Category: Journey of Grace

Perspective on our cancer journey

Posted on in Being Gracious, Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom

A Short List

Well, this has been a full week so far. On Monday, I received some awful news that a friend’s brother died in his sleep. A husband and father of two. A beloved son, brother, and friend to many. It was completely unexpected, and it certainly rocked the small community where I grew up. This hit home for many reasons, besides the fact that he was about Dave’s age.

Sadly, this is not the first young man I grew up with, who has suddenly passed away in my peer group or hometown. My dear friend and classmate, Seth, died when we were in high school. In college, my cousin, Nick, died, as well as another friend, Wes. More recently, these premature deaths included another classmate, Clint, and another friend, Ryan, among others. And now, Nathan. All different circumstances, but tragic nonetheless.

I explained a little of my heartache to Lydia, but there is so much she does not yet understand. Even though Dave died when she was little, she doesn’t remember him. She doesn’t feel the anguish I have felt over the years, especially as death steals away those we know and love. Of course, she feels a different pain than I do.

Still, this week has had many silver linings. Celebrating life with Lydia on a fancy dress-up day at daycare. My brother’s birthday. Progress on a couple projects. Cheering a friend on a difficult path. Talking with my family and remembering the brevity of life.

If you are still alive, God has given you much grace and much mercy. I hope you will acknowledge His deep love for you today. Reach out to Him; He is right there with you.

Through several texts, my family had a side conversation about grace and forgiveness, and I was reminded to keep ‘a short list’ with others. We never know when our time is up.

When I think about my interactions with others, I think about how I want to be remembered. What will people say about me when I die? Will it be positive or mixed? Did I focus on what really matters? That is, loving God and loving people.

Furthermore, if my actions today set the stage for how I will be remembered, what should I be doing differently? I want to live my life fully with no regrets, doing all God has for me to do before He calls me HOME. Hopefully, many decades from now!

My ‘short list’ includes extending grace and forgiveness to others; telling my family and close friends how much I love them; encouraging people; staying present with Jesus; and telling others by telling others how He changed my life. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, so do the most important things today!

Indeed, life is so short, and in our current circumstances every situation seems full of drama and uncertainty. This year has been loaded, for sure. It can be scary at times, but, we do not have to fear death or anything else!

We will never have all the answers for why bad things happen. There are so many variables, and the rain falls on us all. The best thing you can do is to let Jesus be your PEACE. He’s got this.

When I meet Jesus face to face, I will give an account about how I lived my life. None of my good works will make a difference for whether or not I get into Heaven. The only thing that matters is if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on Earth.

The good things I do will be rewarded, yes, but only if I know Jesus first! We can never be good enough on our own. So, it boils down to this: Knowing Jesus as Lord and Savior.

I am thankful that everything that really matters is secure in Jesus. He comforts us in the midst of tragedies and redeems our pain. Death does not get the final word!

God is Our Rock and Our Refuge. Everything we need is in Him!

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God, thank You for the gift of Life. Please comfort those who are facing grief and loss today. Continue to walk with them and draw them near to You. Pour out Your love on them, Jesus. In Your Name, Amen

Questions: What is on your ‘short list’ in life? How do you want people to remember you? What are you doing differently as a result? (if anything)

Tasks: Call or send a card (or if appropriate, show up!) to comfort those who are struggling right now. This could include grief, loss, physical health, mental health, or other COVID related issues. Be the hands and feet of Jesus!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting

Finding Grace #227

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week flew by! Lydia and I participated in our usual activities, such as work and daycare. Behind the scenes, though, we kept busy at home on various projects.

I have some upcoming deadlines for my online plant-based cooking class, so I had several recipes and lessons to finish. I ran to three different stores for various ingredients; the recipes were specific. Then, I spent many evenings watching movies or listening to podcasts while chopping up vegetables and washing dishes! I also had to document each recipe process with pictures and a writeup. It is worth it though!

