Moving Forward During the Holidays

Yesterday was my late husband Dave’s 46th birthday, our twelfth without him here. To celebrate, I usually give Lydia a gift in his honor. When she was little, it was a way to connect with her dad since she was so little when he died. She does not remember him but can still feel close.

So, on Monday night, Lydia got her ears pierced with a second hole. She had wanted this for a while, and it just happened to work out this week. We had an appointment at a tattoo shop, and I bet Dave would have loved it! He was usually up for an adventure and understood some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet have tons of tattoos. 🙂

Dave didn’t have any tattoos, and neither do I. But I opted for the tattoo place because Lydia had a little trouble after getting her ears pierced the first time at a box store. I wanted to be able to go back and talk with someone knowledgeable if needed. Thankfully, she is doing fine now!

The man at the tattoo shop reminded me a lot of Dave’s good-naturedness. He was cheerful and friendly,  able to converse on a wide variety of topics, eager to help, and a good teacher. He has three kids and loves Christmas movies. He was a lot of fun, and if I ever did decide to get a tattoo, I know I’d be in good hands. 😉

Meeting the tattoo artist was a surprising breath of fresh air! I did not expect the experience to be so intriguing. As I listened to him chat away, I thought about how his excitement and passion for his work and life mimic how we Christians should represent Jesus.

I don’t know if this man knows Jesus, but I pray he does. His zest for life was contagious, and I envisioned the spiritual impact he could have. His little tattoo shop has ministry potential! I have a few friends with similar personalities, and they make following Jesus fun!

Free Joy Christmas Tree photo and picture

Did you know Jesus was the most joyful person who ever lived? Despite being born into poverty, He lived a full and fulfilled life. Despite coming to die (on purpose!), He lived out his mission. He was empowered by the Holy Spirit and stayed connected to His Father.

I love how we can connect to God all throughout our day and in various places. Who knew I would see glimpses of Jesus (and even Dave!) at a tattoo shop?! It is cool to read in Isaiah 49:16 that God has written (or tattooed) our names on His hands!

The holidays can be tough for many people, and if you are struggling, I would encourage you to keep your eyes open. Look for joy in unexpected places. Keep moving forward. Jesus is with you and for you. Put your trust in Him, and let Him surprise you!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for all the ways You show up and surprise us with Your goodness. Help us navigate our complex emotions. Help us move forward with Your joy, peace, and grace this season. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you have any tattoos? How is your holiday season going so far?!

Task: Take each day as it comes. Look for Jesus and stay present with Him.

Don’t Fall Prey to Fear

Last week, I talked about seeking peace and avoiding distractions, largely regarding busyness. But I also recognize that fear, anxiety, and worry are a triple threat to maintaining our peace.

This season brings many emotions, such as joy, gratitude, sadness, grief, and stress. While there is so much to enjoy, it is okay to have mixed emotions. Let’s be alert for those, like fear, that would drive us away from God’s infinite LOVE.

You know I must have very specific reasons for living in a state with around six months of winter! Often, I don’t mind, but the amount of snow can sometimes be a little much at times. It becomes even more nerve-wracking if there’s ice involved. Combined with winter’s darker, early nights, I must be on guard and protect my peace.

Thankfully, God has taught me a lot about dealing with fear! I can pray for His help, reframe the situation, apply the Truth of Scripture, and switch my focus outward in service to others. Fear threatens to trap us, but we don’t have to fall prey to fear!

In practical terms, I can also dress warm, have a good attitude, go slow when needed, and thank God for all-wheel drive. I can listen to the radio, especially the Christmas carols at this time of year! I can stop and run errands nearby to wait out the traffic, if needed.

Free Nature Winter photo and picture

Another way to guard my peace is to monitor what is going into and coming out of my heart and mind. The radio can be encouraging, but often, listening to the news is not. I can read the details instead and monitor it as I go. What goes in must come out eventually, and speaking the Truth with grace and kindness is a better alternative to gossip.

Monitoring energy levels may also be helpful at this time of year! If something is draining my peace, I might be giving in fear. If it brings rejuvenation, I’m more likely to be on the right path! Faith is a stretch, but God rewards and encourages us along the way.

During the holidays, it is easy to do things without always connecting with why. Traditions are great, but sometimes we lose the intention. We cannot allow holiday traditions or daily activities to take our eyes off Jesus. Ideally, these joyous events should point us to Him!

If you are not “into” something this year, have the courage to skip it or change it. It’s okay to do something different that is more meaningful! Instead of feeling stuck, at least discuss it with your family. Perhaps you can take a step of faith and connect with Jesus in a new way while building memories together!

