Tag: grief

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Worship

Scars

I’m thankful for the scars
‘Cause without them I wouldn’t know Your heart
And I know they’ll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
So forever I am thankful for the scars

–From the song, “Scars,” by I AM THEY

Well, here we are in the middle of May! Today marks 6 years since Dave died. I am reflective, and a little sad, but I know it will pass. Today also marks six years of being a widow and single mom. Lydia and I are doing well, and talk about Dave often. 

Thankfully, we have found a good rhythm. God has us on a good path, and I’m grateful for the peace and rest He brings. Over the years, grief always felt like a ‘big’ factor. Now, it comes and goes with less frequency.

On this anniversary, we always celebrate Dave’s life by doing something special. I give Lydia a small gift, tell her “Dave stories,” and point out qualities of his that she also has.

When I asked Lydia for her ideas on how to celebrate, she suggested we eat frozen yogurt, play a game, or take a bike ride after we get home from work and school.

I’m amazed that she takes it all in stride. She has proven quite resilient! She seems fairly mature for her age, handling herself and her emotions well.

In fact, over the last few months, Lydia has started to ask for more details about Dave and cancer. She now identifies when she is sad, and we are able to talk about it. It helps that we can build on all our previous conversations.

Last week, Lydia decided on a whim to wear her CAT sweatshirt from when she was a toddler. It made me smile because the shirt is still so special to her. She didn’t think anything of the fact that is too small. The sleeves are super short, so maybe I’ll get her a new one for the fall!

Today, I’m also celebrating God’s grace and faithfulness. He has helped me to persevere and keep moving forward. Overall, I’ve made slow and steady progress, but it still counts!

We can’t get through life without pain and suffering. It’s just not possible to be alive and problem-free at the same time. We will all go through trials, which will likely yield some physical and/or emotional wounds. But, that doesn’t mean we have no control. We can certainly choose to have a good attitude and bring our pain to Jesus for healing. Professional therapy may also be helpful!

We should be wise with how we view our scars and stories. We don’t have to walk around showing off our scars to everyone we meet. Despite what happens, we are not victims. Besides, some people won’t understand our pain or be able to handle it appropriately.

But when we have the opportunity, we can use our scars to tell a story of grace, victory, and God’s goodness. Scars show how much we’ve been through, yes, but they also show how much we’ve been healed. Praise God!

Our trials, wounds, and scars can either distract us from Jesus or redirect us back to Him. I’m grateful I’ve chosen to draw near to the Lord. He has rebuilt me from the inside out, and His joy has been my strength. He is always with me and for me. He has never let me down!

Over the last six years, I’ve been constantly reminded life is so short. We can’t take anything for granted, but we can always be grateful. When we let God lead us, He takes such good care of us. He loves us so very much. Thank You, Jesus!

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God, thanks for bringing us this far. We could not have made it without You. Please continue to lead and guide us. Thank You for using my pain and scars and for giving me a new purpose. I give You glory. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Question: How do you like to celebrate the lives of your loved ones who have died?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Scars,” by I AM THEY. Also, reach out to a widow, single mom, or someone else who may need some encouragement today! Small acts of kindness can go a long way!

Posted on in Miscellaneous, Prayer, Wisdom, Worship

Don’t Stop Believing!

This week, I have been scribing John 14! Writing down the verses word-for-word helps me understand more of the story. I can almost imagine I was there in the scene, which helps me feel the intent and emotions behind the words.

You can read the whole chapter here for context, but the thing that stood out to me, is John 14:8-9, which says, “Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
Jesus answered: Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?” (my emphasis added)

When I read these verses, I detect a little bit of sadness. Jesus seemed hurt His disciples were struggling to believe in Him. They quickly tossed aside His message and miracles and started questioning His character. They second-guessed His intentions.

Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand His purpose. Nor did they realize the depth of His love that would soon send Him to the cross. I wonder if Jesus ever grew tired of always having to explain and prove Himself.

