Tag: grief

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Prayer

Finding Grace #229

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a heavy and emotional week. A friend’s brother back home died unexpectedly, and many hearts were broken. It is a sad and difficult situation, and I hope the community can pull together and support my friend’s family. It will be a long road to healing.

I made some good progress on several projects this week, but I also realized how much more I have to do on all of them! It’s all good, though. I am grateful to have so many ‘outlets’ that bring joy. Lydia telling me she is proud of me is icing on the cake!

Yesterday, I had three enriching conversations with people. I felt excited and fulfilled to talk with people who ‘get’ me. Altogether, I spent nearly five hours on the phone! On two calls, I walked around the house and got well over 10,000 steps!

Today, I worked on my projects more, mowed, and spent quality time with Lydia. The next two weeks are fairly full, so I am trying to get things done ahead of time. I am trying to make plans, while also trying to relax!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

A Short List

Well, this has been a full week so far. On Monday, I received some awful news that a friend’s brother died in his sleep. A husband and father of two. A beloved son, brother, and friend to many. It was completely unexpected, and it certainly rocked the small community where I grew up. This hit home for many reasons, besides the fact that he was about Dave’s age.

Sadly, this is not the first young man I grew up with, who has suddenly passed away in my peer group or hometown. My dear friend and classmate, Seth, died when we were in high school. In college, my cousin, Nick, died, as well as another friend, Wes. More recently, these premature deaths included another classmate, Clint, and another friend, Ryan, among others. And now, Nathan. All different circumstances, but tragic nonetheless.

I explained a little of my heartache to Lydia, but there is so much she does not yet understand. Even though Dave died when she was little, she doesn’t remember him. She doesn’t feel the anguish I have felt over the years, especially as death steals away those we know and love. Of course, she feels a different pain than I do.

Still, this week has had many silver linings. Celebrating life with Lydia on a fancy dress-up day at daycare. My brother’s birthday. Progress on a couple projects. Cheering a friend on a difficult path. Talking with my family and remembering the brevity of life.

If you are still alive, God has given you much grace and much mercy. I hope you will acknowledge His deep love for you today. Reach out to Him; He is right there with you.

Through several texts, my family had a side conversation about grace and forgiveness, and I was reminded to keep ‘a short list’ with others. We never know when our time is up.

When I think about my interactions with others, I think about how I want to be remembered. What will people say about me when I die? Will it be positive or mixed? Did I focus on what really matters? That is, loving God and loving people.

Furthermore, if my actions today set the stage for how I will be remembered, what should I be doing differently? I want to live my life fully with no regrets, doing all God has for me to do before He calls me HOME. Hopefully, many decades from now!

My ‘short list’ includes extending grace and forgiveness to others; telling my family and close friends how much I love them; encouraging people; staying present with Jesus; and telling others by telling others how He changed my life. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, so do the most important things today!

Indeed, life is so short, and in our current circumstances every situation seems full of drama and uncertainty. This year has been loaded, for sure. It can be scary at times, but, we do not have to fear death or anything else!

We will never have all the answers for why bad things happen. There are so many variables, and the rain falls on us all. The best thing you can do is to let Jesus be your PEACE. He’s got this.

When I meet Jesus face to face, I will give an account about how I lived my life. None of my good works will make a difference for whether or not I get into Heaven. The only thing that matters is if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on Earth.

The good things I do will be rewarded, yes, but only if I know Jesus first! We can never be good enough on our own. So, it boils down to this: Knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior.

I am thankful that everything that really matters is secure in Jesus. He comforts us in the midst of tragedies and redeems our pain. Death does not get the final word!

God is Our Rock and Our Refuge. Everything we need is in Him!

