Category: Journey of Grace

Perspective on our cancer journey

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Worship

Wake Up and Worship!

I don’t know about you, but my morning mood can impact my entire day. There are days when I wake up peaceful and rested. But sometimes, I wake up groggy and distracted.

Either way, within minutes I’m usually thinking of all I have to do that day. Sometimes my schedule is relaxed and at other times, I have less flexibility.

Often, changes in my schedule can throw me off my routine and influence my mood—if I let them. It is my choice to adjust my attitude or not!

A few years ago, in the midst of deep grief, it was difficult to find much motivation to rise early, let alone actually accomplish anything. That was perhaps par-for-the-course…understandable.

But praise God, these days I feel like I am mostly back to myself! Now, I’m trying to be more proactive. Life is short and I don’t want to waste my time!

As such, I’ve been slowly chipping away at my morning routine. I want to develop good, sustainable habits that don’t get altered too much with visitors, traveling, holidays, meetings, etc. You know how it goes!

It’s something I’ve been working on for years, but have not always been consistent. Then I have to start over… I’m a work in progress!

It’s generally good to have something to look forward to each morning—especially when you rise before the sun. Why not wake up and worship Jesus?!

Recently, I discovered how to make a playlist on YouTube. I didn’t realize how easy it was!

So, I have collected several morning-themed songs to encourage myself and help me put on my ‘game face.’ I also have a playlist for songs dealing with fear, and one for calming me down (as needed, ha!).

Currently, I have added “Good Morning” by Mandisa; “Happy” by Pharell Williams; “Your Love Awakens Me” by Phil Wickham; this song, and a few TobyMac songs.

I just add them as I hear them or think of them.

Yesterday, I had a little extra time before leaving for work, and I just enjoyed worshiping God and finding songs to add to my playlists. I left feeling so uplifted and grateful for the day ahead!

God’s mercies are new every morning. He is so generous and fills our ‘cup’ to abundance. He loves us so much!

Starting off with Jesus sets my whole day in order. I don’t want to miss an opportunity to praise Him and receive His goodness. Worship Him early and often!

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God, thank You for the gift of music! May the morning bring us word of Your unfailing love. Please direct our path as we put our trust and hope in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Do you have any early morning songs that get you out of bed? I’d love to build my list!

Tasks: Consider making a morning worship playlist. Listen while you exercise or get ready for your day! (You might need headphones if the rest of your household is still sleeping!) 🙂

 

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom

Counting Every Blessing

It’s that time of year again! Lydia started school this week! She has been so excited for about a month. She could hardly sleep on Monday night… Tuesday, she started a new school and was happy to see her friends.

I’m proud of Lydia for all the ways she’s already grown. She’s been challenging herself to try new things and be more independent. Her dad, my late-husband, Dave, would also be so very proud.

I have been purposely relying on the Lord as we start this new season. As such, I haven’t really thought much about the bittersweet nature of our circumstances. Still, this week is one of those times when it is apparent: Dave’s not here.

Lydia’s teacher seems really sweet. She’s a first-year teacher and full of excitement, too. When we met her, I didn’t want to burst her bubble… so, I simply wrote her a short explanation about Dave on Lydia’s back to school papers.

Yesterday, after Lydia got off the bus, we went home and talked about her day over a scoop of ice cream. She had a fun day, of course, and I know she will have a great year.

To my surprise, Lydia said she was glad I didn’t mention Dave to her teacher in person. Specifically, she said, “I’m glad you didn’t cry like you did last year.”  (and the year before…) I might have embarrassed her previously!

Truthfully, I’m happy Lydia seems unaffected, but it makes me slightly sad. I have tried to ensure that she knows who Dave was and that he loved her very much. I want her to be able to talk about him whenever she feels the need. I want her to be okay with it.

But instead of feeling sorry for myself (and Lydia), I decided to count my blessings!

First, I’m grateful for Lydia! She’s always a bright spot and has kept me moving forward. I love to coach her and watch her grow. I don’t know where I’d be without her!

