Tag: grief

Posted on in Being Gracious, Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Kindness, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Finding Grace #428

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Nature Wildlife photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This was another good week. Thanks for all your support and encouragement on Wednesday, the eleventh anniversary of Dave’s death. I really appreciate your kind words and prayers!

On Wednesday, I took the day off work, had some car maintenance done, and received a relaxing facial. Later, Lydia and I went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse with a friend. Dave always enjoyed that restaurant, and my friend and I hadn’t been there in years – perhaps since we last went with Dave!

Lydia had her last orchestra concert this week, and I am happy to report she will continue next year. In fact, she tried out for chamber orchestra at her school and made the cut! I look forward to more orchestra concerts in the future! Lydia has made several new friends this year. There are only about ten violists are in her grade, and she said they are all pretty close. I love her confidence!

Work went well, and we had some important meetings about good changes ahead. However, I also took off yesterday since Lydia got sick right before school. Thankfully, I was still home to help her! I will have to catch up on work next week, but I am glad to have the ability to be there for Lydia, too!

Lydia and I finished our screens, and they turned out really well. I was able to clean all the windows and windowsills, which was probably a good thing anyway! Then, this morning, I finally reinstalled the screens. Overall, it was easier than I expected, but still a drawn-out process (about a month!). I could do the other windows around the house, but I don’t really want to!

The weather was great this week, with cooler, wet mornings and warm/hot afternoons. I mowed the lawn last night between potential rain showers, and it took me two hours because I bagged the grass (twice as long as usual). But the yard looks good, making the effort worth it! The little blue and white tree swallows are back and sitting on my deck to survey “their” domain. It has been fun to see them flitting around.

Speaking of birds, I also saw a downy woodpecker this week! I took a walk on my lunchbreak and was so surprised to see it! It was so cute and the highlight of my day.

I am still sore from all the work last night, so I am really glad I could relax today! I made some banana muffins, and Lydia had a friend over. They are in viola classes together, and she seems really sweet. Otherwise, it’s just been routine Saturday things!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

Staying Power

Today, Lydia and I are celebrating eleven years of Dave being in Heaven. As you can imagine, the month or two leading up to this day can be a little heavy. I try not to think about it much, but I can’t help it. I know it’s coming.

I tend to get a little emotional, which might show up as a soft, sensitive heart or with a short temper (not my usual!). I might get fired up or not care at all. It kind of depends on the day and the circumstances.

Typically, I am known for being steady and reliable. The one who shows up and follows through. But, during this brief period, I tend to do whatever it takes to keep moving forward.

Generally, that means pulling back from unnecessary activities to focus on what is. ‘No’ is a wonderful word! I used to apologize and try to explain, but this year, I have allowed myself not to worry about it. It has been a relief to show up as I am that day and be present.

It is funny how that has turned out. I have more energy, which has led to more courage to speak up about what matters and wisdom to let the other stuff go. I have been in tune with Jesus and have come into more of my own. His joy is my secret weapon and strength!

Reflecting on all this, I am grateful for all God has done. He has caught me, carried me, and sustained me. Right away, I knew I wanted to stay in Fargo, at least until Lydia was old enough to understand what happened. Moving is a lot of work, and I also wanted her to have closure.

Moving closer to family would have been easier, and maybe we will someday. But, for now, we are here. In the meantime, staying has meant asking for help and seeking God’s provision. He is the faithful One draws us close. There’s no place I’d rather be.

Years ago, I was inspired by various widows, such as Elisabeth Elliot and, later, Huldah Buntain, a missionary to India. When their husbands tragically died, they chose to stay where God had planted them, offering themselves to His work. I had my own reasons, but I have also seen God’s blessing in and through my life. I am so glad we stayed.

Staying put has helped me stay in-step with Jesus. This means going at His slower pace, not racing ahead or dragging my feet. As I wait on Him, I know when to move and when to rest. I have to lay aside daily distractions to ensure I can hear His voice and understand where He is leading me. After all, He holds me together (Colossians 1:17)!