I find it a little heartbreaking in the next two verses, when Jesus says,
“Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves.” (my emphasis added)

It is easy to have faith when life is going well. We may even have ‘proof’ things are going our way. We say God is good—and indeed He is.

But, there is a danger if we only say, “God is good,” in the good times. God never changes (Hebrews 13:8), so even when our circumstances change for the worse, He is still good.

Of course, challenges are a part of life. Quite often, when troubles come, our doubts and fears are exposed. Our true motivations are rooted out and then chipped away from our remaining character.

Doubts and trials can certainly be uncomfortable, but it is normal to have questions about what we are going through. As long as we keep seeking Him, we will find Jesus.

He will give us the answers we need, and/or the grace to move forward when it doesn’t make sense. In fact, He can use this process to strengthen us, refine us, and redirect us. He turns trials around in our favor, too (Romans 8:28)!

In the past, cancer and grief threatened my entire view of God. At times, my doubts made me question God’s character and love. I thought, “How could God ‘allow’ Dave to get sick?” I knew cancer wasn’t from God, and in those 364 days, I learned He was not mad at me or punishing me.

Instead, He graciously showed me that I was seeing Him through my own faulty traits. There was a difference between who I thought God was and who He actually is.

God will not be limited to our human interpretations of who He is or what He does. He does not owe us an explanation. But He does ask us to believe in Him.

The next time you are faced with fears and doubts, come directly to Jesus. He is not turned off by your questions. He wants to show you the Truth about Himself and your situation.

Read His word and set your eyes on Him, not the problem. Remind yourself of His character and love. Remember all the ways He has been faithful.

Don’t let your doubts keep you from Jesus. Believe He is who He says He is. He is your defender and your righteousness. Let Him be your refuge. He loves you dearly!

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Heavenly Father, You are so good and faithful. I’m sorry when I doubt You. Help me remember Your faithfulness. You always keep Your promises! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Can you hear Jesus calling to you with grace and love? What is He saying to you right now? Will you draw near to Him?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Your Love Defends Me,” by Matt Maher.

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

Regarding Lazarus

Last year I began scribing the Gospel of John with several friends. A handful of people have finished but I’m about halfway through. I recently completed John Chapter 11 word-for-word.

I stayed in Chapter 11 through the holidays. You could say I “sat” with Lazarus for about two weeks because I could relate…

Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary and Martha, were close friends of Jesus. They lived in Bethany, about two miles outside Jerusalem. Somehow, I had previously missed that small detail—Bethany was nearby.

Jesus received word that Lazarus was sick, but surprisingly He didn’t go there right away. In fact, He postponed his arrival for two days. By then, Lazarus was dead.

Now I don’t know about you, but a two-mile walk would take me around thirty minutes or less. It might take me longer if I stopped to chat or run another errand. But I could easily make it in an hour.

So why did Jesus delay? He could have easily just spoken from a distance and Lazarus would have been healed. Jesus did not procrastinate but stayed where He was on purpose. He knew the Father’s plan and He knew the final outcome.

To gain some insight, I re-read the story several times.

At one point it hit me: I could understand how Martha and Mary must’ve felt when they questioned Jesus. Perhaps they felt some sense of betrayal, anger, or abandonment… He was only 2 miles away. I’m sure they felt desperation and the pain of unbearable grief. IF ONLY Jesus had shown up, when they thought He should, things would’ve been different.

My paraphrase: “Lord, if you had been here, this would never have happened!!” We so easily question God with our limited understanding, but His ways are not our ways.

When Dave was sick, there were so many times when it felt like God wasn’t listening or wasn’t working on our behalf. Often, we prayed about a test or symptom only to have the opposite happen. It was very frustrating!