On Friday morning, I took Lydia with me to get my driver’s license renewed and Real ID. I had made my appointment in advance, but I wasn’t sure how they would handle bringing a child (even though Lydia is well-behaved). Sure enough, they said only I could go in per pandemic requirements. But to my surprise, the lady had a creative solution! She let me fill out the paperwork outside while I stood with Lydia. When it was time to go inside to take my new picture and check my eyes, they let me use the station next to the window so I could see Lydia and one of the workers with her. God’s grace was apparent in the way the workers cheerfully helped everyone else, too, while they are trying to get everyone caught up from the last three months! Thank you!

Yesterday afternoon, Lydia was invited to swim with a friend and then sleep overnight at her house. I decided not to join them for swimming, choosing instead to focus on my cooking class assignments. I stayed up really late so I could finish a couple of the recipes and clean up. I was thankful for the space and peace to get my work done. It really helped, and I made significant progress!

With Lydia still at her friend’s this morning, I squeezed in a ten-plus mile bike ride along the river. It has been on my bucket list for awhile, but I decided to take advantage of the timing today. It was the first time I’d gone on an early morning ride since last summer when Lydia had a sleepover with the same family. And, it was my first real downtime since February (apart from Lydia with no parenting responsibilities). Self-care is so important, and I felt and extra dose of God’s grace. Thanks again to our friends for the break!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Little Free Library, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Finding #219

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a fantastic week! Mother’s Day was really fun. Lydia gave me some great gifts, with my mom’s help. She even threw me a beach party (with decorations) in the living room. Later, we Zoomed with my family again. I’m really enjoying our weekly chat!

Work was busy, but really good. All my patients listened to me and were making progress on their goals, which is always fun to see. It was gratifying to know I am helping them!

Friday was the seventh anniversary of Dave’s death. I prefer to celebrate his legacy and that he is in Heaven rather than give cancer and death any more press. It also helps remind me that, because of Jesus, death is not the final word. We have Victory over death!

The weather on Friday was absolutely gorgeous. Lydia and I went walking along the river, listened to birds sing, and found a little free library. We enjoyed Caribou drinks and some chocolate truffles from my sister and brother-in-law. I always give Lydia a gift in Dave’s honor, so yesterday she received some STEM toys (dealing with various topics like, gravity, electric circuits, and lasers). Then, my neighbor/friend came over to chat. We talked for hours and it was so great to catch up! I appreciated all the calls, texts, phone calls, and gifts from friends and family. Thanks so much!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Fear/Don't Fake Brave, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance

See A Victory

“The weapon may be formed, but it won’t prosper
When the darkness falls, it won’t prevail
‘Cause the God I serve knows only how to triumph
My God will never fail
Oh, my God will never fail

I’m gonna see a victory
I’m gonna see a victory
For the battle belongs to You, Lord”

–From “See A Victory” by Elevation Worship

This coming Friday marks seven years since Dave died. It doesn’t seem like it should already be that long, but here we are. I am so grateful for God’s faithfulness.

Lydia continues to process what Dave’s absence means for her. It is an on going development as she learns and grows. We’ve had many in-depth conversations in the last six months, in particular. Thanks for your continued prayers.

It is still bittersweet at times, but I am amazed when I think about how far God has brought us. We have certainly had our battles, but each time, God has come through for us.

Just think: God has never lost a battle. He always claims Victory!

I don’t know what life would be like if Dave were still here. He could still be sick or totally healed. But truthfully, it does me no good to think about all the ‘what ifs,’ and I don’t have time or mental space for that rabbit trail.

What I do know is this: I have seen major Victories in my life that I probably would not have noticed or achieved any other way. For instance, I started this blog and put myself ‘out there.’ I wrote a book (details soon!!!) and started a business. I have continued learning various skills and am teaching others. In the fall, I started an awesome job serving Veterans. I have grown through parenting Lydia. That’s the short list! 

If things had turned out differently, perhaps I would not have been compelled to cling to the Lord in the way I have. And, I would have continued second-guessing myself and my ability. Not anymore!