While we often miss Dave and talk about him, we rejoice for the time we had with him. We are grateful that God has us in a good spot. Work is going well, and Lydia is thriving in school. We don’t know the future, but we know the best is yet to come. As we rest in Jesus’ presence, we rely on His staying power to see us through.

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God, thanks for Your grace and faithfulness all these years. You are so good to me, my All-In-All, always protecting me and providing for me. Help me keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Whose power are you relying on? How is that working for you? Are you living in your own limited strength or relying on the infinite, unmatchable power of Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe?

Tasks: When you want to run away from your emotions or problems, run directly to Jesus. His name means Salvation. He can handle all the craziness, but you have to bring it to Him!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fruit, Gratitude, Kindness, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Personality, Pivot, Wisdom

A Secret Weapon

The last couple of weeks have been a bit…maddening. I’ve lost my temper once or twice and been a little grouchy. Some of it could be subconsciously being aware that the eleventh anniversary of Dave’s death is next week. But really, things have just built up.

At home, unexpected issues have popped up, including trouble replacing my screens after getting egged and picking up a ton of dog poop from my yard (though I don’t have a dog). Then, the fence at the edge of my property fell again (after a two-year fight to get it put back up). It’s just been a lot lately.

I’ve been tempted to have a little pity party, thinking things would be easier if Dave were still here. While that may be true, I know life is full of problems, so even then, something else would likely happen unexpectedly! I can be grateful my problems are not worse, and I know many people are facing greater trials.

Work has been busy as usual, too. Good, just not much downtime to think straight. LOL Thus, my patience has been a little short, but I have been trying to bring all these things to Jesus. I talked with my mom yesterday, and she reminded me that His joy is my strength!

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV

I recently heard Jesus was the most joyful person who has ever lived. In His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11)! But He also had a very difficult life. He was born to suffer and die at my expense (and yours!). If Jesus can have abundant joy despite His circumstances, so can I.

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, which means He wants to grow that in me. The seed has been planted, I just need to cultivate it. This goes for love, peace, patience, etc.

Fruit is meant to be shared with others, to refresh and encourage them, similar to grace. As my mom pointed out, God wants people to see Him in us, so how we display the fruits of the Spirit matters. This is a good reminder to keep looking for ways to serve others and take the focus off myself.

Here are some questions to consider: Do I show joy or grouchiness on my face? Do I bring love and peace to a situation or chaos? Am I loving, kind, and patient even when I don’t get my way? Do I call out the good in others? Do I speak gentle words or bring wrath? Am I faithful even when it costs me? Do I show self-control when life flings out of control?

While I don’t expect my house issues to suddenly disappear, I know they will all work out in time. And I can choose to enjoy life in the meantime. I can find fun and creative things to do, or at least look for ways to bring joy into small moments of my day. Joy is my secret weapon as I stay close to Jesus, for therein lies my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

When things feel out of control, I will take them to the One who controls the Universe and cares for me infinitely (1 Peter 5:7).

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God, thanks for the fruits of Your Holy Spirit. Specifically, help me cultivate more peace, joy, and patience as I work through these challenges. Thanks for all You do for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Out of the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit, which ones do you need to cultivate the most right now?  (Galatians 5:22-23)

Task: Next time you feel bent out of shape, consider why. Do whatever it takes to protect your peace and joy. Remember, people are looking for Jesus in you!

Posted on in Fear, Faith, and Moving Forward book, Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Travel

Finding Grace #424

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Tulips Tulip Field photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This week was bittersweet. We laid my Aunt Deb to rest in my small central Illinois hometown. It was a long way to travel, but I am so glad we went. We even visited with my mom’s side of the family for a little bit. Being with extended family was good, and I feel blessed to reconnect with my roots.

The weather was warmer in Illinois, and I had forgotten the grass greens up quicker than in Fargo! The tulips and crabapple trees were blooming in full force—so pretty! Lydia and I were gone for nearly a week, and I was so happy to see our own grass had started turning green by the time we returned to North Dakota!

During our road trip, we stayed overnight with my mother-in-law in Rockford. We enjoyed hanging out with her and Dave’s brother before heading downstate the next day. We then stopped by my brother’s house to hang out before the rest of the family rolled into town. On the way back, we stayed in a Chicago suburb with my sister and her family.  It was great to see where each of them lived because they all had moved since we last drove to Illinois. Now, when they tell us about their day, we can envision it a little better.