I know God never leaves us nor forsakes us, and He certainly did not betray me. But my feelings sometimes got the best of me…

Yet, because Jesus stayed put and didn’t rush, He was then able to explain that He is the Resurrection and the Life. He was able to do one final miracle, which pointed to His own death and resurrection. He was able to increase His followers’ faith. He was able to bring His Father glory. He was able to give us hope 2000+ years later as well.

A short while later, in John 12, Jesus once again hangs out with his friends, Mary, Martha, and the resurrected Lazarus. I bet they all rehashed what they had been through together.

I wonder what Lazarus thought about all of this. I’m sure he and his sisters were grateful to be able to understand God’s love for them in a more personal way.

Time for a quick disclaimer: Our Heavenly Father wants what is good for us and is eager that we should be whole and healthy. And while I do believe we should seek God’s healing, healing should not be our primary goal (in and of itself).

Healing is certainly wonderful, but it’s not the end-all be-all. (Hey, Lazarus died twice!)

To be clear, sickness is not from God, and it is important to take care of our bodies in whatever way we can. For example, healthy food, exercise, adequate sleep, stress reduction, medicine, prayer, and counseling are all good. Absolutely!

For some people, healing happens in an instant, but for others, it takes time. Unfortunately, when healing doesn’t come on our terms or in our timing, some people are lead to believe they don’t have enough faith. They can even feel ashamed of being unwell.

Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Judging someone else’s faith or experience is unfair and unkind... not to mention inaccurate. Let’s be careful not add to someone’s suffering or burden them with ‘if only’ scenarios. Instead, let’s offer grace and support.

Some of the godliest and most faith-filled people I know live with chronic pain or health issues. I admire them and learn so much from them! They’re tough!

Anyway, no matter what happens, whether God heals us on our terms or not, our sole focus should be on Jesus. How can He use us for His glory?

Just remember: God can use us in whatever condition we are... dead or alive!! 🙂

Jesus wept when He saw Lazarus’ tomb. It brought Jesus great sadness, and He told His disciples He was glad for their sake that He was not there when Lazarus died. But if He had “only” healed Lazarus, we ALL would have missed so much.

Lazarus was dead four days before being resurrected, which proves nothing is impossible for Jesus! If you need healing or another form of help, Jesus is able and willing! Trust Him!

Dave and I prayed for healing, yes. And though it came differently than expected, God was (and has been) ever-faithful. Dave received FULL healing when he went to Heaven. Thankfully, God has been healing my heart as well.

I am grateful that Jesus isn’t bound by my timeline (what I think He should do and when). I don’t have all the answers, but I do know God excels at bringing dead things to life. He resurrects and restores!

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Heavenly Father, You are so faithful. Thanks taking such good care of us. Help us trust You when we do not understand. In You, We have Victory! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What is your ‘Lazarus?’ What do you need God to resurrect or restore?

Tasks: Listen to “Still Rolling Stones,” by Lauren Daigle. Check out the Journibles here!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Wisdom, Worship

Keep It Simple, Sweetheart

This Christmas season, like many people, I am trying to stay on top of my to-do list. At times, it is a little overwhelming, and yes, I could use more sleep! 🙂

But all things considered, this year feels different.

Instead of my heart feeling heavy with grief, I’m excited and coping well. Praise God!

Perhaps all those years of intense grief have been helpful after all because I have learned the art of doing less.

This year, I’ve been doing more of what makes me glad. With so many possibilities, I’ve decided to simplify.

When possible, I’ve opted out of stressful activities that don’t add to the holiday spirit. At the same time, I’ve tried new things, such as putting up outdoor Christmas lights!

Lydia and I have been enjoying Christmas music and holiday movies, decorating our tree, and sampling yummy treats! She has played in the mounds of snow with her friends, while I’ve enjoyed coffee dates with mine.

I’ve also opened my house to a handful of people who don’t have family nearby.

We have a list of fun winter activities that we would like to do, such as sledding and seeing holiday lights. As usual, Lydia’s excitement is contagious!