I’m grateful Lydia and I can have honest, heartfelt conversations about tough topics. We have had many ups and downs, which has made it interesting!

I’m also grateful Lydia is so much like Dave. She doesn’t overthink things like I do! She is pragmatic like Dave and has a good perspective. Though, she is like me in lots of other ways.

I’m grateful for how well Dave set us up. Because of his planning and God’s provision, Lydia and I are in a good position. I have no reason to complain!

I’m extremely grateful that each year, we’ve reached new levels of healing. We think of and talk about Dave often, but we are still living a full life in spite of our loss(es).

I’m grateful for so many things, actually. But most of all, I’m grateful that God’s still holding us together. He has brought us this far and we are doing well.

I can trust Him with confidence. He’s got this!

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Heavenly Father, You are so good! Thanks for taking such great care of us. Open our eyes to each of Your blessings and help us trust You more in this new season. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you find yourself in a new season of life? Have you been expecting it or did it take you by surprise?

Tasks: Listen to this song, “Counting Every Blessing,” by Rend Collective! It’s so good!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Worship

Hymns Bring Hope

On Sunday afternoon, Lydia and I had the opportunity to attend a special event. We were invited to a concert highlighting old hymns and the stories behind them.

This was likely Lydia’s first real worship experience that included only hymns. So, I didn’t have much expectation beyond introducing her to the music. Thankfully, she recognized a few tunes, like “Amazing Grace.”

I also pointed out two of the songs we sang at my late-husband Dave’s funeral: “Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” and “It is Well with My Soul.”

Hymns are unique when compared to modern worship songs because even when illiterate people couldn’t read about God’s love, they could still learn about Him through hymns. Many of the hymns were written out of such heart-wrenching circumstances. The messages about God are timeless because we all go through difficult trials.

During the service on Sunday, the audience was asked to raise their hands if they could relate to the lyrics—if they or someone they know are going through hard times.

Most of us raised our hands… because who doesn’t have problems?!

Lydia was a little restless, and she whispered to me, “Mom, should I raise my hand, too?”

Somewhat surprised, I quietly asked, “Well, you could if you want, but why do you think you should raise your hand?”

Lydia whispered back, “Because of my dad.”

In that moment, I felt a twinge of sadness and awe. It was bittersweet for me…but I was interested in the reason for Lydia’s question. On the one hand, the fact that she even had to ask almost did me in!

But I was also filled with immense gratitude that Lydia doesn’t fathom the depth of pain many of us faced when Dave died. God has protected her from the brunt of it all.

Of course, Lydia is also fairly new to the idea of hymns. Still, I was amazed she connected with what was going on. That’s God’s power working in her heart through the music!

God has done such a good job of bringing us through with Victory. It hasn’t been easy, but He has been faithful. He has never let us down. So, when I sing songs like, “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” I can’t help but praise Him!

Our collective spiritual heritage is invaluable! Old hymns like “How Great Thou Art” highlight God’s Majesty. These songs help put our problems in perspective and remind of us the hope we have in Jesus.

People all over the world identify with the classic hymns. They have been around for hundreds of years and still bring God’s comfort to us!

With “Blessed Assurance,” we can trust Jesus. He is a kind friend, a gracious savior, and an ever-present help in time of need. Indeed, “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” and we have “Victory in Jesus!” Praise the Lord!

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Heavenly Father, I exalt You! Your faithfulness reaches to the skies! Thank You for all You have done for me. You are so good! Be honored, In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: What are your favorite hymns?

Tasks: Click on some of the hymns above read the lyrics and/or listen to them. (There are a variety of music styles represented.) Take note of what God puts on your heart.

Posted on in Being Gracious, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Personality, Wisdom

Ten Things For Which I Am Thankful

Confession: Over the last few days, I have noticed myself reacting to various issues in not-so-helpful ways. Some issues are mere annoyances…and most are out of my control. I could tell you how I have lost my temper, felt sorry for myself, or have said words I regret. Maybe that can wait for another day… in the meantime, I will focus on adjusting my attitude. 😉

We all have bad days or moments from time to time, and we all need the Lord’s forgiveness and refining. Nonetheless, instead of seeing all that is ‘wrong,’ I want to look for what is going well.