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God, thank You for the gift of Life. Please comfort those who are facing grief and loss today. Continue to walk with them and draw them near to You. Pour out Your love on them, Jesus. In Your Name, Amen

Questions: What is on your ‘short list’ in life? How do you want people to remember you? What are you doing differently as a result? (if anything)

Tasks: Call or send a card (or if appropriate, show up!) to comfort those who are struggling right now. This could include grief, loss, physical health, mental health, or other COVID related issues. Be the hands and feet of Jesus!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Personality, Wisdom

A Life Well-Lived

Christian evangelist and apologist, Ravi Zacharias, stepped into eternity yesterday morning after a brief battle with sarcoma. His death has been reported by several news organizations as tributes continue to pour in. He is already missed by people all around the world.

I have followed Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM) for a few years, at least. I am saddened for our collective loss. At the same time, I rejoice that he is pain-free and in the presence of Jesus.

Ravi Zacharias was well-known for his quick wit, intellect, and for teaching us to use our God-given brains. Imagine that! Although, he has been compared to C.S. Lewis and a few others, he is unparalleled in his own right.

When dealing with challenging topics, Ravi Zacharias could hold his own and keep his cool. He was well-respected by people from many cultures and religions. He was invited to speak to Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and Mormons, among others.

I appreciate how he always pointed people back to Jesus. He never forced the issues at hand, but sought to build bridges. In defending the Christian faith, it wasn’t about making demands or being right. He knew he was right, however!

Instead, Ravi Zacharias confidently sought to glorify God and show grace to his opponents. In addition to his passion for logical debate, he was known for being kind and gracious. He always had a smile and was a gentleman! What a testimony!

Especially today, we can continue to learn and benefit from his example. Faith and logic can coincide together. We don’t have to choose, and we don’t have to argue. We don’t have to let differences or disagreements separate us or distract us from what is most important. We can spread God’s love and leave the outcomes with Him.

Ravi Zacharias made the case that for a religion to be real, it needs to stand the test of not only logic but live-ability. He concluded that only Christianity meets those empirical and practical requirements. And then, he proved it in his own life.

We, too, can live out our faith by combining sound principles and lovingkindness. God is on our side, so we don’t need to give in to conspiracy theories or fear. We don’t need to strong-arm someone who doesn’t eye-to-eye with us. We also don’t have to defend God! He will set the record straight. We just need to have courage and obey.

There will never be another Ravi Zacharias. Indeed, it is incredible to see what God can do through us when we honor Him with a life well-lived.

Thankfully, he had the foresight to develop a team of people to follow after him. It will be interesting to see how they carry on his legacy at RZIM.

I pray for his family and close friends to have peace and comfort in the coming days. Even in the sadness, I am excited to see what God will do next. The best is yet to come!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for Your wisdom and grace. Thanks for giving us power, love, and a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7). Thanks for loving us so much and for revealing Yourself to us.

Questions: Have you read any Ravi Zacharias books or heard him speak? Which book is your favorite? How have you been impacted by his testimony?

Tasks: It is common to question God in times of loss. But, we don’t have to be angry or upset for long. God knows what He is doing in all situations. He does not cause sickness and death, but He will use them for His glory and our good. If you are facing painful circumstances, draw near to God. He is close to the brokenhearted. He longs to help you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Little Free Library, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Finding #219

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a fantastic week! Mother’s Day was really fun. Lydia gave me some great gifts, with my mom’s help. She even threw me a beach party (with decorations) in the living room. Later, we Zoomed with my family again. I’m really enjoying our weekly chat!

Work was busy, but really good. All my patients listened to me and were making progress on their goals, which is always fun to see. It was gratifying to know I am helping them!

Friday was the seventh anniversary of Dave’s death. I prefer to celebrate his legacy and that he is in Heaven rather than give cancer and death any more press. It also helps remind me that, because of Jesus, death is not the final word. We have Victory over death!

The weather on Friday was absolutely gorgeous. Lydia and I went walking along the river, listened to birds sing, and found a little free library. We enjoyed Caribou drinks and some chocolate truffles from my sister and brother-in-law. I always give Lydia a gift in Dave’s honor, so yesterday she received some STEM toys (dealing with various topics like, gravity, electric circuits, and lasers). Then, my neighbor/friend came over to chat. We talked for hours and it was so great to catch up! I appreciated all the calls, texts, phone calls, and gifts from friends and family. Thanks so much!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance

See A Victory

“The weapon may be formed, but it won’t prosper
When the darkness falls, it won’t prevail
‘Cause the God I serve knows only how to triumph
My God will never fail
Oh, my God will never fail

I’m gonna see a victory
I’m gonna see a victory
For the battle belongs to You, Lord”

–From “See A Victory” by Elevation Worship

This coming Friday marks seven years since Dave died. It doesn’t seem like it should already be that long, but here we are. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness.