Thankfully, I’ve learned to appreciate rest and don’t have crazy expectations. I know my limitations and try not to overextend myself. I’m grateful for how far God has brought me and Lydia!

With all the hustle and bustle, it could be easy to forget Jesus, the reason we are celebrating in the first place! By staying present with Him, I can enjoy the true gift He is:

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace

Friend, if you are going through a tough season of grief, let me remind you of the KISS principle: Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. 🙂 There is no need to “fake brave.”

Grief looks different for all of us, and each year brings unique challenges. It does improve eventually, but all those emotions need to run their course so you can keep moving forward.

For now, do what you need to do—no more and no less. Whether that means showing up or staying home, ask God to direct your path and show you His goodness.

Look for the gift of God’s grace…. Jesus!! He is a wonderful savior and friend.

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Heavenly Father, thank You for Jesus. What a precious gift! Be with those who are hurting this season. Show them just how much you love them and bring them peace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: What are your favorite Christmas traditions?

Tasks: Do something special for someone who needs encouragement this season. Pray with them, invite them over for dinner, help them decorate (or clean!), or listen to them talk of their loved one. Even a small act of kindness can mean so much to someone who is hurting.

Posted on in Being Gracious, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

A Caution on Countdowns

This has been an interesting autumn so far! First, we had snow on October 10th which melted away. Then, we had flurries a few days last week, followed by drifting from the wind. I’ve had to shovel snow several times already. It could be a long season…

In Fargo, the potential for snow lasts from October until early May some years. Even if the calendar says spring, it can feel like winter! It’s important to manage expectations, ha!

Honestly, shoveling snow makes my shoulders ache. I do use my snowblower when necessary, but sometimes shoveling is the best option. Let’s just say that for me, snow removal is still a good opportunity for “character refinement.”

As such, I choose to reframe the situation from time-to-time… On those early, blustery mornings, I remind myself to be grateful. For instance, I am thankful for the tools and warm clothes I have acquired over the years to make the process easier. I’m also grateful for my physical health and the ability to take care of all God has given me.

I am thankful for yoga and shoulder stretches which help to somewhat ease the pain. And, I am really grateful for a reliable vehicle with all-wheel-drive to help me get around.

To my surprise, on social media, I’ve already seen a few people counting down the days until spring! But it’s not even Thanksgiving yet!

Apparently, there are around 126 days until March 20th of 2019 (the first day of spring). Perhaps I am the only person to feel this way, but I don’t appreciate these types of countdowns… they tend to mess with my attitude, if I let them.

Don’t get me wrong—I respect that some people love the heat and hate the cold. I get it… To each their own! Even in our differences, I hope we can still be friends! 🙂

In my case, I like spring and summer, but I also enjoy autumn and winter. For me, it is important to celebrate—instead of complain about—each season as God brings it.

(PLEASE remind me of this in late February when my shoulders have had it! Deal?!)

My feeling is that if we were to skip ahead to our ‘favorite seasons,’ we would miss so much. Sure, the grass is always greener in someone else’s yard, but for me the solution is not to countdown to spring. Wishful thinking won’t make winter pass any faster. And, I don’t want discontent to sidetrack me from what God is doing in my own yard or life.

Before we go much further, let me fully disclose that I have already been watching Christmas movies on Netflix! LOL, to each their own, right?

Getting into the ‘holiday spirit’ is full of meaning for me this year, because while this is our 6th holiday season without Dave, it is the first one where I don’t have mixed emotions.

Truthfully, for several years after Dave died, I dreaded the holidays. I really did want to skip the entire season. The holidays were just too painful.

But, I am so glad I didn’t rush through the pain. From a grief perspective, I needed to go through each stage of processing my emotions. I couldn’t ‘skip it’ and still be healthy…

Through each difficult and unpleasant season of life and grief, I have understood a new level of God’s grace and faithfulness. He has brought me through it all with His love and strength! I’m eternally grateful for His kindness to me!

