Tag: grief

Posted on in Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Worship

Good God Almighty

Singer/songwriter David Crowder has a new song, called ‘Good God Almighty.’ Every time I hear it, it makes me happy and I turn it up! For me, it is a celebratory song about Who God is and for all He has done. But, it’s also a prompt to keep moving forward.

Good God Almighty
I hope You’ll find me
Praising Your name no matter what comes

‘Cause I know where I’d be
Without Your mercy
So I keep praising Your name at the top of my lungs

Tell me is He good? (He’s good)
Tell me is He God? (He’s God)
He is, Good God Almighty

This weekend, as we ‘celebrate’ eight years of Dave being in Heaven, we will continue to honor his memory. How we do that has changed over time, but in years past, we would eat some of his favorite foods and/or I would give Lydia a special gift. Despite the sadness, we have tried to enjoy the day.

As Lydia continues to grow and learn, she has more questions and emotions. That’s normal, but these things have been coming up more in conversation these last few months. So, it seems appropriate to do something bigger this time, like visit a local indoor water park! We might even meet up with some friends who knew Dave. Lydia is so excited which is fun to see!

We will have fun and might even be a little sad. That’s okay because we can still move forward in the midst of mixed emotions! And, I know Dave would be so proud of us.

Besides, if I really believe God is God, then I need to trust Him and make sure I am representing Him well. I can set a good example of perseverance for Lydia (and others).

I can praise Him when things are going well and when they are not. He knows exactly what I need, and He can help me get through it with His grace.

He is Good God Almighty despite my feelings and circumstances!

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God, thanks for bringing us through the last eight years. You are so good and faithful, Lord. Help us keep praising You no matter what Life throws at us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find it difficult to keep moving forward when Life gets rough? (I understand how difficult it can be… don’t give up!) Will you let God help?

Tasks: Listen to the song, ‘Good God Almighty.’ Then, praise God for Who He is and for all He has done!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Kindness, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

In Good Company

In about ten days, Lydia and I will celebrate Dave being in Heaven for eight years. I say “celebrate” but that does not mean we don’t miss him every day. I’m simply trying to keep an eternal perspective because that’s the only way to keep moving forward.

I mentioned this previously, but I continue to see God working all around me, especially in terms of grief and loss. I am alright with that.

For instance, at work, I once talked with a Veteran who lost her twin sister. She thanked me for acknowledging her grief, and we had a wonderful conversation. I’ve learned sometimes I have to reach someone’s heart before I can address the “work” that needs attention in their head (i.e. their mindset or habits).

Then, recently, I talked with a Veteran who has been in my care for about a year and a half. He has been through all sorts of health issues including cancer and multiple falls.

I called this man to check in with him, nutritionally, but I also wanted to offer my condolences. His wife of fifty years had suddenly died. She had been such a support for him, and now she is gone. I knew it would be a tough conversation, but he reminded me about the book, A Grief Observed, by CS Lewis. Suffice it to say we had a God connection.

It was a good conversation, and I briefly explained that I was a widow. Professionally, I don’t share my story often, but it made sense in the moment. I was simply following my heart, grateful that he knows the Lord, too. That made all the difference.

My very next patient was a Veteran whose sister recently died after a brief illness. I thought that was ironic, dealing with grief twice in the same day. For this man, I did not share my story because it wasn’t necessary. I was able to encourage him just by listening.

After that, I met with still yet another Veteran. I was supposed to educate him about one illness, but then he mentioned he is receiving treatment for colon cancer. (He actually was wearing his chemo pouch, just like Dave had to do.) He mentioned one of Dave’s doctors, and his chemo regimen was the same, too. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

To my surprise, this Veteran has been dealing with his cancer for a few years and has almost zero side effects. He does not feel overly weak and still has good appetite. He is still able to be active remodeling old buildings! That made me so happy. I did not explain my background, but inwardly, I was celebrating and thanking God for giving this man good quality time with his family.

I don’t know why God has me talk with all these people (besides for work reasons), but I am grateful He can use my pain to relate to and serve others. No matter who we talk with each day, we can look for similarities and ways to connect.

Perhaps we discuss something funny, or perhaps it’s something sad. Either way, chances are God can use it to bring comfort. Each of us has pain that only He can heal. Once we understand that, we will see that we’re in good company.