Becoming who I am now has taken time, effort, and a lot of intention. But, I am not the same person. I am stronger and more stable. I make quicker and more solid decisions, without fearing the outcomes like I used to. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, just that I am more confident when I say YES and when I say NO.

Victory, for me, is choosing faith as my default, not fear.  This big Victory has lead to many smaller Victories along the way. They just keep coming!

As a result, I have much more peace internally. I don’t feel the need to prove myself or do things perfectly. I have stopped putting limits on what I can do! I am happy to be just me, knowing with Jesus, that is enough.

I have also made various lifestyle changes in recent years. I still am involved with several activities, but they are choices I make on purpose. I want to, not I ‘have’ to.

I have taken on more challenges and cool projects as my capacity has grown. We don’t think about grief every day, thankfully, so we are able to handle other things. Plus, Lydia has been able to care for many of her own needs. I still supervise and help, of course.

Lydia and I enjoy doing a lot of fun things these days. When she was little, it felt more like survival mode. She need a lot of care and I was grieving. But now, we are thriving.

For Mother’s Day, on Sunday, Lydia gave me a little book that she filled out all on her own. (Thanks to my mom for buying it and sending it to her!) A common theme was that I have taught Lydia to be brave and not give up. Amen!

Ironically, I could never show Lydia bravery or perseverance if I hadn’t had to face my worst fears. And, I couldn’t do that without Jesus. He taught me what it means to be brave, and now I have the honor of passing those lessons on.

These days, we play games, go on adventures, make food and art together, and laugh a whole lot. On Friday, we will do something fun to celebrate Dave’s life and memory. We may eat his favorite foods, play a game, or go on a walk.

I will also give Lydia a special gift in Dave’s honor. He would be so very proud of her.

Loving Jesus, and living a fun, adventurous faith-filled life… a wholehearted Victory!

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Heavenly Father, all praise and honor to YOU!! Thanks for all the Victories in my life (including many more I haven’t mentioned here!). Help me continue to trust You for greater things! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What Victories have you seen in your life this year? What would you do if you had unlimited resources and there was no way you could fail?

Tasks: Listen to “See A Victory” by Elevation Worship. Trust God and make bold moves today. We cannot lose with Jesus on our side! He has never lost a battle! Victory is His!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Prayer

Mountain Mover

I sure am grateful for Jesus! I appreciate how His faithfulness and reliability. He always makes a way for us. He always comes through!

Thanks, Lord, for your unfailing love!

Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking about my day and all that I needed to do. I also thought about upcoming plans and events that I need to prepare for (at work, home, church, Lydia’s school and daycare, etc). Each day is a little different, of course.

No big deal, just some loose ends. All that is fairly normal, but I felt overwhelmed. So, I did the best thing I could do. I prayed! In the early morning, I try to keep it simple.

Often, this looks like, “God, I really can’t do this on my own. I have no idea how I am going to accomplish all of this. But You do. I really need Your help! Can you please…??” 

The ellipses above may be filled in with any of several phrases:

–help this person get back to me     –help that person be available

–help that patient come early     –help the timing because I don’t have much margin

–help me to remember that later     –help me finish this task

After I prayed for God’s help, I decided to take my day head-on, trusting Him to come through for me. Soon, it became fun to see how it all worked out!

I ate a good breakfast and got in some exercise before work. Woohoo! I felt good mentally and physically, and those endorphins carried through the day. Then, I heard a great song on the radio! By God’s grace, the rest of my day went smoothly, too.

I had a lighter day at work, but still had a lot going on. One patient came early, which gave me some time before my next patient. 🙂 I was also able to take another patient to help a coworker, and I caught up on other tasks (will do more today). I managed to do everything assigned to me, but God “rearranged” my schedule!

Also, I made a little progress on some plans and goals at home.

Later, I reflected on all of the above. In a brief moment of insecurity, I wondered, “What is going on? Have I lost my game?! I used to have more balance and was really good at x, y, and z.” Then, it hit me!