Seeing old friends in Illinois was heartwarming, and I appreciated the kind comments about my blog and book. Thanks for your ongoing support and encouragement!

Lydia and I went back to school and work on Friday. I was so honored when several of my coworkers sent me texts to say hi or stopped by to see me in my office. I shared some goodies I had brought back from my trip and thanked them for covering for me. It was nice to be missed, but I was also glad to be back.

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Pivot, Travel, Wisdom

A Homecoming

There is something about home that makes you feel safe, like all is right in the world. Amid grief and loss, the familiar environment and the presence of family bring comfort. Shared memories bring healing and laughter, too!

Driving from North Dakota to Illinois always gives me time to reflect. God has used those long country miles to refine my heart over the years! Typically, each landmark I pass reminds me of my college days at NIU or further back to my youth, much of which involved my Aunt Deb. As we mourn for her this week, I can trace a pattern of blessing through her life.

Aunt Deb had a big smile and loved to laugh. She loved bright colors, flowers, music, cooking, and hospitality. She had experienced grief and loss, so she knew how to help bring God’s comfort to others. She loved serving and using her gifts.

Free Flower Tulip photo and picture

I will never forget Aunt Deb’s prayers and support for us after Dave died. She was a diligent reader of my blog, and most weeks, she sent me an encouraging word, like, or comment. It always made my day to hear from her, and I will really miss that.

While no one is perfect, God is always faithful to complete His works in our lives. Aunt Deb and my mom had a complicated relationship for over thirty years. They both have passionate personalities, in addition to having the same first and last names (since they married brothers). You can imagine how that was with small-town gossip!

Well, God graciously did a miracle in both of their hearts. He orchestrated circumstances so that Mom and Aunt Deb were each ready to give up their anger and forgive around the same time. They finally could see each other’s strengths as positive. Then, over the next two decades, they became close friends and prayer partners.

Their relationship shows what God can do when we submit to Him.

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While we are experiencing the shock of loss (all is not right) on this side of Heaven, I do know this: Jesus conquered Death and is making all things right and new. Furthermore, Aunt Deb was ready. She was prepared for eternity, knowing there are no guarantees of tomorrow. Aunt Deb wisely built her life on the Rock, and now she is truly Home.

The funeral was held at the local Catholic church (pictured above). I was not raised Catholic but spent plenty of time there for various events. These included midnight masses with my grandparents at Christmas and many potlucks in the basement (church bazaars and funerals alike). And let me tell you, that old church basement looks exactly the same!

Yes, the last several days have been emotional, but being with family has been a balm. I also loved seeing so many friends, including former classmates and teachers. 

Even though my family lives across many time zones now, we always have each other. We shared pizza, pool time, car rides, stories, laughter and tears. It was good to be home.

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Heavenly Father, thanks for the gift of family and doing life together. Thanks for Your Presence when we go through loss and grief. Help us feel Your comfort and perfect peace during this time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Is your first response to draw near to God or turn away in difficult times? What is He saying to you about this? Have you put your faith in Jesus yet? (Today is the day of salvation! Make sure you are prepared for eternity. Let Jesus give you a new heart.)

Tasks: Reach out to your family and tell them you love them. Spend time together as often as possible. Consider starting a group chat via text or a weekly Zoom meeting to check in!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Travel

Finding Grace #423

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Mallard Duck photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This was an emotional week. It went well overall, but we had a death in the family. One of my dear aunts in Illinois died unexpectedly, so we have been sad. It was also somewhat stressful trying to prepare to travel and accomplish everything else beforehand. My blog post about getting my ducks in a row was personal!

The weather was pretty good, though I did not see the solar eclipse on Monday. It was overcast that day in Fargo, and I had patients during that time anyway! We did see it in 2017, though, so I am thankful for that experience! 

At work, my manager was very understanding and approved my time off request. However, I still had a lot of work to do, so I stayed late a couple of evenings to wrap up my charting.