Lydia continues to process what Dave’s absence means for her. It is an on going development as she learns and grows. We’ve had many in-depth conversations in the last six months, in particular. Thanks for your continued prayers.

It is still bittersweet at times, but I am amazed when I think about how far God has brought us. We have certainly had our battles, but each time, God has come through for us.

Just think: God has never lost a battle. He always claims Victory!

I don’t know what life would be like if Dave were still here. He could still be sick or totally healed. But truthfully, it does me no good to think about all the ‘what ifs,’ and I don’t have time or mental space for that rabbit trail.

What I do know is this: I have seen major Victories in my life that I probably would not have noticed or achieved any other way. For instance, I started this blog and put myself ‘out there.’ I wrote a book (details soon!!!) and started a business. I have continued learning various skills and am teaching others. In the fall, I started an awesome job serving Veterans. I have grown through parenting Lydia. That’s the short list! 

If things had turned out differently, perhaps I would not have been compelled to cling to the Lord in the way I have. And, I would have continued second-guessing myself and my ability. Not anymore!

Becoming who I am now has taken time, effort, and a lot of intention. But, I am not the same person. I am stronger and more stable. I make quicker and more solid decisions, without fearing the outcomes like I used to. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, just that I am more confident when I say YES and when I say NO.

Victory, for me, is choosing faith as my default, not fear.  This big Victory has lead to many smaller Victories along the way. They just keep coming!

As a result, I have much more peace internally. I don’t feel the need to prove myself or do things perfectly. I have stopped putting limits on what I can do! I am happy to be just me, knowing with Jesus, that is enough.

I have also made various lifestyle changes in recent years. I still am involved with several activities, but they are choices I make on purpose. I want to, not I ‘have’ to.

I have taken on more challenges and cool projects as my capacity has grown. We don’t think about grief every day, thankfully, so we are able to handle other things. Plus, Lydia has been able to care for many of her own needs. I still supervise and help, of course.

Lydia and I enjoy doing a lot of fun things these days. When she was little, it felt more like survival mode. She need a lot of care and I was grieving. But now, we are thriving.

For Mother’s Day, on Sunday, Lydia gave me a little book that she filled out all on her own. (Thanks to my mom for buying it and sending it to her!) A common theme was that I have taught Lydia to be brave and not give up. Amen!

Ironically, I could never show Lydia bravery or perseverance if I hadn’t had to face my worst fears. And, I couldn’t do that without Jesus. He taught me what it means to be brave, and now I have the honor of passing those lessons on.

These days, we play games, go on adventures, make food and art together, and laugh a whole lot. On Friday, we will do something fun to celebrate Dave’s life and memory. We may eat his favorite foods, play a game, or go on a walk.

I will also give Lydia a special gift in Dave’s honor. He would be so very proud of her.

Loving Jesus, and living a fun, adventurous faith-filled life… a wholehearted Victory!

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Heavenly Father, all praise and honor to YOU!! Thanks for all the Victories in my life (including many more I haven’t mentioned here!). Help me continue to trust You for greater things! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What Victories have you seen in your life this year? What would you do if you had unlimited resources and there was no way you could fail?

Tasks: Listen to “See A Victory” by Elevation Worship. Trust God and make bold moves today. We cannot lose with Jesus on our side! He has never lost a battle! Victory is His!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

Strong, Resilient, and Capable

Happy April Fools Day!! Can you believe it’s April already?

This day can be fun for many people, as they play hilarious pranks on their friends.

But maybe today feels like a cruel joke. Social distancing has a way of making us feel isolated and alone. I’m sure we’ve all had moments of doubt and questioning lately.