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God, thanks for Your redemption and for using me to bless others. Thanks that my story can bring comfort and healing to others. You don’t waste my pain or my tears. All glory and honor to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you see God at work in you story? Will you let Him use you to bless others and bring healing?

Tasks: Next time you sense an opportunity where God can work, don’t resist. Just pray and trust that it’s His timing. Your job is simply to be obedient, not worry about the outcome. Let Jesus bring the SUPER to your natural abilities!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer

Tenderhearted

As we go through April, I have been reminded that the 8th anniversary of Dave’s death is drawing near. May 15th will be here before we know it! Overall, I am doing well.

But, I’ve noticed a few issues steering me toward elements of grief. First, I’ve seen a few memories pop up on my phone or online. One was a video of a four-month-old Lydia “talking” to me. This was a few weeks before Dave’s sudden cancer diagnosis, so it is quite poignant. Sweet little Lydia babbling away, while none of us realized what was coming.

Second, I’ve received several prayers for health concerns. It may be entire families dealing with COVID (parents and children), or others receiving heartbreaking news or diagnoses. Some of these issues are acute and some are chronic.

One family, who I’ve known (loosely) for many years, is not dealing with cancer but other long-term health issues, which came on suddenly after a recent accident. The doctors are hopeful, but they have a long road ahead of them.

Online, the family shares the realities of their hardships, but they also shares songs and words of hope. It reminds me of when Dave was so sick and it felt like I was trying to run the race of faith for both of us. It was exhausting, but feeling everyone’s love made all the difference. Thanks for your prayers!

I do not see these memories and issues as mere coincidences. They aren’t just popping up though it feels that way at times. Instead, I sense God drawing me close and leading me to stay sensitive to His Holy Spirit. I’m grateful for these gentle reminders.

In addition to memories and prayer requests, I have been reading my NLT Chronological Bible and am learning some new things! Also, I am watching the Chosen television series. I downloaded the app and usually watch it on my tablet.

This series is powerful and it helps me see the Bible come alive. I love the character development, and it’s a great way to draw close to God’s Truth. From portraying the generosity of Jesus’ Mother to Matthew’s history and behaviors, which set him at odds with the other Disciples, the show has a lot of plausibility.

While there is no substitute for Scripture, I like to look up the Bible passages that are seen in each episode. Still, I really appreciate the creativity. It opens my imagination and helps me see God at work in my life, too.

There are some very moving moments, and I find myself thinking about the show for days. I even get a little choked up when I consider that millions of people all over the world are also watching… and learning… more of Who Jesus Is.

Those who know me best will tell you I tend to get teary-eyed when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of my heart. Sometimes it is a little embarrassing to cry easily, but I am calling it a win for being tenderhearted!

I don’t normally describe myself as such, and I used to try to be more stoic (in order to appear strong, perhaps?). Keep it together, Natalie! 😉 Yet, pain and the heartbreak of grief brings a new level of emotional acuity.

So, I don’t apologize for my feelings anymore. We don’t live by our emotions, but they can help us see Jesus more clearly…. and the needs around us.

If anything, I hope other people are encouraged to be themselves and sit with their feelings. Stay tenderhearted before the Lord and see what He will do in your life and through you to bless others.

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God, I praise You for using all my circumstances to make me more like Jesus. You are so good. Help me trust You and keep my heart pliable before You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you describe yourself as more stoic or tenderhearted? (I can be both, depending on the situation!) How can I be praying for you today?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Jesus I Believe,” by Big Daddy Weave. Instead of running from pain, let it turn your heart to Jesus. He loves you so much!!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Food and Nutrition, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Finding Grace #266

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a productive week! I enjoyed a slightly slower pace at work filled with a few meetings, good conversations, yummy treats, and a fair amount of laughter. My coworkers and I were learning how to use a new tube feeding pump so we can educate our patients. It reminded me of the classic joke… how many (dietitians) does it take to change a light bulb?!

Lydia’s school was doing some state testing this week. She forgot her iPad at home because she was charging. I wasn’t able to bring it since I was already all the way across town at work. Thankfully, she borrowed one from the school library.

On Thursday evening, Lydia and I went out to eat with coworkers to bid farewell to our dietetic intern! She has been with us since January, and we all appreciated having her. She helped us with our work and was quick to learn everything we threw at her!