So today, I am challenging myself to find ten things for which I am thankful. It doesn’t solve all my problems but gratitude does put them into perspective. We all have so much goodness in our lives…

In no particular order, I am thankful for…

Sleep. If I am over-tired, I am more likely to lose my cool. Sometimes a nap is a perfect way to reset. I’m also grateful for a new FitBit that has better sleep information than my old one. I have been tracking my sleep habits and trying to be more consistent overall.

Nature. Sometimes, I just need to get away and decompress. I have taken some awesome nature walks lately which has been refreshing. (I probably should do that more often!)When I see the beautiful blue sky, cool animals, green leaves, and flowers in a rainbow of colors, I am reminded of how much God cares about all the details of my life too.

Good listeners. I have some wonderful people in my life who let me talk openly and get things off my chest when needed. I don’t do this all the time, thankfully, but I do appreciate the feedback provided. Sometimes I need someone to agree with me and sometimes I need a kick in the pants. I’m glad to have family and friends who can offer kindness and/or provide some tough love! I’m also thankful when they pray for me!

My lawnmower. Mowing the lawn is not my favorite thing to do, but I am always proud of myself after it is done. It reminds me that I can indeed do difficult things with God’s help. 🙂

Stability. I have a lovely house and a good job, and God provides so well for me. I have no lack. All of my basic needs are met, which reminds me that ‘godliness with contentment is great gain.’ Thank You, Jesus!

Walkie-talkies. This might sound odd, but Lydia and I use walkie-talkies when she is playing at a neighbor’s house so I don’t have to yell like a madwoman to get her attention. This provides a little independence for Lydia and some reassurance for me. It also makes it possible to get a few quick chores done inside when all she wants to do is play outside.

Access to healthy food, healthcare, etc. In America, we have so many resources that we often take them for granted. Just in terms of food, there are probably ten-thousand options at one grocery store… and I have perhaps ten grocery stores within ten minutes of where I live. (No more complaining here!)

Hugs from Lydia. She is quick to sense when I need a hug, which always ‘fills my cup.’ I’m so thankful for her and my life is much more rich with her in it.

Music. Music has a special way expressing our feelings without words. I like several kinds of music, but lately, I have appreciated birds singing on my deck and worship music. Both help me pause and reconnect with the Lord.

Opportunities to serve. This is especially important to get our eyes off ourselves. When I can use my gifts to help someone, that changes everything.

Wow, I feel better already! I’m thankful God loves us ‘too much’ to let us stay focused on ourselves. His love is overwhelming and reckless! (So that makes eleven things! Bonus!)

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God, thanks for loving me so much. Please forgive me when I have a bad attitude. Give me new eyes to see the needs around me and help me be thankful. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Question: Can you name ten things for which you are thankful?

Tasks: Start each day with gratitude. Write some thank you notes! Also, listen to the song, ‘Reckless Love’ by Cory Asbury.

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Wisdom

The Difference Between Moving On and Moving Forward

Yesterday, we reached a big milestone in our grace journey. It was five years since Dave died…and five years of walking it out step-by-step.

Each moment has been drenched in God’s grace.

Five years ago, it felt like this milestone would never arrive. I had no plan and no clue what to do. (And for a planner, that’s kind of a big deal!) Suffice it to say, we faced a lot of challenges.

Yesterday felt noteworthy—yet at the same time felt just like any other day. The normalcy of it made me even more aware of God’s thorough healing. While it hasn’t been easy, I’m grateful.

I want Lydia to associate this day with goodness—instead of pain or sorrow—and identify the overwhelming Victory we have in Christ. So, each year I’ve given her a small token to mark the occasion.

Needless to say, Lydia was excited about yesterday. She woke up with such anticipation, “This is going to be a great day!” I loved her cheerful attitude; she loved the little cat ring I gave her before school.