What is going to happen? What if someone I love gets sick? Will we be okay? 

Much of what we are collectively feeling is grief. Lydia and I talk about grief often, so we are fairly familiar with the concept of loss. It’s not a far stretch for us… But, that doesn’t mean it is easy or comfortable.

Perhaps you have feelings of loss or missing out. Not to mention sadness, uncertainty, and possible despair. Grief is not just about death. It’s about learning to make adjustments. 

This sense of grief is totally normal, but now is the perfect time to make lemonade.

Earlier this week, I read some words of encouragement from someone at work. These words stood out to me: IMPROVISE. ADAPT. OVERCOME.

We have a choice to make: We can try to make it on our own, or we can ask God to help.

The truth is, only Jesus can give us the fortitude to make the best of the situation. Only He can bring something good from overwhelming evil and pain. He alone is the source of all wisdom. His Name is Power!

Only He can teach us how to improvise, adapt, and overcome.

If you are alive today, you come from a long line of survivors. Our ancestors had their own share of problems. Most recently, they dealt with the Spanish Flu, the Great Depression, and two World Wars. Sure, maybe they were afraid, but they pushed through, made sacrifices, and did what was needed. And so, here we are.

Strong. Resilient. Capable.

Overall, Lydia and I are adjusting well. I am still working and sending Lydia to daycare. We are saving some time each day by not running errands or driving to activities, but we are still involved remotely. Oddly enough, we really haven’t had much downtime!

Lydia starts online school today. There will be some challenges, but I know she will do well. I’m grateful for her teacher, our school district, and all those working behind the scenes!

I feel our personal grief experiences have served us well over the years. Here are a few takeaways I have learned that may help you.

First, lean on the Lord as if your life depends on it. Give yourself credit for what is going well. Celebrate wins, no matter what size. And, finally, this will not last forever.

Be strong. Be courageous. Remember God is with you and for you!

Grief looks different for everyone. Sure, there may be similarities or patterns, but each of us copes in unique ways. There is no right way to get through something painful.

Yet, as long as we don’t give up, we will get through it together! Let’s cheer each other on! God’s got this. With Him, nothing is impossible! 

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Father God, thanks for being our refuge and hiding place. Thanks for giving us Your strength! Please protect us and help us trust You more. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: How has social distancing affected you? Has it been difficult or are you glad for the ‘break’? How can you encourage your family, friends, neighbors, and community?

Task: Fear is a normal reaction, but we don’t have to let it run our lives. When you feel afraid, challenge those thoughts and feelings with God’s Word!

 

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

Finding Grace #211

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

What a wild week this has been! I definitely felt some anxiety this week but also felt God’s grace surround me. We are doing well, overall, and the stress mostly came from plans changing every five minutes with new coronavirus information. Lydia’s daycare sent out several emails with important updates, and it was difficult to keep up. They did their best, and I am thankful. The guidelines they also received kept changing, hence all the emails.

It is a little difficult to know if I should keep working right now, but while we still have daycare, I feel it is God’s provision. As a healthcare provider, I want to do my part, and trust God to take care of us. But if (when?) daycare is no longer available, I will take that as His guidance to stay home. I’m just rolling with it! Lydia and I do still follow all the CDC guidelines for washing hands, maintaining social distance as best we can, and not running unnecessary errands.

This pandemic has caused many disruptions to everyone’s plans, mine included. I had hoped to travel to Illinois to see family next weekend. However, after some discussion, we all decided it wasn’t worth the risk of getting each other sick. While it is certainly sad to miss out, canceling our plans became an act of love. Plus, I would have probably been in quarantine for two weeks when I returned so as not to bring the illness to work. It is wisest to stay put and help “flatten the curve.”

This week, on the days we stayed home, we watched “Lunch Doodles with Mo Willems.”It was quite moving to watch this author/illustrator take time to connect with his young audience. He shared old files and drawings, answered fan mail, and taught the kids how to draw some of his beloved characters. He also addressed certain emotions, such as being nervous, anxious, and stressed and how we can rely on each other. It was therapeutic for me, too, and he reminded me a little of Mr. Rogers.