I realized that while most of these random issues are common, my circumstances have changed dramatically over the years.

How I dealt with things in the past versus now has changed accordingly. I am still ‘competent,’ but years ago, I had more flexibility in my schedule, more help, and more brainpower to put toward all these random issues. HA!!

Now, I am a single mom and homeowner with no family nearby. It’s safe to say I have different priorities, though ongoing stress and inadequate sleep doesn’t help. 😉

The song I heard on the radio, “Believer,” by Rhett Walker, is about how God works in us.

“I am a mountain mover, water walker
More than just an overcomer ‘Cause I’ve been set free.”

It’s a fun, catchy song, but for me, God is my power source! I can’t do anything good on my own, but He is the ultimate mountain mover! He also redirects me all throughout the day. Sometimes, He moves the mountain, and sometimes, He moves me!

I give God my many weaknesses, and He gives me His strength. Nothing stands in His way! Similarly, you don’t have fear or worry, either.

God is the Eternal Rock! He’s got us covered!

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God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for being so trustworthy and for empowering me to live for You. Help me listen and obey; I don’t want to do this alone. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you remember to ask God for help every day? Before your problems arise?! 🙂

Tasks: Put your faith in Jesus, and don’t try to solve your problems on your own! Listen to the song, “Believer,” by Rhett Walker.

 

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Parenting

Finding Grace #207

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week flew by and was a lot of fun! Lydia and I each had the day off on Monday, due to Presidents Day. After her dentist appointment, we went shopping and ended up at the bookstore. She read a book while I worked on a project. We enjoyed a pretzel, too!

Work went well this week, and I enjoyed my time with patients and coworkers! We even had a departmental social time which involved root beer floats. I am grateful!

On Wednesday, we went to church for AWANA. Lydia did well, and I was proud of her for helping others learn their Bible verses. Those kids are really precious!

On Thursday evening, Lydia and I met a friend’s new baby. It was cute seeing Lydia hold him. She is really into babies right now, and I enjoyed her excitement.

Speaking of Lydia, she’s growing up fast! She has been making several of her own meals (with some supervision). For quite a while, I have been finding sweet little love notes all around the house. She leaves them for me in various places, including on my calendar, my coffee pot, my bathroom mirror, my nightstand, my treadmill, etc. This week, she even cut out a note with sliced beets!

We had some frigid temperatures early in the week, but this weekend has been absolutely gorgeous! It was nearly forty degrees and sunny today, prompting me to finally get my car washed. It probably won’t stay clean for long because now the snow is starting to melt! Lydia and I ran some errands and stopped by Caribou Coffee for a treat today. 

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Finding Grace Weekly Recap, Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Wisdom, Worship

Finding Grace #206

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week turned out differently than planned, but I really appreciated God directing my steps! Life always ends up well when we do it His way. And by that, I mean talking with God and letting Him lead us through each situation on His terms and in His time.

Tuesday was a really beautiful day, perfect for going to dinner with some coworkers! I am so thankful for these awesome ladies! They are gracious to let Lydia tag along with us. We tried out a restaurant just across the  Red River in Moorhead, MN. Lydia and I shared a half-price appetizer and split a couple of small pizzas (we took home yummy leftovers).

This week, the weather changed my plans, but again, that wasn’t all bad. There was a ‘ground blizzard’ on Wednesday and school was canceled. Kinda crazy how fast the storm came overnight! Thankfully, Lydia still had a daycare option so I could go to work. It ended up being a very busy day, and I am glad I didn’t have to miss all my patients! Our evening plans were canceled too, so Lydia and I had a fun time hanging out together!

My Thursday evening plans also changed, in part due to the cold weather. Lydia and I took advantage of the extra time to make tacos! I appreciated the slower pace for a change.