So yesterday, we celebrated Dave’s memory and that he is safe and secure… By God’s grace, we are still standing strong! Thank You, Jesus. Every Victory is found in You!

Often, we pray for God to do big things, and then want to tell Him how to accomplish all our ideas. But His ways are bigger than our ways. Our small minds cannot comprehend all the good He has in store for us.

 As He promised in Romans 8:28, God has used this horrible tragedy for my good and His glory…so I can, in turn, help others and bless them. My goal is to then point people back to see God’s goodness in their own lives.

Honestly, I don’t need to understand the “why factor.” I am just grateful that God knows exactly what we need. His grace covers me and I can move forward in Victory.

Victory starts with Jesus at the Cross and His Resurrection but then carries over into everyday life. Each day brings opportunities to live victoriously. We have the choice to stand firm or move forward.

For me, standing firm means NOT running away from all the pain and sorrow—which is the exact opposite of what I sometimes want to do. Standing firm means not giving up even an inch of that holy ground. Moving forward is taking that first step and then another and another.

Some Victories are large and some are small. Some come easy and some are a struggle. Either way, slow and steady progress is still good.

It is strange to think that many of my friends now, never even met Dave… These days, I don’t share as much about him because sometimes the timing or mood isn’t right. Still, I appreciate anyone who will listen when I really need it. Thank you!!

After a big life change, people often get a ‘grace period’ to adjust. Though, after five years, perhaps some people would say it is time to move on. (I get it. Life goes on.) But, there is a difference between moving on and moving forward. And really, you can’t do both!

Moving on implies that we need to cut our losses and forget the past. Just get over it already! Moving on feels like an either/or option. You can either stay stuck or leave everything behind.

Moving forward, on the other hand, acknowledges the pain, grief, loss, or other wound but chooses to see beyond it. It is inclusive of one’s past and current experiences but allows for new options in the future. Moving forward may seem agonizing at first but is worth it in the long-run.

Moving on is the gut reaction—handling it on your own. Keep your head down and work hard to push through the pain. The problem is that approach is not sustainable. It uses up our energy so we have nothing left to give.

Moving forward, then, is the grace response—letting Jesus do the heavy work. Keep your head high—focused on Jesus—honor the past, and be brave. Surprisingly, we find more energy and power because the Holy Spirit covers our weakness and renews us with His strength.

Each person’s journey looks different. There is no one-size-fits-all ‘right’ way to deal with life’s pain and trials. But, for me, the greater Victory is found in moving forward with Jesus. He is faithful and can do far more than we could ever ask or imagine!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for all Your grace and goodness toward us. All glory and praise to You, Lord. Help us continue to move forward in Victory as you bring freedom and wholeness. In Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.

Questions: What are your thoughts on standing firm, moving forward, and moving on? Do you feel like you are living in Victory—or still struggling?

Tasks: Praising God is one way to keep moving forward and refocus on Jesus. Listen to this song: “Surrender” (Fight My Battles) by Michael W. Smith

Posted on in Books and Movies I Like, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Wisdom, Worship

Book Review: When God Doesn’t Fix It

Recently, I finished another book that I’d highly recommend to anyone dealing with grief or trying to understand how life has turned out so differently than planned…

The book is called, When God Doesn’t Fix It, by Laura Story. Like the other memoir I reviewed, this book also was published two years ago, but I wasn’t ready for it then. I’m so grateful for God’s healing grace—and for how far He has brought me!

The author is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and worship leader. But twelve years ago, her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and underwent a ‘successful’ surgery. However, he now has several deficits including short-term memory problems and loss of peripheral vision. Parts of the story are very funny and other parts are very poignant.

The book has many parallels to my own story, yet both are still unique. Of course, I can relate to the ups and downs of dealing with health issues. When he was sick with cancer, my late-husband, Dave required more care as time went on, but didn’t improve. Life never returned to the way it was.

Ms. Story dispels several myths we believe about God and shows the Truth using Scripture. The Lord always keeps His promises (See 2 Corinthians 1:20)! But often, we place expectations on Him that He never agreed to do for us. Then, we tend to feel betrayed and blame God when He doesn’t come through like we think He should.