There is a big difference between anticipation and apprehension. One fills me with eagerness and the other expects the worst. One fills me with hope and joy and the other fills me with a sense of dread. It has to do with attitude…

To clarify, not all countdowns are bad. Planning is important, and if a countdown truly brings you joy, great! Technically, a timer on an oven is a type of countdown that may bring you joy… yum!

Rocket ships need a countdown before launching into space. Also, parents of young children may benefit from counting down the minutes before bed time.

In my house… Lydia has been counting down her birthday for several weeks. She hasn’t counted the days, but she does cross the days off her calendar each night. She is SO excited!

My point is to consider the reason for the countdown and your attitude. The takeaway is this: Does it fill you with a sense of God’s grace or a sense of grrr?? 😉

Don’t take for granted what God has given you: time with loved ones, peace in the moment, His presence. His grace is sufficient for this day, so let’s be grateful!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for being so generous and gracious. Don’t let me get ahead of you or be ungrateful. Help me rely on You each day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: If you are always racing to the next moment or event, what might you be missing? What other countdowns do you find helpful?

Tasks: Looking ahead can be either helpful or harmful. Consider whether it brings you anticipation or apprehension. Then, readjust. Go with God!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Worship

Wake Up and Worship!

I don’t know about you, but my morning mood can impact my entire day. There are days when I wake up peaceful and rested. But sometimes, I wake up groggy and distracted.

Either way, within minutes I’m usually thinking of all I have to do that day. Sometimes my schedule is relaxed and at other times, I have less flexibility.

Often, changes in my schedule can throw me off my routine and influence my mood—if I let them. It is my choice to adjust my attitude or not!

A few years ago, in the midst of deep grief, it was difficult to find much motivation to rise early, let alone actually accomplish anything. That was perhaps par-for-the-course…understandable.

But praise God, these days I feel like I am mostly back to myself! Now, I’m trying to be more proactive. Life is short and I don’t want to waste my time!

As such, I’ve been slowly chipping away at my morning routine. I want to develop good, sustainable habits that don’t get altered too much with visitors, traveling, holidays, meetings, etc. You know how it goes!

It’s something I’ve been working on for years, but have not always been consistent. Then I have to start over… I’m a work in progress!

It’s generally good to have something to look forward to each morning—especially when you rise before the sun. Why not wake up and worship Jesus?!

Recently, I discovered how to make a playlist on YouTube. I didn’t realize how easy it was!

So, I have collected several morning-themed songs to encourage myself and help me put on my ‘game face.’ I also have a playlist for songs dealing with fear, and one for calming me down (as needed, ha!).

Currently, I have added “Good Morning” by Mandisa; “Happy” by Pharell Williams; “Your Love Awakens Me” by Phil Wickham; this song, and a few TobyMac songs.

I just add them as I hear them or think of them.

Yesterday, I had a little extra time before leaving for work, and I just enjoyed worshiping God and finding songs to add to my playlists. I left feeling so uplifted and grateful for the day ahead!

God’s mercies are new every morning. He is so generous and fills our ‘cup’ to abundance. He loves us so much!

Starting off with Jesus sets my whole day in order. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to praise Him and receive His goodness. Worship Him early and often!

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God, thank You for the gift of music! May the morning bring us word of Your unfailing love. Please direct our path as we put our trust and hope in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do you have any early morning songs that get you out of bed? I’d love to build my list!

Tasks: Consider making a morning worship playlist. Listen while you exercise or get ready for your day! (You might need headphones if the rest of your household is still sleeping!) 🙂

 

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom

Counting Every Blessing

It’s that time of year again! Lydia started school this week! She has been so excited for about a month. She could hardly sleep on Monday night… Tuesday, she started a new school and was happy to see her friends.

I’m proud of Lydia for all the ways she’s already grown. She’s been challenging herself to try new things and be more independent. Her dad, my late-husband, Dave, would also be so very proud.