While at dinner on Thursday, I got to hold a coworker’s sweet four-month-old baby girl. She was so cute and alert! This baby was born the same month as Lydia so there are many similarities in the timing of her growth and development. As such, it meant a lot to me that I got to hold the baby, specifically because Lydia was the same size and age in April right before Dave got sick in May. Whenever I see a baby that age, I think about those few weeks and consider them a sweet spot before all Hell broke loose.

I went to the college campus on Friday to teach my class. It was on renal disease, which is kind of a complex topic. But, I did my best and felt good about it overall. In addition to covering the material, at least on a basic level, my goal is to give my students practical guidance to set them up for success. I also enjoyed catching up with some of the staff, too!

This week, the weather was windy and rainy at times. But, we need the rain and I was thankful it wasn’t snowing! Then again, it was absolutely gorgeous today, and I enjoyed hearing the song birds and seeing some crocuses popping up!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous

Finding Grace #260

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full of God’s grace. I felt Him directing my path and filling in the gaps along the way. I’m so grateful He leads me through parenting issues, especially when it comes to dealing with Lydia’s subtle but ongoing grief about her dad, my late-husband, Dave! She’s doing fine today but had a few emotional moments this week.

On Wednesday, Lydia had a check-up at the orthodontist. She had braces a couple of years ago, but currently she is only wearing a retainer. We’ll see what the future x-rays show, but for now, everything looks good. Ironically, the next day, Lydia lost another tooth!

It was a good work-week, too. I felt productive and accomplished a lot. I had good conversations and collaborations with my coworkers. I also had fun leading a student meeting for around 60 students, plus meeting with my own students later on.

Today, I enjoyed catching up with my parents on the phone. My mom and I compared parenting notes, and my dad helped me fix my kitchen garbage disposal. It felt good to troubleshoot and get the motor running again. It feels good to solve the problem on my own!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

Bring Your Tough Questions to Jesus

Yesterday, I watched a Bible Project video about “emet,” that is, God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness. I love these videos! Interestingly, the next video in the series says that Exodus 34:6-7 is the most repeated and re-quoted text by Biblical authors. Wow!!

I also heard a teacher from Read through the Word say, “If you can’t quite see God’s faithfulness in your own life, look for His faithfulness in the lives of others… both in the Bible and people you know.”

So, naturally, God’s faithfulness is on my mind this week! That said, it can sometimes be difficult to see faithfulness when you are in the midst of trials or emotional upheaval. But keep looking… It’s there!

Also, earlier this week, I was texting with two different ladies at the same time. One is very close to me and the other I have never met (a friend of a friend). They are both going through the early stages of severe grief, though their losses are different. Neither felt up to talking on the phone, so texting was their preferred option.

I wish I could take away the pain these ladies are feeling, but I cannot. It will take a fair amount of time and effort to process their intense grief. I’m available to help and listen, but I cannot heal their hearts on my own. However, I can point them toward God’s faithfulness. If they draw close to Him, He will be there strength and everything they need.

After my late-husband, Dave, died in 2013, I certainly had a lot of questions with few answers. I chose not to be mad at God, but still I wondered what our relationship was supposed to look like. I was understandably confused and disappointed.

Back then, another friend simply encouraged me to keep bringing those questions to God Himself. She validated my feelings and challenged me to not give up. Her words resonated with me as she reminded me that God could handle all my emotions. All I had to do was keep coming to Him. It was a breath of fresh air!

My daughter, Lydia, is quite resilient, but even so, she does tend to go through periods of mourning for her dad. Her grief is different than mine, and I cannot always shield her from pain and loss. Though, I can to create a safe space to discuss what’s on her heart.

Recently, Lydia showed me a paper from church where the children were asked to write down questions they would ask God. I don’t know what the lesson was about, but on the top of her list was this question: How is my dad doing?

While I hate that she has to bear such loss, I am glad she feels good about asking God tough questions. (She also asked what God’s favorite color and food were, so I don’t think she was too upset on that day.)

Bottom line: Our doubts and fears can yield a deeper faith as long as we bring all of those questions to Jesus, instead of turning away and trying to cope on our own.

Whether we come to God in anger, confusion, sadness, disappointment—or even with joy and gratitude—we are changed in the presence of Jesus.