On Friday, Valentine’s Day, I received some gorgeous flowers from my sister, which reminds me Spring is around the corner. I also received some exciting news and a box of chocolates in the mail. Furthermore, I enjoyed some ‘me time’ which doesn’t happen very often. It was absolutely glorious to read a book, take a nap, watch a movie, and enjoy some special foods with Lydia after school. There are so many ways to be happy; it was good to soak up God’s unfailing, neverending love!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Perseverance, Prayer, Wisdom, Worship

The Gift of Time

Yesterday, I ran into a coworker on the way out of my building. Someone in her family died last year, and she is still grieving the loss. I don’t see her often, but I try to smile and encourage her whenever I can.

I briefly asked her how she was doing, and she thanked me for asking. We talked about it for a few minutes, and I hugged her before I left to go home.

While God can come through for us in an instant, it seems He often makes us walk through our difficulties. Why is that? Why doesn’t He just swoop in and save the day?

When we don’t see answers to prayer, it can feel like God isn’t listening or He doesn’t care. Or in certain cases, when we don’t see God at work to solve our problems, maybe it seems He has abandoned us. Honestly, I felt all of these things when my husband was sick. 

Thankfully, our feelings do not dictate reality. God never leaves us nor forsakes us! And, if you are feeling lost or alone or helpless, you are perfectly positioned to receive His grace.

With our limited human perspective, there’s no way we can understand God’s purposes or plan. Often, we don’t know all that’s going on behind the scenes, how God is orchestrating it for our good and His glory. But that doesn’t mean He isn’t working.

That’s why we need to come to Him, to gain understanding from His viewpoint.

God’s love never fails. As we work through our emotions and other challenges, God holds us and helps us. He is right there with us each step of the way. If you don’t feel Him, just reach out. Worship God! Call upon the Lord!

Also, remember that all of this takes time. Processing grief takes time. Growth takes time. Even forgiveness takes time. Discerning how to moving forward can take time, too.

Sometimes, it seems like time stretches on forever, with no relief in sight. I understand. There were times when I questioned if I would ever feel like myself again!

But there is purpose in waiting, too. If we wait on the Lord expectantly and bring all our concerns to Him, He will redeem our pain and make something beautiful in His time.

I have learned that time itself is a gift. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, so let’s make the most of the time we do have. Slow progress is still progress!

And by walking slowly with Jesus, He will point out what we need to know along the way.  For example, if we rush through and skip the grieving process (if that’s even possible), think about all we might miss.

Personally, I would have missed out on seeing God’s sweet and refreshing grace.

So yes, take time to grieve well. Take time for who and what you love. Spend time with Jesus.

As we learn to cope in healthy ways, we can pass on what we’ve learned to help other people. Hope. Healing. Love. Joy. Peace. Grace.

As we share our stories and resources, we all grow and become stronger together. And, by extending grace to others, we notice more of it in our lives as well.

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Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of time. Thanks for walking with us each step of the way. When so much time passes and we don’t see resolution or restoration, help us trust in You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: If you had immeasurable time, what would you do? Would you try to “fix” your problems or try something new or help someone?

Tasks: Since none of us has immeasurable time, we must use what we have wisely. Go ahead and take the leap! Trust God and see what happens!

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Miscellaneous, Perseverance

Pillows and Pizza

Can you believe we are already one full week into the new year/decade?! Yes, Christmas was already two weeks ago! Just like clockwork, here we are! 🙂

Yesterday, I celebrated my 12th wedding anniversary, and of all the awesome Christmas gifts we received, one stands out to me. My sister and sister-in-law made me two beautiful pillows (pictured below)!

Receiving the pillows was such a wonderful surprise! Their kindness made me feel so special because I love birds (peacocks are especially pretty). Blue and green are my favorite colors, and the blue satiny material is from my sister’s bridesmaid dress.

Every time I look at the pillows, I not only have fun memories of Dave, but I also imagine all the effort that was put into them. They spent a lot of time traveling to each other’s homes (2+ hours away) and thinking ahead about how to piece the materials together. In fact, that these dear ladies wanted to bless me is a gift in itself!

Yesterday was a good day all around. I saw it on my calendar, of course, but it didn’t faze me like Dave’s recent birthday. For some reason, our anniversary doesn’t hurt as much.