On Friday, we picked up Lydia’s school supplies in case they don’t return. Our state is going to start online classwork in the near future. It made me a little sad that the kids will miss out on time together, but I also understand why this is important. I overheard Lydia telling herself she can’t wait to see her friends again. This has been an adjustment for everyone.

Still, Lydia has been such a trooper this week. Her daycare met in two different locations, with another one next week (to maximize resources). Also, being a strong reader, she unknowingly picked up a children’s book on grief. I was unaware until I came upstairs and found her crying. We talked about Dave, Heaven, Jesus, and why bad things happen.

Among many positive other things, I noticed that Lydia got her teeth cleaned, her braces off, and received her retainer before her orthodontist and dentist shut down for the next three weeks. I’m grateful that all the hard work was not “undone” during this time.

I LOVED connecting with friends and family via phone and various video chatting platforms today. I even did a few online meetings (not for work). I am grateful for technology this week! We will get through this together!

That said, this week, I “unplugged” from the news and social media at times. Nonetheless, I read heartwarming stories online, of how people are helping and encouraging each other. I pray that instead of panic, God’s overwhelming peace will reign in our hearts. He’s got this!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom, Worship

The Gift of Time

Yesterday, I ran into a coworker on the way out of my building. Someone in her family died last year, and she is still grieving the loss. I don’t see her often, but I try to smile and encourage her whenever I can.

I briefly asked her how she was doing, and she thanked me for asking. We talked about it for a few minutes, and I hugged her before I left to go home.

While God can come through for us in an instant, it seems He often makes us walk through our difficulties. Why is that? Why doesn’t He just swoop in and save the day?

When we don’t see answers to prayer, it can feel like God isn’t listening or He doesn’t care. Or in certain cases, when we don’t see God at work to solve our problems, maybe it seems He has abandoned us. Honestly, I felt all of these things when my husband was sick. 

Thankfully, our feelings do not dictate reality. God never leaves us nor forsakes us! And, if you are feeling lost or alone or helpless, you are perfectly positioned to receive His grace.

With our limited human perspective, there’s no way we can understand God’s purposes or plan. Often, we don’t know all that’s going on behind the scenes, how God is orchestrating it for our good and His glory. But that doesn’t mean He isn’t working.

That’s why we need to come to Him, to gain understanding from His viewpoint.

God’s love never fails. As we work through our emotions and other challenges, God holds us and helps us. He is right there with us each step of the way. If you don’t feel Him, just reach out. Worship God! Call upon the Lord!

Also, remember that all of this takes time. Processing grief takes time. Growth takes time. Even forgiveness takes time. Discerning how to moving forward can take time, too.

Sometimes, it seems like time stretches on forever, with no relief in sight. I understand. There were times when I questioned if I would ever feel like myself again!

But there is purpose in waiting, too. If we wait on the Lord expectantly and bring all our concerns to Him, He will redeem our pain and make something beautiful in His time.

I have learned that time itself is a gift. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so let’s make the most of the time we do have. Slow progress is still progress!

And by walking slowly with Jesus, He will point out what we need to know along the way.  For example, if we rush through and skip the grieving process (if that’s even possible), think about all we might miss.

Personally, I would have missed out on seeing God’s sweet and refreshing grace.

So yes, take time to grieve well. Take time for who and what you love. Spend time with Jesus.

As we learn to cope in healthy ways, we can pass on what we’ve learned to help other people. Hope. Healing. Love. Joy. Peace. Grace.

As we share our stories and resources, we all grow and become stronger together. And, by extending grace to others, we notice more of it in our lives as well.

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Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of time. Thanks for walking with us each step of the way. When so much time passes and we don’t see resolution or restoration, help us trust in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: If you had immeasurable time, what would you do? Would you try to “fix” your problems or try something new or help someone?