He can handle our deepest concerns because His grace knows no bounds. It may be slow progress, but eventually, we will be on level ground again.

Don’t give up when you don’t get the answers you want. Just keep asking and trusting. God will make everything right in due time.

I’m grateful He knows our hearts better than we do!

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God, thanks that we can bring all our tough questions directly to You. Thanks for Your unmatched grace and faithfulness. Please speak words of comfort and healing; Lord, give us Your peace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find yourself weeping with those who weep? Or are you trying to bring surface (quick and superficial) solutions to deep and lasting grief?

Tasks: If you don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving, perhaps don’t say anything. Instead, show up for them. Be available even just to sit and listen, or help with difficult task. Finally, listen to this song, “God Help Me,” by Plumb.

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Food and Nutrition, Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous

Finding Grace #257

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was bittersweet. On Sunday, my cousin’s twelve-year-old son was killed in a tragic snowmobile accident. Death and grief are difficult under any circumstances, but the loss of a child are unimaginable. Thanks for keeping my family in prayer.

Work went well at the VA and I worked all five days, as opposed to my usual four days. I recently had additional hours permanently approved, so that started this week. I am grateful for God’s provision, and I am happy to go in on Fridays for a part-day now. 

I did not go to Concordia this week, due to some other college scheduling. But, I still worked on some upcoming lessons, graded assignments, and answered emails, etc. It was strange not to be on campus, though!

Today, Lydia and I relaxed somewhat amid all our Saturday chores. I roasted a variety of vegetables and made a mushroom stroganoff that was so delicious! I also made a simple onion bagel with veggie cream cheese, cucumbers, and seasoning. It was a good day to stay inside, and I love being creative in the kitchen!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

Living Amid the Shadow of Death

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” –Psalm 23:4, ESV

On Sunday morning, my cousin’s precious 12-year-old son (Ethan, her only child) was tragically killed in a snowmobiling accident in Ohio. Please keep his parents and all of my family in prayer. There are no words to describe the collective heartache.

Moreover, lately, I have been aware of other people’s equally difficult losses, too. Whether loss of life due to COVID, other health issues, or even more senseless tragedies, death and destruction seem to be everywhere these days.

In times like these, I think of all my loved ones who have already passed on. It is comforting to imagine Ethan being greeted by my grandparents, two aunts (one of which is his grandmother), and my late husband, Dave. Often, it brings me comfort but sometimes, I have to stop before my grief gets the best of me.

Yes, grief is extremely painful at times. But while I am very aware of the so-called reality of Death, I am also very aware of the ultimate reality of Eternal Life and even the joy found in living in the here and now.

When I can’t wrap my mind around all of the sadness, I take all my thoughts and feelings to Jesus. He is the Source of Life, and He helps me sort out all my problems, emotions, and doubts. He relieves me of those burdens and gives me a lighter load.

But even though Jesus conquered Death (and Sin) when he rose from the grave, we still deal the pain and darkness of it every day. We, as Christ followers, place our hope in God’s eternal wisdom and plan, even we don’t understand it. We mourn differently than those who place their hope in earthly things.

Yet, how do we keep living amid the shadow of Death?

**The ideas that follow are not so much “tips” as they are reflections. Each person handles grief and loss in their own unique way. Nonetheless, I hope these thoughts point you in the right direction, towards Jesus, who will make everything right someday.**

First things first, we draw closer to the Light of Jesus. A shadow is not a shadow without the presence of light. So, in Jesus’ presence, we keep the shadows in perspective.

Similarly, we recognize that Death has lost its power. A shadow constantly shifts shape, but there is no hint of darkness or changing in Jesus (James 1:17). God is God over the shadows (2 Kings 20:9-11). When we look to the Cross of Christ, we will see death for what it really is. Only temporary.

Next, we celebrate the lives of those we love and are missing. We talk about them and share memories of them. We honor them as we place one step in front of the other, living a full life and making the most of our time. Life is so short…but God’s grace is abundant.

We recall that God does not bring tragedy and pain upon His children, but He helps us in our struggles and does not leave us in the valley on our own. He collects our tears and won’t waste our pain. Yes, He promises to use these horrible circumstances for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28).

Finally, we understand God is not surprised by tragedies or twists in our life story. If we are willing to trust Him, He will even use our story to help bring healing to someone else. We can choose to keep moving forward with Jesus.