God’s timing is always perfect, and it is interesting that last Friday, we went to a funeral. I also wrote about how I had not driven to Illinois in a few years. So, perhaps He was preparing us for traveling over the next few days. 

We are making a couple of stops along the way to see other family and possibly a couple of friends. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Gratitude, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting

Finding Grace #422

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This was a great week. Most of the week was fairly normal with work and school. Friday probably had the most excitement, as you can read further below.

On Sunday, we celebrated Easter. Lydia and I went to one church service and volunteered at another. The kids were very excited, and we had some funny experiences together.

The weather was perfect this week. Although the mornings were cooler, by afternoon, temperatures reached the 50s and 60s.

One cool thing that happened on Thursday was that I finally hit 100,000 miles on my Subaru! I will have had it for eleven years in August. At first, I put a lot of miles on it, driving back and forth to see family in Illinois. But I haven’t done that for a few years, so this milestone took a little longer than I expected. Thankfully, my car is in good condition. I am going to try driving it another 100k!

Lydia’s orthodontist’s wife apparently works at a spa next door to his office. So, on Friday, I received one of three free hour-long facials as a courtesy. Orthodontics are expensive, so this perk is appreciated! Lydia said my face is now glowing…. I’ll take it!

Yesterday was also my parents’ 49th wedding anniversary! They are a blessing to so many, and I am so proud to call them Mom and Dad. I appreciate how they have invested in my life, and I continue to learn from them!

Also yesterday, Lydia and I went to a the funeral visitation for a coworker’s dad. I wanted to go support her, and I also wanted to make sure Lydia had the experience. She has been to funerals before, but it is always good to know how to act in those often sad and uncomfortable experiences. 

Today, I was on-call for work, though I didn’t get called in. I woke up early to prepare and then did a lot of cleaning while waiting for my phone to potentially ring. I descaled my coffee machine, did three loads of laundry, helped Lydia organize her bedroom closet, made some Amazon returns to UPS, and caught up with some reading and bills. It felt great to be productive!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Pivot, Procrastination, Wisdom

Fifteen Years

On Sunday, I celebrated fifteen years since I married Dave! It was my tenth anniversary without him here, but this anniversary felt fairly lightweight. Marrying Dave was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I am grateful for the time we had together.

Lydia reminds me of Dave daily; she’s a treasure like her dad. This weekend, we made a bit of forward progress… another project requiring more tools.

Fifteen years ago, Dave and I bought a closet organizer that had several pieces. We used it in our old house in Illinois but separated it into different rooms when we moved to North Dakota.


Over the last year or so, Lydia’s been requesting we remove the drawers and shelves that ended up in her room. The drawers have needed repairs on and off for ten years. I suppose fifteen years is a long time for particle board! Nonetheless, I kept putting it off.

Because of its size, it seemed like a lot of effort, mentally and physically. I knew I would have to do it all myself! But it was also emotionally tough because whenever I saw it, I could envision Dave installing it with great love and attention to detail. Oh, how he loved Lydia and wanted the best for her!

Well, thanks to our recent break from work and school, I finally felt relaxed and ready to tackle it. Lydia cleaned it out and cleared space. Then, I unscrewed it from the wall. We removed the drawers and shelves before I slowly pulled the unit down to the floor.

I’m pretty sure that the unit was just waiting to come down! Almost with a sigh of relief, it fell into two sections before hitting the floor! I could see what was happening, so I was prepared. Ironically, it saved me the effort of prying it loose! Then, the hinges on the door gave way, and the rest just came apart.

Finally, I carried it to the curb for garbage pickup on Monday. Lydia promptly moved her desk into that new space. It fits perfectly. In fact, the desk looks much better there than sticking out from the window, its previous location.



In hindsight, it was almost as if the wardrobe was just holding together until I could finally release it. It felt like an object lesson, a statement: It’s okay to hold onto the past for a little while, but it’s also good to let it go. That’s part of healing and moving forward.

I don’t know if you need to let something go… but maybe it’s time. It’s not that it means less now, but consider how you have grown past the point of needing it. Or, perhaps it is keeping you from growth.