Tasks: Since none of us has immeasurable time, we must use what we have wisely. Go ahead and take the leap! Trust God and see what happens!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Pillows and Pizza

Can you believe we are already one full week into the new year/decade?! Yes, Christmas was already two weeks ago! Just like clockwork, here we are! 🙂

Yesterday, I celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary, and of all the awesome Christmas gifts we received, one stands out to me. My sister and sister-in-law made me two beautiful pillows (pictured below)!

Receiving the pillows was such a wonderful surprise! Their kindness made me feel so special because I love birds (peacocks are especially pretty). Blue and green are my favorite colors, and the blue satiny material is from my sister’s bridesmaid dress.

Every time I look at the pillows, I not only have fun memories of Dave, but I also imagine all the effort that was put into them. They spent a lot of time traveling to each other’s homes (2+ hours away) and thinking ahead about how to piece the materials together. In fact, that these dear ladies wanted to bless me is a gift in itself!

Yesterday was a good day all around. I saw it on my calendar, of course, but it didn’t faze me like Dave’s recent birthday. For some reason, our anniversary doesn’t hurt as much.

It was about ten degrees outside (felt much colder, below zero), but the lovely blue-skied day made everything feel bright! I felt cheerful and grateful.

My mom left an encouraging voice mail while I was at work, and when I got off, I called her back. We laughed as we reminisced and told ‘Dave stories.’

After that, I ran a few errands before picking up Lydia. As we got in the car, I asked her if she wanted to get pizza from Papa Murphy’s. Then, we invited a friend to join us. We had a fun evening together and shared more memories of Dave.

Pillows and pizza. These are just some of the ways I see God show me His love and grace. I appreciate it when people take the time to encourage me and pray for me… So thank you!

I can feel everyone cheering me on, and it makes all the difference!

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God, thanks for showing me your love and grace through the kindness of other people. Help me be a blessing to others and bring them comfort, too. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are you celebrating this week? Something special or something routine?

Tasks: When you have the chance to bless someone, go for it! No gift is too small.

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Worship

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Welcome to 2020!! Wow, that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?!

Recently on social media, people were having a ‘decade challenge’ where they posted a picture of themselves in 2009 and 2019. It was cool to see how many people have stayed the same and/or changed.

I didn’t post any pictures, in part because I couldn’t find any pictures of me from 2009 without a lot of effort. Hey, it’s been ten years! 😉

Nonetheless, I have certainly been thinking about all that has happened in the last decade. After all, hindsight is 20/20. 😉 It is important to remember all the things we’ve been through. Not because we should stay there, but so we can learn and grow past them.

Here is a brief recap of my last decade. I’m looking back while still moving forward. Also, I did find a picture of me with Dave right before we moved to North Dakota in early 2010. Close enough! 🙂

2009: Dave and I celebrated one year of marriage. We also went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. The wise principles we learned through this course put us on the same page in our marriage by giving us common goals and helping us communicate better. Only God could know what was coming next, and I’m extremely grateful for the impact that course had on both our finances and our marriage.

2010: With my support, Dave decided to apply for a job in West Fargo, North Dakota, with Caterpillar. He was hired almost immediately, and that set the stage for the biggest challenges of our lives. We felt God was calling us to a big adventure, though had we known what that entailed, perhaps we would have stayed put. Still, we moved twelve hours away from our family and friends and soon settled into our brand new home and community. Dave had so much fun using his snowblower to clear several feet of snow that year!

2011: The highlights here include meeting many new neighbors and friends at church. However, it was difficult to be far from family, and we had to miss several fun events. Later that year, Dave and I celebrated Lydia Ruth’s arrival. She was named after my grandmother, who died the year before. I will never forget the pure joy on Dave’s face when Lydia was born. He was so very proud to be her Daddy!

2012: One afternoon in early May 2012, Dave came home from work early and stayed in bed for a week. He felt sick and had no energy. I could hear his stomach making sounds from over ten feet away. On Mother’s Day, I took him to the ER and he was admitted. We soon found out he had Stage IV colon cancer. Lydia was not quite six months old. We spent the rest of the year going through chemo and two major surgeries. Through this, God used cancer to expose my deepest fears and challenge my faith. It was grueling, as you can imagine, but Dave’s positive attitude will always stand out in my mind.