Take, for example, the subject of healing. Indeed, Jesus certainly did heal many people. However, as great as that was, physical healing was not His main goal. We see in Luke 19:10 that Jesus came “to seek and to save that which was lost.” Thus, He had a greater purpose in mind than just physical healing…

(The book gives more details and more examples, but I can trust the Lord for greater things in my life too!)

I appreciated that Ms. Story wrote honestly about her faith journey, one that has more questions than answers. She and her family have repeatedly prayed for healing but have had to learn to move forward without the resolution they desire. Her husband’s condition has not improved, but they have chosen to grow through the experience.

Ms. Story didn’t pretend to understand the “why factor.” Instead of demanding God to fix her family’s problems, they are embracing the present journey. They are choosing to praise Jesus and live for Him, becoming better, not bitter.

This book reminds me that we don’t have to have all the answers to walk by faith.

God is SO good!!

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Father God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for graciously guiding me and providing for me. Help me to praise You even when I don’t understand my circumstances. Help me to walk in faith! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your God-sized questions that seem to have no answers? How can you trust Jesus and move forward?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story. If you read her book, When God Doesn’t Fix It, let me know what you think!

Posted on in Books and Movies I Like, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Book Review: When Breath Becomes Air

This week I finished a book that has been in my queue for quite some time. The book, When Breath Becomes Air, was published in 2016, but in all honesty, I wasn’t ready for it back then.

Several friends recommended the book, but I didn’t know if I could handle the intensity at the time. I didn’t want to get sucked into another cycle of grief!

Now, however, I am in a much different place. I decided to listen to the audio version, but I do have a copy of the physical book as well. I highly recommend this book!

The book was written by Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon diagnosed with lung cancer in 2013 at the age of 36. He died in March 2015 just before his 38th birthday, and this book tracks his journey from physician to patient.

The story is quite compelling on its own, but even more so because of our own experience with cancer. I was struck by the similarities between this story and ours.

Mr. Kalanithi was on the verge of reaching his career goals—yet was sidetracked with sickness. Like my late husband, Dave, he did his best at work—regardless of how he felt physically. Both men loved their jobs!

The book also discusses how terminal illness can make a marriage and other relationships stronger. That happened to us too. Mr. Kalanithi sought to secure a good future for his wife, Lucy, and infant daughter, who was born while he was sick. He was always thinking about them.

As his death grew nearer, time seemed to slow down for the author. All of his accolades and accomplishments did not matter. He just wanted to soak up time with his wife, little daughter, and other loved ones.

Mr. Kalanithi was particularly close to his family, and I appreciated the fact that they were so supportive. I, too, am grateful for all the support we have received from family and friends!

For much of the book, it was as if I was hearing Dave tell his side of the story. I found it comforting to perhaps understand a little more about how Dave might’ve felt.

The book was different enough from my experiences that I didn’t have a hard time listening. Yet, the last few chapters were quite compelling because the author’s thoughts, feelings, and physical limitations paralleled what I went through with Dave.

Despite the heartbreak, it was reassuring to hear the same types of questions we dealt with regarding chemo, palliative care, and end of life decisions.

I was encouraged to hear Mr. Kalanithi talk about his faith and hope. He knew the risks and statistics about lung cancer but was never hopeless. He wanted to live his life to the fullest and sought purpose and meaning each day.

Both Mr. Kalanithi and Dave were in their mid-thirties when they were diagnosed and died. Mr. Kalanithi had lung cancer and Dave had colon cancer, but both are not as common in younger people. (Though, that may be changing now.)

Both men had young daughters too little to remember their fathers. Cady Kalanthi was 8 months old when her daddy died; Lydia was 17 months old when Dave died. I’m thankful for the legacies these men left behind.

Neither the author nor my late husband spent much time feeling sorry for themselves. They didn’t complain, but were brave and set an example for others!

If you haven’t already read this book, please consider it! It was helpful to remember that my story is not all that unique. Instead of focusing on all I have lost, I can cherish what I do have: Lydia and precious memories.