Then again, maybe there’s nothing holding you back… But are you holding something else back? No rush. No pressure. Just something to consider. As Lysa TerKeurst says, “Emotions are indicators, not dictators.” God wants us to live a full life. But life is short, and we don’t have time to waste. 

Ultimately, we want to listen to Jesus and follow His timing in our lives. We don’t have to be afraid; He is trustworthy. He will make it clear when we need to keep moving forward!

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God, thanks for blessing me, protecting me, and providing for me. Thanks for the reminder to let go of things that aren’t good for me anymore so I can follow You more closely. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions: What is God asking you to do as a result of this blog post? Is there something holding you back from following Him?

Tasks: Take a little inventory of your environment, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Be brave and let go of what is not serving you well. Trust Jesus and keep moving forward!

Posted on in Gratitude, Journey of Grace, Kindness, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Pivot, Wisdom, Worship

Big Star or Bust

It amazes me how the Nativity story is something we have heard and read about year after year, but it always has something new for us!

Whether you think about it from the perspective of the Shepherds, Mary, Joseph, the Angels, Wisemen, or even the animals (surely they were surprised, too!), there are so many angles! In other parts of the Gospel of Luke, I’m sure Anna, Simeon, and Elizabeth had some important insights, too.

All of the people in the Nativity story had their lives interrupted by a little baby. And, not just any baby; Jesus was/is God!

It’s likely they were each struggling in one way or another. The Roman occupation would not have been easy. Mary, Joseph, and the Shepherds were not made of money. Even the Wisemen would have been worn out from a lengthy journey. Nonetheless, they all regrouped and went with it, apparently!

Lydia made a funny comment about the Wisemen recently, who would have traveled several months or possibly years. She said, “What if they had a sign on their caravan that said ‘Big Star or Bust?!'” We both laughed, but it made me think a bit more.

Free sirius star big dog illustration

Do I go all in as I seek Jesus? Well, I usually try to, but my cracked car windshield is getting replaced today. With the colder weather, I didn’t want to take any chances.

It was rather inconvenient, and I was at a loss for what to do. Then, two friends were willing to help me swap my car with a rental after work (yesterday and today). God knows what I need and how to solve it!

Oddly enough, the car I ended up with last night was not the one I rented; it was one that was available! I could choose between a big truck, a little truck, a minivan, and a Chevy Spark. I was thinking of just getting back and forth to work and didn’t want to have to figure out the size and spacing on the fly. So, I chose the compact Chevy and laughed all the way home.

See the picture – it looks like the back half of the car is missing! At least I saved a little money with the smaller car! 😉

Sometimes, “Big Star or Bust” has to be a group effort. We are not meant to live in isolation. Even Jesus had a family and friends, as he ran a public ministry. He had to rely on others to some degree. Although He was often on the go, He always had time for what mattered.

This season can be tough in many ways. Hustling and bustling often lead to stress, while high expectations can lead to disappointment when things don’t go as planned. If you are dealing with grief or loss, well, that can take sorrow to a whole new level.

I know full well the grief cycle mixed with holidays. Feel free to look back on just about any post from each December I have blogged (starting in 2015). Each year has gotten a little better, thankfully! And, I am grateful for all the continued prayers and support.

Perhaps your “Big Star or Bust” journey is different than mine. Your strengths and challenges are unique, but so are your resources. God’s grace is sufficient whether you have a lot or a little. Just keep bringing Him your best, and be willing to accept a little help along the way!

Keep moving forward, and you will find the Prize you seek (Jesus!) if you don’t give up. #bigstarorbust

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God, thanks for the gift of laughter amid a potentially difficult season. Thanks for taking good care of us. Help us chase after you with all our hearts. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you have a “Big Star or Bust” experience?! How are you pursuing Jesus this week? What does that look like for you?

Task: Whatever challenges you face today, turn your face to Jesus. Seek Him with all you’ve got. He completely understands and will never let you down!

Posted on in Being Gracious, Food and Nutrition, Journey of Grace, Kindness, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

The last two days, work has been a little hectic. Not bad, just busy.

I already had a full schedule without much time in between patients. And then, I had some unexpected phone calls to return. Phone calls are normal, but these were a little more involved and time-consuming.

