Today, Lydia and I are celebrating eleven years of Dave being in Heaven. As you can imagine, the month or two leading up to this day can be a little heavy. I try not to think about it much, but I can’t help it. I know it’s coming.
I tend to get a little emotional, which might show up as a soft, sensitive heart or with a short temper (not my usual!). I might get fired up or not care at all. It kind of depends on the day and the circumstances.
Typically, I am known for being steady and reliable. The one who shows up and follows through. But, during this brief period, I tend to do whatever it takes to keep moving forward.
Generally, that means pulling back from unnecessary activities to focus on what is. ‘No’ is a wonderful word! I used to apologize and try to explain, but this year, I have allowed myself not to worry about it. It has been a relief to show up as I am that day and be present.
It is funny how that has turned out. I have more energy, which has led to more courage to speak up about what matters and wisdom to let the other stuff go. I have been in tune with Jesus and have come into more of my own. His joy is my secret weapon and strength!
Reflecting on all this, I am grateful for all God has done. He has caught me, carried me, and sustained me. Right away, I knew I wanted to stay in Fargo, at least until Lydia was old enough to understand what happened. Moving is a lot of work, and I also wanted her to have closure.
Moving closer to family would have been easier, and maybe we will someday. But, for now, we are here. In the meantime, staying has meant asking for help and seeking God’s provision. He is the faithful One draws us close. There’s no place I’d rather be.
Years ago, I was inspired by various widows, such as Elisabeth Elliot and, later, Huldah Buntain, a missionary to India. When their husbands tragically died, they chose to stay where God had planted them, offering themselves to His work. I had my own reasons, but I have also seen God’s blessing in and through my life. I am so glad we stayed.
Staying put has helped me stay in-step with Jesus. This means going at His slower pace, not racing ahead or dragging my feet. As I wait on Him, I know when to move and when to rest. I have to lay aside daily distractions to ensure I can hear His voice and understand where He is leading me. After all, He holds me together (Colossians 1:17)!
While we often miss Dave and talk about him, we rejoice for the time we had with him. We are grateful that God has us in a good spot. Work is going well, and Lydia is thriving in school. We don’t know the future, but we know the best is yet to come. As we rest in Jesus’ presence, we rely on His staying power to see us through.
**********
God, thanks for Your grace and faithfulness all these years. You are so good to me, my All-In-All, always protecting me and providing for me. Help me keep moving forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
Questions: Whose power are you relying on? How is that working for you? Are you living in your own limited strength or relying on the infinite, unmatchable power of Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe?
Tasks: When you want to run away from your emotions or problems, run directly to Jesus. His name means Salvation. He can handle all the craziness, but you have to bring it to Him!