Praise God, I also have hope and a good future ahead of me (Jeremiah 29:11)! Yes, Life has turned out differently than expected, but Jesus has been so faithful all these years.

He is so good to us!

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Dear God, thanks for taking such good care of me. Thanks for Your protection and provision through life’s ups and downs. Thank You for your grace! I trust You for a good future. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you read any good books lately? Do prefer physical books or audiobooks or ebooks?

Tasks: Check out this book! Let me know what you think!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Worship

I Belong to God

Last Friday night, I, along with three other ladies, spoke at a women’s event at our church. We each briefly shared our stories as it related to the theme: I Belong to God.

Ironically, each of us interpreted the theme differently, but each story provided a unique angle and gave a deeper, more well-rounded view of the theme. How cool!

One lady shared about how she doesn’t always feel like she belongs. She often feels outside the social circle, but with Jesus, she never has to feel that way.

Another lady shared about how belonging to Christ gives her identity. She shared how she has grown over the years as she understood who she is in Christ.

I shared a quick version of my story, and the fourth lady’s story was about saying yes to God’s call. We also sang worship songs in between testimonies.

For my story, I shared I had grown up in a Christian home and met Jesus at a young age. While I had the head knowledge that Jesus loved me, in my heart, I was afraid.

Looking back, it was difficult for me to put a finger on the root of my fear—and because I couldn’t figure out exactly what the problem was, I never really dealt with it. I just let it become a stronghold over the years. In some ways, fear became my comfort zone.

Then, I shared about moving to Fargo and about our cancer journey. What an emotional roller coaster! It wasn’t easy—our faith was stretched thin at times—but we chose to trust Jesus. And, He really did come through for us in so many ways.

When everything in my life fell apart, God was there to catch me and pick up the pieces. I saw that He is bigger than all my worst fears and was the only sure thing that remained after Dave died. He has taken such good care of me and my daughter, Lydia.

Recently, I came across a quote by Emily Freeman: She says, “When you can’t see God’s hand, trust His heart.” I love that because we all find ourselves in unexpected situations and seasons that we didn’t plan.

If you are facing a choice between FEAR and FAITH, choose faith.

When you belong to God, you can cling to Him in the midst of uncertainty. You can trust in His provision. And, you can rest in His grace. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own. He’s got you covered!

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Heavenly Father, You are so good! Thanks for setting me free from fear. Help me walk in Your grace and live for You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What is your story and does it include Jesus? Have you ever written it down or shared it with someone?

Tasks: Write down the evidence of God’s grace in your life—share them someone who needs encouragement. Listen to the song, “It Is Well” by Kristene DiMarco and Bethel Music.

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Worship

Finding Grace #105

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week I really relied on my neighbors! On Sunday, Lydia across the street while I had a meeting at church. I could have taken Lydia with me, perhaps, but she was much more excited to go play with her friends. I was grateful.

Then, Monday turned out to be a snow day and school was canceled! I was glad but had planned to stay home that day anyway. Lydia and I relaxed at home, other than a phone meeting with my writing coach. With the blizzardy weather, I was going to wait until later in the day to clear snow. While I was on the phone, my neighbors came and cleared my driveway and sidewalks. It was totally unexpected and such a blessing.

Tuesday and Wednesday were normal work days. On Tuesday, another friend stopped by to see if I needed help with the snow. It was already done, but we had a good conversation instead. In the evenings, we also finished up cheerleading and JBQ seasons. It will be nice to have our evenings a little freer.

On Friday, Lydia was off for a planned teacher day. She kept busy reading and playing, while I prepared for a talk that night at church. I was sharing my story with some other ladies for a women’s worship night. It was a fun event, and Lydia once again went across the street to visit the neighbors!

The weather has been slowly getting warmer. It is supposed to be in the 30s this next week, and I am sure the snow will be melting even more. Spring is almost here!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

On Feelings and Frostbite

Yesterday (Tuesday), I had the opportunity to speak at a local moms group. By request, I shared my story in light of making end-of-life decisions. My goal was to provide perspective and offer basic information for these moms.