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God, thanks for giving us Jesus, the Reason for the Season. Help us keep our focus on You. Give us wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Questions: What are your favorite Christmas traditions? Do you do them every year or rotate between them? I like to make certain foods but don’t necessarily have a strict timeline!

Tasks: Make a list of the activities you want to do this holiday season. Match each one to your energy levels, which may ebb and flow. Choose the best and let go of the rest. Or, do some of them in January! 😉

Don’t Settle for a Piece of Peace

Christmastime is here again! This year, I feel pretty good about the season. I am staying in the moment and not looking too far ahead.

Lydia and I have various holiday plans, but overall, this year has been a practice of stepping back and doing less. That feels like a wise game plan in a season of mixed grief and joy. Thankfully, I can handle it better each year!

On Sunday, one of our pastors started Advent with a sermon on peace. His mom died this past summer, so I know he is sad and missing her. His family celebrations will look different this year, and I appreciated him sharing his heart.

The pastor’s main point was that we can’t have true peace without Jesus, the Prince of Peace. He encouraged us to go all-in with Jesus and not just accept ‘a piece of His peace.’

Jesus came as a tiny, vulnerable baby during a time known as Pax Romana, which was a military-and-government-forced peace. Yet, true peace cannot be coerced or earned. It is a gift from God, and He gives abundantly and in full.

Free Gifts Christmas photo and picture

Jesus’ peace in our hearts is like an emotional regulator or umpire. If our hearts are anxious, we should do whatever it takes to return to peace. The Holy Spirit can show us how to do that, but we must be quiet/still enough to hear Him and follow through.

For me, that means changing the channel when a slow, sad song or show comes on. I draw a boundary line because I don’t need to add any extra emotional tension. I don’t want my focus to be on uncertainty and distraction but on Jesus!

Sometimes, we have to fight to maintain peace. After all, we are called to be peacemakers, not necessarily peacekeepers. We cannot live for the status quo. We must continue growing and changing to better reflect God’s goodness and grace.

This season can be rather chaotic at times. Peace in this season will look different than at other times. Most of us have traditions, parties, and obligations. I encourage you to consider what is most important and stick with it.

That could mean doing something out of your comfort zone, perhaps trying something new. Or, maybe it’s saying no to anything that threatens your peace. Sometimes, peace means having a difficult conversation, knowing you must deal with the awkward stuff to resolve it. Whatever it takes!

One of the best ways to maintain our sense of godly peace is to focus on His Word. Consider reviewing a Bible verse a day; write it on a notecard and place it on your bathroom mirror. Or, try memorizing it. Here are some verses to get you going!

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God, thanks for the gift of Peace! Thank You for Jesus! When life gets busy, may we keep our eyes on You. Give us strength and endurance. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your top priorities this holiday season? How are you going to keep Jesus at the center?

Task: Slow down and take stock of your heart each day. Check in with God and listen to His soft whispers of love and grace. Then, do whatever you can to stay close to Him. He is the Source of Life and Peace!

Safe and Secure

As we start the holiday season, we have so much to be thankful for.  This includes Lydia and other family, friends, my health, job, house, food, and car, etc. People are infinitely more important than “stuff,” but I am grateful for all God has given me to steward.

I spent a little time this week sending notes or texts to some friends and family who have lost loved ones this year. Those “firsts” can be so difficult, as you can imagine or personally understand.

While thinking about my Aunt Deb, late husband Dave, and others, I was sad but also a little encouraged. I know they had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and are with Him now. Therefore, I can rejoice and not worry. Thank You, Jesus!

Life rarely turns out how we think it will. Despite prayer and living a good, godly life, abundant detours exist! Yet, no matter what happens in this life, those of us who belong to God are safe and secure in Jesus. As someone with a history of fear, this brings me great comfort and boldness.

God’s grace and power cover me. I don’t have to make the ‘safe’ decision out of fear. I can choose to live by faith and freedom, knowing God leads me and holds onto me. He is my safety net and my Defender. This is not a license to be irresponsible, but I don’t have to let fear be my default.

Free Rocks Steps photo and picture

I don’t know what plans we will make this holiday season. There is less emotional tension than in the past, but it also sometimes feels exhausting. It’s just not the same without Dave! Still, I love witnessing Lydia’s joy at seeing snow, singing carols, and opening gifts. God’s goodness is all around us!