I ‘inherited’ a complex patient with many medical problems. I was assigned to take over after they made unfounded complaints about a very qualified coworker. Simply put, the patient’s family did not get the answers they wanted, and sadly, his prognosis is difficult to accept.

This patient requires a feeding tube, but it’s unusual due to how the tube was placed and medical complications (not related to his VA care). To start, the patient has cancer and is undergoing multiple treatments. But the bad news just keeps piling up.

In many ways,  it reminds me of Dave’s own cancer battle… and my emotional reactions. Unfortunately, this patient has even more medical issues, if you can imagine that.

Free Doctor Doctor'S Office photo and picture

So, while I am empathetic towards the patient, he has a lot of needs. I have years of experience to draw upon, but each situation is different. I have fought to get them what they need, but more than once, the family has put me on the spot. While I encourage advocacy for loved ones, I consistently do my best to provide the highest level of care.

In the past, with other patients, I occasionally have been yelled at when trying to get to the bottom of certain challenges. For instance, I won’t order something if it puts the patient at more risk. I wait until I have adequate justification, but patients sometimes argue and make their own decisions anyway (which is their right). While it doesn’t happen often, this week, I felt circumstances were going in that direction.

Even though the patient’s family had been friendly on the phone, they went to other sources to try and get what I wasn’t quite ready to provide. I was still gathering information and needed them to work with me, not against me. Nonetheless, it made me feel like they thought I wasn’t doing my job.

And reflecting on my own journey, I remembered my fight is not against other people (Ephesians 6:12). Still, I dreaded calling the patient again. 

Then yesterday morning, I was in my car getting ready to walk inside to my office. I was stalling by listening to the radio in my car. One of my favorite songs, “Battle Belongs,” by Phil Wickham, came on. (Sample lyrics below)

When all I see is the battle, You see my victory
When all I see is the mountain, You see a mountain moved
And as I walk through the shadow, Your love surrounds me
There’s nothing to fear now for I am safe with You
So when I fight, I’ll fight on my knees
With my hands lifted high
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
And every fear I lay at Your feet
I’ll sing through the night
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
And if You are for me, who can be against me? Yeah
For Jesus, there’s nothing impossible for You
When all I see are the ashes, You see the beauty
Thank You God
When all I see is a cross, God, You see the empty tomb
So when I fight, I’ll fight on my knees
With my hands lifted high
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
And every fear I lay at Your feet
I’ll sing through the night
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
Almighty fortress, You go before us
Nothing can stand against the power of our God
You shine in the shadow, You win every battle
Nothing can stand against the power of our God
Nurse placed adapter in equipment probe of enteral nutrition, palliative care in hospital, conceptual image, composition hotizontal Nurse placed adapter in equipment probe of enteral nutrition, palliative care in hospital, conceptual image, composition hotizontal enteral nutrition stock pictures, royalty-free photos & images

Singing along, I was gently reminded that not only is God for me, He is also for my patient and his family. Not only is He for us as people, but He is also 100% against cancer. God will always aim for a win-win, and only He has the power to do it time and again!

Yes, I remembered this battle belongs to the Lord. So, I decided to let God fight for me, knowing He is also fighting for my patient. I had a good brainstorming session with two of my coworkers, including the specialist on the case before me. I was still nervous to call, but when I did, a creative temporary solution had already been provided. They were going to try that, and I’ll check back with them later this week. 

It’s still a very tough trial, and short of a miracle, this patient will continue to decline. But, while it’s my job to care for him nutritionally, I also feel responsible to pray for his comfort, healing, and well-being. Similarly, I can respond with grace and compassion, since I know what it feels like when the tables are turned.

Ultimately, Jesus is our living hope. There is no need to fear. We can trust Him in all things because He has already won the war, and our Victory is in Him!

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God, You are so good. Thanks for taking good care of all my patients and me. Thanks for fighting our battles, Lord. Help us rely on You and share Your love with others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you ever been in a similar situation, where you are doing your best and people misjudge your effort (or you feel like they are)? How did you handle it?

Tasks: Remember that fear and dread are not from God. Put your trust in Jesus, and watch Him fight your battles.