I have been purposely relying on the Lord as we start this new season. As such, I haven’t really thought much about the bittersweet nature of our circumstances. Still, this week is one of those times when it is apparent: Dave’s not here.

Lydia’s teacher seems really sweet. She’s a first-year teacher and full of excitement, too. When we met her, I didn’t want to burst her bubble… so, I simply wrote her a short explanation about Dave on Lydia’s back to school papers.

Yesterday, after Lydia got off the bus, we went home and talked about her day over a scoop of ice cream. She had a fun day, of course, and I know she will have a great year.

To my surprise, Lydia said she was glad I didn’t mention Dave to her teacher in person. Specifically, she said, “I’m glad you didn’t cry like you did last year.”  (and the year before…) I might have embarrassed her previously!

Truthfully, I’m happy Lydia seems unaffected, but it makes me slightly sad. I have tried to ensure that she knows who Dave was and that he loved her very much. I want her to be able to talk about him whenever she feels the need. I want her to be okay with it.

But instead of feeling sorry for myself (and Lydia), I decided to count my blessings!

First, I’m grateful for Lydia! She’s always a bright spot and has kept me moving forward. I love to coach her and watch her grow. I don’t know where I’d be without her!

I’m grateful Lydia and I can have honest, heartfelt conversations about tough topics. We have had many ups and downs, which has made it interesting!

I’m also grateful Lydia is so much like Dave. She doesn’t overthink things like I do! She is pragmatic like Dave and has a good perspective. Though, she is like me in lots of other ways.

I’m grateful for how well Dave set us up. Because of his planning and God’s provision, Lydia and I are in a good position. I have no reason to complain!

I’m extremely grateful that each year, we’ve reached new levels of healing. We think of and talk about Dave often, but we are still living a full life in spite of our loss(es).

I’m grateful for so many things, actually. But most of all, I’m grateful that God’s still holding us together. He has brought us this far and we are doing well.

I can trust Him with confidence. He’s got this!

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Heavenly Father, You are so good! Thanks for taking such great care of us. Open our eyes to each of Your blessings and help us trust You more in this new season. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find yourself in a new season of life? Have you been expecting it or did it take you by surprise?

Tasks: Listen to this song, “Counting Every Blessing,” by Rend Collective! It’s so good!

Posted on in Books and Movies I Like, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Book Review: And Still She Laughs

I recently finished a book called, And Still She Laughs: Defiant Joy in the Depths of Suffering, by Kate Merrick. This book took me by surprise. (No affiliate links!) It is somewhat like a memoir in that the author explains some details of her story. Her 8 year old daughter died of cancer and she shares glimpses into that ordeal.

Even though this tragedy happened years before, the book was more ‘raw’ than I expected. Still, I enjoyed it! While anyone could benefit from this book, I’d highly recommend the book for someone in the early years of grief and loss.

I really appreciated how the author compared her story to three ladies in the Bible. Ms. Merrick and King David’s mistress, Bathsheba, both lost a child under very different circumstances. Yet, God used the ups and downs, shame and embarrassment of Bathsheba’s story to comfort the author. Ms. Merrick wrote how Bathsheba walked with her through this chapter of her life.

Next, Abraham’s wife, Sarah, longed for a child so much that she took matters into her own hands. This created so… many… other… problems. I have read this story in Genesis 18:9-15 countless times—but somehow I must’ve misinterpreted Sarah’s laugh. I always thought she laughed because she was nervous… Nope!

9 “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him. “There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.” But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

Perhaps the biggest revelation to me in this entire book was that Sarah laughed out of bitterness. I imagine an eye roll with attitude, like, “Ha! Yeah right! I’ll believe that when it happens…” After years of waiting, she had let herself grow bitter with disappointment and unfulfilled dreams. Not only was I surprised by this, I was somewhat convicted too.