2013: A very difficult year. Dave continued to decline and was in the hospital more than he was at home. He had a third major surgery in April. My faith was in crisis mode. At first, he rebounded, thanks to the amazing support of our loving family and friends. But on May 15th, 2013, Dave died at the age of 34 and my life as a widowed single mom began. I was 30 years old. Even in the midst of shock and immense heartache, I knew I needed to give myself time to properly grieve. By this point, all I could do was cling to Jesus. Whereas cancer rocked my faith, grief is where my faith was remade. I’m grateful God caught me and held me through it all.

2014: Dave and I had previously tried to dedicate Lydia at church, but each time, he had been too sick. So, in May 2014 (around the one-year anniversary of his death), I decided to do it on my own. For me, it was a huge step forward because it was scary to stand in front of everyone as a single mom. But, in terms of faith, it felt like I needed to draw a line in the sand and make a stand. For me, it was a Joshua 24:15 moment: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

2015: I continued to work through various aspects of grief. (That could be said about every year since!) In May 2015, I decided to start blogging to mark our path of moving forward and finding God’s grace along the way. For months, I worked behind the scenes to learn the system and prepare. It took me a little while to find the courage to ‘put myself out there,’ but I finally went live in August. I’m so glad I did!

2016: Lydia began preschool in the fall. I wasn’t sure of where to send her, but God lead me to just the right place. Lydia’s teachers really connected well with her, and it was fun to see how she grew that year. Also, Lydia felt comfortable to start talking more about Dave to her teachers and little friends. I was concerned about this at first, but her teachers wisely and graciously helped us through that. They gave Lydia all the time, space, and resources to explain herself and come to terms with the loss in her own little way. I’m forever grateful and we have continued to roll with it as best we can.

2017: A year of transition. The company I worked for was bought out by a larger healthcare organization. My job was merged into the new system. It was scary, but I am glad I stuck it out. During this time, I also had a friend stay with us for six months while she got back on her feet. It was a fun time and our friendship grew stronger. That fall, Lydia started Kindergarten. It felt like a huge milestone!

2018: My parents moved to Florida in the spring. It was a little sad for me, but I am happy they have adjusted so well! We went to visit them during Lydia’s birthday and had a great time. Among other fun adventures, Lydia also started first grade. Our most stable year!

2019: Yet another transitional year. In February, I contacted a dietitian friend and talked with her about something related to Dave. Then, summer came and she contacted me about a new job! I had prayerfully felt something new was coming, and I am so glad I decided to apply. I have been there since August and it has been a huge blessing to me. There have been challenges in terms of daycare and other adjustments, but I am really grateful for the opportunity.

So what’s next? Well, only God knows. 🙂 But as I look back over the years, I see one transition after another. Yes, growth means changing through the ups and downs.

A good attitude always helps as we trust God to turn each problem into something good. I am looking forward to seeing His faithfulness as we continue on this great adventure.

“You’ve been so, so good to me. You’ve been so, so good to me. Oh, to think where I would be, if not for You, if not for You.” —Remembrance by Hillsong Worship

Despite my many challenges over the last ten years, God has never left me on my own. Each step of the way, He has helped me. I didn’t always understand how He was working, but I can see it now. And, I am grateful for His grace and goodness toward me.

I don’t know what your last decade entailed, but I hope you can see how God came through for you. He has not forgotten you. He fights for you and loves you very much!

Our Victory is in Jesus!

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God, be praised! We cannot thank You enough for all You have done for us. As we look back and see Your faithfulness, please build our trust. Give us the courage to keep moving forward, knowing You will lead us and catch us when we fall. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What challenges and victories have you faced over the last year…or ten? Can you see God’s hand in your circumstances, working them out for good?

Tasks: Write down the challenges you faced and the coinciding victories. Then, give God praise. If you haven’t seen anything good just yet, hang on! It’s coming!