He is the God of all comfort and peace.

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God, we thank You for the gift of Life. Lord, You are the King and You reign over death. Will You help us to trust You more when we don’t understand? Please bring Your peace and comfort, Lord. Give us courage and strength as we keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: In the midst of tragedies, where are you placing your hope and trust? Have you asked Jesus to meet you in the midst of your pain?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Valleys Fill First,” by Caedmon’s Call. Remember to take all your pain, sorrow, and grief to Jesus! He loves you more than you can even imagine.

Posted on in Books and Movies I Like, Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Finding Grace #253

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a great week, starting with our family Zoom call on Sunday! Lydia had a blast asking everyone for nouns, verbs, and adjectives for her new Peanuts Mad Libs book she received in celebration of Dave’s Heavenly birthday a few weeks ago. (I always give her a gift to make it a positive day, not a sad day of focusing on our loss.) We were all cracking up!

Work at the VA was busy, but straightforward. I got to talk with several grateful Veterans and had some good conversations with my coworkers. I really enjoy working there!

This week, I diligently worked on my syllabus for the next semester at Concordia. I had fun coordinating some assignments with the other professors (collaboration between graduate and undergraduate students). I have a feeling this semester will fly by!

On Thursday,  I celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary. Even though Dave and I were only married 5+ years, it is still special to commemorate our fun cruise ship wedding. Thanks for all your continued support and encouragement!

On Friday, I met with my students over Zoom (due to current COVID protocols). We will meet in-person in a couple weeks, but we had a good discussion anyway. Thankfully, they are all on-top of things when it comes to technology. They make my job easy…well, easier! 😉

This week, my proof copy of my book came in the mail! I have a few smallish changes to make and then it will be available. It has been a labor of love and perseverance. I am excited to share it with you all!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Gratitude, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

A Path Forward

While last year, 2020, was a bust for many reasons, it was not all bad. For some people it was their worst year in recent memory, but that does not mean nothing good happened.

Each person deserves to feel and grieve however works best for them. The important thing is to actually deal with those emotions in healthy ways. If you’ve lost a loved one or a job or an important opportunity or event, it’s 100% normal to be sad or upset.

But, don’t toss aside what remains.

Whatever happens, God is holding you. Draw closer to Him, so He can help you get through it. Where there seems to be no way, He will make a path for you.

I did not make any resolutions for the new year. There are so many potential opportunities to make changes, but it seems most people try to do too much all at once and then quit. Instead, I have found making small, sustainable decisions can lead to long-term habits and success. Being consistent helps!

This year, I am reading through the Chronological NLT Bible again with friends. I really enjoy the materials from Aaron at biay.org, but this year, I am adding another resource, too. A journal and videos from Read thru the Word by Word Up Ministries.

Reading the Bible is a daily habit worth cultivating. In His wisdom, God’s Word has something new for us each time we read it. There’s always something to learn! The Bible was not meant for us to keep it on the shelf!

This week, I was reminded we don’t read the Bible just to learn nice lessons or learn about self-improvement. We read to learn Who God is and understand His character. This helps us understand His love and goodness.

When we know the heart of God, we can accept that His ways are higher than ours. We don’t have to get bent out of shape when our circumstances change, or are about to change. Trust in the Lord!

Each journey around the sun carries new opportunities. We only have so much time on this Earth, but each day is a new chance to cling to the Lord and all of His promises.

What are you bringing into this new day, or new year?

You could take fear, anxiety, and worry. You could also pack in some anger, bitterness, and resentment. Those are a little heavy, but somewhat understandable.

Or, you could bring faith, joy, peace, and gratitude with you! These are a much lighter load, and by God’s grace, they will give you the boost you need to keep moving forward.

The stakes are higher than ever, but we can trust God is in control. Let Him show you how to make lemonade on His terms. He’s got this.

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God, thanks for bringing us through many trials and troubles. You are so faithful and good! Help us trust You for greater things. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do your goals, plans, and dreams fill you with faith, joy, peace, and gratitude? Or, are you stuck because of fear, anxiety, worry, anger, bitterness, or resentment? What are you going to do with this knowledge?

Tasks: As you are setting up goals for the year, remember to run your plans by God first! Trust Him to take care of you regardless of ever-changing circumstances.