Because I realized… sometimes I act similarly. Whenever God shows me something good He wants to give me, but then makes me wait it out, I tend to doubt His goodness and plan. If I’m not careful, I can let that grow into bitterness and reject all the good God wants to do in me, for me, with me, and through me.

God is so gracious to heal and forgive! Sarah trusted God and then named her promised son, Isaac, which means laughter. What joy she must have felt after all those years! After this chapter, I decided to keep an open mind and not automatically laugh away things I don’t understand.

The last Biblical heroine to be discussed was Mary, the mother of Jesus. Again, this was rather enlightening because often, I read her story focused on the action surrounding Jesus…not on how she must’ve felt about all that happened.

It is interesting to compare and contrast these three ladies in Jesus’ genealogy. Where Bathsheba was comforting, and Sarah was convicting, Mary was challenging. Mary just had so much faith in what Jesus could/can do! Despite watching her beloved Son suffer and die on the Cross, she found joy in God’s promises to her.

The books ties up with a glimpse at the Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Regardless of our circumstances, we can choose joy—and even laugh—because of all Jesus has done (and continues to do) for us.

It’s safe to say, I gleaned more from this book than I thought I would.

There is freedom knowing Jesus carries us. We don’t have to solve all our problems; we just have to come to Him. We can laugh (or cry) in His presence and He will heal our hearts.

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God, thanks for the healing You bring. You are so good! Thanks for giving us joy and the ability to laugh despite our circumstances. May we stay in Your presence and soak up Your grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you read any good books lately? Do you have a recommendation for me?!

Tasks: If you are grieving or know someone who is, consider this book. <3

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom

The Difference Between Moving On and Moving Forward

Yesterday, we reached a big milestone in our grace journey. It was five years since Dave died…and five years of walking it out step-by-step.

Each moment has been drenched in God’s grace.

Five years ago, it felt like this milestone would never arrive. I had no plan and no clue what to do. (And for a planner, that’s kind of a big deal!) Suffice it to say, we faced a lot of challenges.

Yesterday felt noteworthy—yet at the same time felt just like any other day. The normalcy of it made me even more aware of God’s thorough healing. While it hasn’t been easy, I’m grateful.

I want Lydia to associate this day with goodness—instead of pain or sorrow—and identify the overwhelming Victory we have in Christ. So, each year I’ve given her a small token to mark the occasion.

Needless to say, Lydia was excited about yesterday. She woke up with such anticipation, “This is going to be a great day!” I loved her cheerful attitude; she loved the little cat ring I gave her before school.

So yesterday, we celebrated Dave’s memory and that he is safe and secure… By God’s grace, we are still standing strong! Thank You, Jesus. Every Victory is found in You!

Often, we pray for God to do big things, and then want to tell Him how to accomplish all our ideas. But His ways are bigger than our ways. Our small minds cannot comprehend all the good He has in store for us.

 As He promised in Romans 8:28, God has used this horrible tragedy for my good and His glory…so I can, in turn, help others and bless them. My goal is to then point people back to see God’s goodness in their own lives.

Honestly, I don’t need to understand the “why factor.” I am just grateful that God knows exactly what we need. His grace covers me and I can move forward in Victory.

Victory starts with Jesus at the Cross and His Resurrection but then carries over into everyday life. Each day brings opportunities to live victoriously. We have the choice to stand firm or move forward.

For me, standing firm means NOT running away from all the pain and sorrow—which is the exact opposite of what I sometimes want to do. Standing firm means not giving up even an inch of that holy ground. Moving forward is taking that first step and then another and another.

Some Victories are large and some are small. Some come easy and some are a struggle. Either way, slow and steady progress is still good.

It is strange to think that many of my friends now, never even met Dave… These days, I don’t share as much about him because sometimes the timing or mood isn’t right. Still, I appreciate anyone who will listen when I really need it. Thank you!!