Perhaps we will put up our Christmas tree this weekend. Or maybe Christmas trees. Yes, I decided to do something different for this season. Our old tree was so big and heavy, and half the lights did not work anymore. I don’t mind adding lights, but carrying all the pieces up and down the stairs was taking its toll.

So, this year, we are pulling out an older little tree from 2014, when I could not bear to decorate the usual (big) Christmas tree. It made me too sad. But, this year, it feels like another fresh start. Also, I recently bought a couple of even smaller trees on sale, so we will see what happens! We might have a Christmas forest now, who knows?!

If you are missing someone this season, take heart. Draw close to Jesus and cling to His peace. You are deeply loved, and He will not leave you on your own. Rest in Him; leave all the tasks for later. You are safe, and you are secure.

Being flexible in your approach is key. You may jump right into old traditions, try something new, or lay low and avoid it all. Do whatever you need to keep moving forward.

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God, thanks for giving us Your grace and peace. Thanks for not leaving us when times get tough. May we keep our eyes on You each day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you already started decorating for Christmas, or do you ease into it after Thanksgiving? What is your favorite part of the holiday season?

Task: Come to Jesus with all your emotions this holiday season. He is your Hope and Victory and knows exactly what you need. (Also, if you have time, listen to this song: “Still Waters,” by Leanna Crawford.)

Finding Grace #428

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Nature Wildlife photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This was another good week. Thanks for all your support and encouragement on Wednesday, the eleventh anniversary of Dave’s death. I really appreciate your kind words and prayers!

On Wednesday, I took the day off work, had some car maintenance done, and received a relaxing facial. Later, Lydia and I went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse with a friend. Dave always enjoyed that restaurant, and my friend and I hadn’t been there in years – perhaps since we last went with Dave!

Lydia had her last orchestra concert this week, and I am happy to report she will continue next year. In fact, she tried out for chamber orchestra at her school and made the cut! I look forward to more orchestra concerts in the future! Lydia has made several new friends this year. There are only about ten violists are in her grade, and she said they are all pretty close. I love her confidence!

Work went well, and we had some important meetings about good changes ahead. However, I also took off yesterday since Lydia got sick right before school. Thankfully, I was still home to help her! I will have to catch up on work next week, but I am glad to have the ability to be there for Lydia, too!

Lydia and I finished our screens, and they turned out really well. I was able to clean all the windows and windowsills, which was probably a good thing anyway! Then, this morning, I finally reinstalled the screens. Overall, it was easier than I expected, but still a drawn-out process (about a month!). I could do the other windows around the house, but I don’t really want to!

The weather was great this week, with cooler, wet mornings and warm/hot afternoons. I mowed the lawn last night between potential rain showers, and it took me two hours because I bagged the grass (twice as long as usual). But the yard looks good, making the effort worth it! The little blue and white tree swallows are back and sitting on my deck to survey “their” domain. It has been fun to see them flitting around.

Speaking of birds, I also saw a downy woodpecker this week! I took a walk on my lunchbreak and was so surprised to see it! It was so cute and the highlight of my day.

I am still sore from all the work last night, so I am really glad I could relax today! I made some banana muffins, and Lydia had a friend over. They are in viola classes together, and she seems really sweet. Otherwise, it’s just been routine Saturday things!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Staying Power

Today, Lydia and I are celebrating eleven years of Dave being in Heaven. As you can imagine, the month or two leading up to this day can be a little heavy. I try not to think about it much, but I can’t help it. I know it’s coming.

I tend to get a little emotional, which might show up as a soft, sensitive heart or with a short temper (not my usual!). I might get fired up or not care at all. It kind of depends on the day and the circumstances.

Typically, I am known for being steady and reliable. The one who shows up and follows through. But, during this brief period, I tend to do whatever it takes to keep moving forward.

Generally, that means pulling back from unnecessary activities to focus on what is. ‘No’ is a wonderful word! I used to apologize and try to explain, but this year, I have allowed myself not to worry about it. It has been a relief to show up as I am that day and be present.

It is funny how that has turned out. I have more energy, which has led to more courage to speak up about what matters and wisdom to let the other stuff go. I have been in tune with Jesus and have come into more of my own. His joy is my secret weapon and strength!

Reflecting on all this, I am grateful for all God has done. He has caught me, carried me, and sustained me. Right away, I knew I wanted to stay in Fargo, at least until Lydia was old enough to understand what happened. Moving is a lot of work, and I also wanted her to have closure.

Moving closer to family would have been easier, and maybe we will someday. But, for now, we are here. In the meantime, staying has meant asking for help and seeking God’s provision. He is the faithful One draws us close. There’s no place I’d rather be.

