated my feelings and challenged me to not give up. Her words resonated with me as she reminded me that God could handle all my emotions. All I had to do was keep coming to Him. It was a breath of fresh air!

My daughter, Lydia, is quite resilient, but even so, she does tend to go through periods of mourning for her dad. Her grief is different than mine, and I cannot always shield her from pain and loss. Though, I can to create a safe space to discuss what’s on her heart.

Recently, Lydia showed me a paper from church where the children were asked to write down questions they would ask God. I don’t know what the lesson was about, but on the top of her list was this question: How is my dad doing?

While I hate that she has to bear such loss, I am glad she feels good about asking God tough questions. (She also asked what God’s favorite color and food were, so I don’t think she was too upset on that day.)

Bottom line: Our doubts and fears can yield a deeper faith as long as we bring all of those questions to Jesus, instead of turning away and trying to cope on our own.

Whether we come to God in anger, confusion, sadness, disappointment—or even with joy and gratitude—we are changed in the presence of Jesus.

He can handle our deepest concerns because His grace knows no bounds. It may be slow progress, but eventually, we will be on level ground again.

Don’t give up when you don’t get the answers you want. Just keep asking and trusting. God will make everything right in due time.

I’m grateful He knows our hearts better than we do!

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God, thanks that we can bring all our tough questions directly to You. Thanks for Your unmatched grace and faithfulness. Please speak words of comfort and healing; Lord, give us Your peace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find yourself weeping with those who weep? Or are you trying to bring surface (quick and superficial) solutions to deep and lasting grief?

Tasks: If you don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, perhaps don’t say anything. Instead, show up for them. Be available even just to sit and listen, or help with difficult task. Finally, listen to this song, “God Help Me,” by Plumb.

Finding Grace #257

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was bittersweet. On Sunday, my cousin’s twelve-year-old son was killed in a tragic snowmobile accident. Death and grief are difficult under any circumstances, but the loss of a child are unimaginable. Thanks for keeping my family in prayer.

Work went well at the VA and I worked all five days, as opposed to my usual four days. I recently had additional hours permanently approved, so that started this week. I am grateful for God’s provision, and I am happy to go in on Fridays for a part-day now. 

I did not go to Concordia this week, due to some other college scheduling. But, I still worked on some upcoming lessons, graded assignments, and answered emails, etc. It was strange not to be on campus, though!

Today, Lydia and I relaxed somewhat amid all our Saturday chores. I roasted a variety of vegetables and made a mushroom stroganoff that was so delicious! I also made a simple onion bagel with veggie cream cheese, cucumbers, and seasoning. It was a good day to stay inside, and I love being creative in the kitchen!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!