Through a casual conversation, we discussed wills, trusts, life insurance, and more. To be clear, I am not an expert on any of these topics. But I have experienced the how-tos and what-not-to-dos.

I also recommended these ladies consult with an attorney, accountant, and/or a financial planner. I don’t recommend taking a lot of unwarranted risks in these areas!

I really enjoyed speaking with these moms, and afterward, I went to work like usual. But the emotions caught up with me there (unexpectedly), as my coworker and I just-so-happened to discuss similar topics. Gotta love God’s timing!

Occasionally, I still get a little teary-eyed when discussing all we went through with cancer. And lately, I have been reflecting on our journey more anyway…

I know March will be here soon, and I can’t help but think of two important times. First, I recall March 2010 when Dave found his job in Fargo. We moved later that year, which set the stage for other big life changes.

I’ve also been thinking of March 2013 when Dave was so sick and near death (he died in May that year). That was a tumultuous time and we felt desperate.

This flux of emotions tends to cycle through periodically, though as we move toward March, I have felt it more. Perhaps that’s because we are also fast-approaching another milestone: the five year anniversary of Dave’s death.

Yesterday, we also received several inches of snow. That’s not unusual for February, but I still had to blow snow in the dark of morning and shovel twice. For me, snow removal builds character (ha!), but yesterday, I was more reflective.

In the afternoon, I shoveled away the snow and contemplated my sadness. The physical activity was good for me and channeled my emotions into something productive.

I thought it would be a quick job, so didn’t change out of my work clothes. I wore lightweight dress pants and my lightweight gloves. I didn’t wear a hat and my hood kept falling off. I wanted to work quickly so my fingers wouldn’t freeze!

After about twenty minutes, I thought about going inside to warm up. But, I was still praying through my emotions and just wanted to finish. I threw more snow on already-high mounds. It was difficult because it required a lot of effort to corral the snow!

Soon, my fingers weren’t cold anymore—they were numb.

It was only when I came in about fifteen minutes later that I noticed my fingers again. They were bright red and tingled, like other parts of my skin. There was no frostbite, but that’s not unheard of with extreme wind chills like we have in Fargo.

Thankfully, I had gotten through both the snow and the rough emotions.

Praise God, I felt so much better!

As I put away my snow shovel, I thought about how people manage their emotions in a similar manner. Many people try to ‘shovel away’ their sorrows, without actually understanding the pain. It’s like having spiritual or emotional frostbite.

They bury sadness and grief, frustration and remorse, anger and resentment without dealing with them. They don’t allow themselves the time to heal. Some people freeze their feelings, becoming numb and unable to function properly.

For me, the pain can still feel rough at times, though it has gotten much better overall.

Nonetheless, I still allow myself to feel my emotions and pray them through. The feelings don’t last forever, and I know it will be okay…sooner or later.  

Like snow, healing is messy. It can be difficult work to decipher our feelings and keep them contained. Yet, I always learn more about myself in the process. Reaching a new level of healing or self-understanding isn’t always fun…but it is a valuable gift!

Yesterday, I was also reminded of God’s grace and goodness. Only He can bring full healing. And, the more I share my story, the more grateful I become.

God has been so faithful to me. He has provided for me in ways I cannot even explain. Despite my losses, He has never let me down. What Victory!

Yes, when everything feels like it is falling apart, Jesus is there. He is greater than my pain or problems, and He loves me through each trial. He protects me and allows me to be myself—feelings and all. By His grace, He holds me together!

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Dear God, thank You so much for your grace and goodness. Thanks for taking such great care of me. Please direct my path and guide me on this journey. Thanks that I don’t have to get stuck emotionally. I choose to move forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you experienced any signs of spiritual or emotional frostbite? Will you let Jesus handle it?

Tasks: Listen to ‘King of My Heart’ by Kutless and ‘I Will Call Upon the Lord’ by Elevation Worship. Write down your feelings and experiences in a journal. Trust in Jesus!