Years ago, I was inspired by various widows, such as Elisabeth Elliot and, later, Huldah Buntain, a missionary to India. When their husbands tragically died, they chose to stay where God had planted them, offering themselves to His work. I had my own reasons, but I have also seen God’s blessing in and through my life. I am so glad we stayed.

Staying put has helped me stay in-step with Jesus. This means going at His slower pace, not racing ahead or dragging my feet. As I wait on Him, I know when to move and when to rest. I have to lay aside daily distractions to ensure I can hear His voice and understand where He is leading me. After all, He holds me together (Colossians 1:17)!

While we often miss Dave and talk about him, we rejoice for the time we had with him. We are grateful that God has us in a good spot. Work is going well, and Lydia is thriving in school. We don’t know the future, but we know the best is yet to come. As we rest in Jesus’ presence, we rely on His staying power to see us through.

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God, thanks for Your grace and faithfulness all these years. You are so good to me, my All-In-All, always protecting me and providing for me. Help me keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Whose power are you relying on? How is that working for you? Are you living in your own limited strength or relying on the infinite, unmatchable power of Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe?

Tasks: When you want to run away from your emotions or problems, run directly to Jesus. His name means Salvation. He can handle all the craziness, but you have to bring it to Him!

A Secret Weapon

The last couple of weeks have been a bit…maddening. I’ve lost my temper once or twice and been a little grouchy. Some of it could be subconsciously being aware that the eleventh anniversary of Dave’s death is next week. But really, things have just built up.

At home, unexpected issues have popped up, including trouble replacing my screens after getting egged and picking up a ton of dog poop from my yard (though I don’t have a dog). Then, the fence at the edge of my property fell again (after a two-year fight to get it put back up). It’s just been a lot lately.

I’ve been tempted to have a little pity party, thinking things would be easier if Dave were still here. While that may be true, I know life is full of problems, so even then, something else would likely happen unexpectedly! I can be grateful my problems are not worse, and I know many people are facing greater trials.

Work has been busy as usual, too. Good, just not much downtime to think straight. LOL Thus, my patience has been a little short, but I have been trying to bring all these things to Jesus. I talked with my mom yesterday, and she reminded me that His joy is my strength!

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV

I recently heard Jesus was the most joyful person who has ever lived. In His presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11)! But He also had a very difficult life. He was born to suffer and die at my expense (and yours!). If Jesus can have abundant joy despite His circumstances, so can I.

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, which means He wants to grow that in me. The seed has been planted, I just need to cultivate it. This goes for love, peace, patience, etc.

Fruit is meant to be shared with others, to refresh and encourage them, similar to grace. As my mom pointed out, God wants people to see Him in us, so how we display the fruits of the Spirit matters. This is a good reminder to keep looking for ways to serve others and take the focus off myself.

Here are some questions to consider: Do I show joy or grouchiness on my face? Do I bring love and peace to a situation or chaos? Am I loving, kind, and patient even when I don’t get my way? Do I call out the good in others? Do I speak gentle words or bring wrath? Am I faithful even when it costs me? Do I show self-control when life flings out of control?

While I don’t expect my house issues to suddenly disappear, I know they will all work out in time. And I can choose to enjoy life in the meantime. I can find fun and creative things to do, or at least look for ways to bring joy into small moments of my day. Joy is my secret weapon as I stay close to Jesus, for therein lies my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

When things feel out of control, I will take them to the One who controls the Universe and cares for me infinitely (1 Peter 5:7).

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God, thanks for the fruits of Your Holy Spirit. Specifically, help me cultivate more peace, joy, and patience as I work through these challenges. Thanks for all You do for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Out of the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit, which ones do you need to cultivate the most right now?  (Galatians 5:22-23)

Task: Next time you feel bent out of shape, consider why. Do whatever it takes to protect your peace and joy. Remember, people are looking for Jesus in you!

Finding Grace #424

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Tulips Tulip Field photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This week was bittersweet. We laid my Aunt Deb to rest in my small central Illinois hometown. It was a long way to travel, but I am so glad we went. We even visited with my mom’s side of the family for a little bit. Being with extended family was good, and I feel blessed to reconnect with my roots.

The weather was warmer in Illinois, and I had forgotten the grass greens up quicker than in Fargo! The tulips and crabapple trees were blooming in full force—so pretty! Lydia and I were gone for nearly a week, and I was so happy to see our own grass had started turning green by the time we returned to North Dakota!