After a big life change, people often get a ‘grace period’ to adjust. Though, after five years, perhaps some people would say it is time to move on. (I get it. Life goes on.) But, there is a difference between moving on and moving forward. And really, you can’t do both!

Moving on implies that we need to cut our losses and forget the past. Just get over it already! Moving on feels like an either/or option. You can either stay stuck or leave everything behind.

Moving forward, on the other hand, acknowledges the pain, grief, loss, or other wound but chooses to see beyond it. It is inclusive of one’s past and current experiences but allows for new options in the future. Moving forward may seem agonizing at first but is worth it in the long-run.

Moving on is the gut reaction—handling it on your own. Keep your head down and work hard to push through the pain. The problem is that approach is not sustainable. It uses up our energy so we have nothing left to give.

Moving forward, then, is the grace response—letting Jesus do the heavy work. Keep your head high—focused on Jesus—honor the past, and be brave. Surprisingly, we find more energy and power because the Holy Spirit covers our weakness and renews us with His strength.

Each person’s journey looks different. There is no one-size-fits-all ‘right’ way to deal with life’s pain and trials. But, for me, the greater Victory is found in moving forward with Jesus. He is faithful and can do far more than we could ever ask or imagine!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for all Your grace and goodness toward us. All glory and praise to You, Lord. Help us continue to move forward in Victory as you bring freedom and wholeness. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

Questions: What are your thoughts on standing firm, moving forward, and moving on? Do you feel like you are living in Victory—or still struggling?

Tasks: Praising God is one way to keep moving forward and refocus on Jesus. Listen to this song: “Surrender” (Fight My Battles) by Michael W. Smith

Posted on in Books and Movies I Like, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom, Worship

Book Review: When God Doesn’t Fix It

Recently, I finished another book that I’d highly recommend to anyone dealing with grief or trying to understand how life has turned out so differently than planned…

The book is called, When God Doesn’t Fix It, by Laura Story. Like the other memoir I reviewed, this book also was published two years ago, but I wasn’t ready for it then. I’m so grateful for God’s healing grace—and for how far He has brought me!

The author is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and worship leader. But twelve years ago, her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and underwent a ‘successful’ surgery. However, he now has several deficits including short-term memory problems and loss of peripheral vision. Parts of the story are very funny and other parts are very poignant.

The book has many parallels to my own story, yet both are still unique. Of course, I can relate to the ups and downs of dealing with health issues. When he was sick with cancer, my late-husband, Dave required more care as time went on, but didn’t improve. Life never returned to the way it was.

Ms. Story dispels several myths we believe about God and shows the Truth using Scripture. The Lord always keeps His promises (See 2 Corinthians 1:20)! But often, we place expectations on Him that He never agreed to do for us. Then, we tend to feel betrayed and blame God when He doesn’t come through like we think He should.

Take, for example, the subject of healing. Indeed, Jesus certainly did heal many people. However, as great as that was, physical healing was not His main goal. We see in Luke 19:10 that Jesus came “to seek and to save that which was lost.” Thus, He had a greater purpose in mind than just physical healing…

(The book gives more details and more examples, but I can trust the Lord for greater things in my life too!)

I appreciated that Ms. Story wrote honestly about her faith journey, one that has more questions than answers. She and her family have repeatedly prayed for healing but have had to learn to move forward without the resolution they desire. Her husband’s condition has not improved, but they have chosen to grow through the experience.

Ms. Story didn’t pretend to understand the “why factor.” Instead of demanding God to fix her family’s problems, they are embracing the present journey. They are choosing to praise Jesus and live for Him, becoming better, not bitter.

This book reminds me that we don’t have to have all the answers to walk by faith.

God is SO good!!

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Father God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for graciously guiding me and providing for me. Help me to praise You even when I don’t understand my circumstances. Help me to walk in faith! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your God-sized questions that seem to have no answers? How can you trust Jesus and move forward?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story. If you read her book, When God Doesn’t Fix It, let me know what you think!