During our road trip, we stayed overnight with my mother-in-law in Rockford. We enjoyed hanging out with her and Dave’s brother before heading downstate the next day. We then stopped by my brother’s house to hang out before the rest of the family rolled into town. On the way back, we stayed in a Chicago suburb with my sister and her family.  It was great to see where each of them lived because they all had moved since we last drove to Illinois. Now, when they tell us about their day, we can envision it a little better.

Seeing old friends in Illinois was heartwarming, and I appreciated the kind comments about my blog and book. Thanks for your ongoing support and encouragement!

Lydia and I went back to school and work on Friday. I was so honored when several of my coworkers sent me texts to say hi or stopped by to see me in my office. I shared some goodies I had brought back from my trip and thanked them for covering for me. It was nice to be missed, but I was also glad to be back.

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

A Homecoming

There is something about home that makes you feel safe, like all is right in the world. Amid grief and loss, the familiar environment and the presence of family bring comfort. Shared memories bring healing and laughter, too!

Driving from North Dakota to Illinois always gives me time to reflect. God has used those long country miles to refine my heart over the years! Typically, each landmark I pass reminds me of my college days at NIU or further back to my youth, much of which involved my Aunt Deb. As we mourn for her this week, I can trace a pattern of blessing through her life.

Aunt Deb had a big smile and loved to laugh. She loved bright colors, flowers, music, cooking, and hospitality. She had experienced grief and loss, so she knew how to help bring God’s comfort to others. She loved serving and using her gifts.

Free Flower Tulip photo and picture

I will never forget Aunt Deb’s prayers and support for us after Dave died. She was a diligent reader of my blog, and most weeks, she sent me an encouraging word, like, or comment. It always made my day to hear from her, and I will really miss that.

While no one is perfect, God is always faithful to complete His works in our lives. Aunt Deb and my mom had a complicated relationship for over thirty years. They both have passionate personalities, in addition to having the same first and last names (since they married brothers). You can imagine how that was with small-town gossip!

Well, God graciously did a miracle in both of their hearts. He orchestrated circumstances so that Mom and Aunt Deb were each ready to give up their anger and forgive around the same time. They finally could see each other’s strengths as positive. Then, over the next two decades, they became close friends and prayer partners.

Their relationship shows what God can do when we submit to Him.

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While we are experiencing the shock of loss (all is not right) on this side of Heaven, I do know this: Jesus conquered Death and is making all things right and new. Furthermore, Aunt Deb was ready. She was prepared for eternity, knowing there are no guarantees of tomorrow. Aunt Deb wisely built her life on the Rock, and now she is truly Home.

The funeral was held at the local Catholic church (pictured above). I was not raised Catholic but spent plenty of time there for various events. These included midnight masses with my grandparents at Christmas and many potlucks in the basement (church bazaars and funerals alike). And let me tell you, that old church basement looks exactly the same!

Yes, the last several days have been emotional, but being with family has been a balm. I also loved seeing so many friends, including former classmates and teachers. 

Even though my family lives across many time zones now, we always have each other. We shared pizza, pool time, car rides, stories, laughter and tears. It was good to be home.

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Heavenly Father, thanks for the gift of family and doing life together. Thanks for Your Presence when we go through loss and grief. Help us feel Your comfort and perfect peace during this time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Is your first response to draw near to God or turn away in difficult times? What is He saying to you about this? Have you put your faith in Jesus yet? (Today is the day of salvation! Make sure you are prepared for eternity. Let Jesus give you a new heart.)

Tasks: Reach out to your family and tell them you love them. Spend time together as often as possible. Consider starting a group chat via text or a weekly Zoom meeting to check in!

Finding Grace #423

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Free Mallard Duck photo and picture

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?!

This was an emotional week. It went well overall, but we had a death in the family. One of my dear aunts in Illinois died unexpectedly, so we have been sad. It was also somewhat stressful trying to prepare to travel and accomplish everything else beforehand. My blog post about getting my ducks in a row was personal!

The weather was pretty good, though I did not see the solar eclipse on Monday. It was overcast that day in Fargo, and I had patients during that time anyway! We did see it in 2017, though, so I am thankful for that experience! 

At work, my manager was very understanding and approved my time off request. However, I still had a lot of work to do, so I stayed late a couple of evenings to wrap up my charting.

God’s timing is always perfect, and it is interesting that last Friday, we went to a funeral. I also wrote about how I had not driven to Illinois in a few years. So, perhaps He was preparing us for traveling over the next few days. 

We are making a couple of stops along the way to see other family and possibly a couple of friends. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!