It was about ten degrees outside (felt much colder, below zero), but the lovely blue-skied day made everything feel bright! I felt cheerful and grateful.

My mom left an encouraging voice mail while I was at work, and when I got off, I called her back. We laughed as we reminisced and told ‘Dave stories.’

After that, I ran a few errands before picking up Lydia. As we got in the car, I asked her if she wanted to get pizza from Papa Murphy’s. Then, we invited a friend to join us. We had a fun evening together and shared more memories of Dave.

Pillows and pizza. These are just some of the ways I see God show me His love and grace. I appreciate it when people take the time to encourage me and pray for me… So thank you!

I can feel everyone cheering me on, and it makes all the difference!

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God, thanks for showing me your love and grace through the kindness of other people. Help me be a blessing to others and bring them comfort, too. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are you celebrating this week? Something special or something routine?

Tasks: When you have the chance to bless someone, go for it! No gift is too small.

Posted on in Journey of Grace, Life is Short, Miscellaneous, Parenting, Perseverance, Worship

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Welcome to 2020!! Wow, that has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?!

Recently on social media, people were having a ‘decade challenge’ where they posted a picture of themselves in 2009 and 2019. It was cool to see how many people have stayed the same and/or changed.

I didn’t post any pictures, in part because I couldn’t find any pictures of me from 2009 without a lot of effort. Hey, it’s been ten years! 😉

Nonetheless, I have certainly been thinking about all that has happened in the last decade. After all, hindsight is 20/20. 😉 It is important to remember all the things we’ve been through. Not because we should stay there, but so we can learn and grow past them.

Here is a brief recap of my last decade. I’m looking back while still moving forward. Also, I did find a picture of me with Dave right before we moved to North Dakota in early 2010. Close enough! 🙂

2009: Dave and I celebrated one year of marriage. We also went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. The wise principles we learned through this course put us on the same page in our marriage by giving us common goals and helping us communicate better. Only God could know what was coming next, and I’m extremely grateful for the impact that course had on both our finances and our marriage.

2010: With my support, Dave decided to apply for a job in West Fargo, North Dakota, with Caterpillar. He was hired almost immediately, and that set the stage for the biggest challenges of our lives. We felt God was calling us to a big adventure, though had we known what that entailed, perhaps we would have stayed put. Still, we moved twelve hours away from our family and friends and soon settled into our brand new home and community. Dave had so much fun using his snowblower to clear several feet of snow that year!

2011: The highlights here include meeting many new neighbors and friends at church. However, it was difficult to be far from family, and we had to miss several fun events. Later that year, Dave and I celebrated Lydia Ruth’s arrival. She was named after my grandmother, who died the year before. I will never forget the pure joy on Dave’s face when Lydia was born. He was so very proud to be her Daddy!

2012: One afternoon in early May 2012, Dave came home from work early and stayed in bed for a week. He felt sick and had no energy. I could hear his stomach making sounds from over ten feet away. On Mother’s Day, I took him to the ER and he was admitted. We soon found out he had Stage IV colon cancer. Lydia was not quite six months old. We spent the rest of the year going through chemo and two major surgeries. Through this, God used cancer to expose my deepest fears and challenge my faith. It was grueling, as you can imagine, but Dave’s positive attitude will always stand out in my mind.

2013: A very difficult year. Dave continued to decline and was in the hospital more than he was at home. He had a third major surgery in April. My faith was in crisis mode. At first, he rebounded, thanks to the amazing support of our loving family and friends. But on May 15th, 2013, Dave died at the age of 34 and my life as a widowed single mom began. I was 30 years old. Even in the midst of shock and immense heartache, I knew I needed to give myself time to properly grieve. By this point, all I could do was cling to Jesus. Whereas cancer rocked my faith, grief is where my faith was remade. I’m grateful God caught me and held me through it all.

2014: Dave and I had previously tried to dedicate Lydia at church, but each time, he had been too sick. So, in May 2014 (around the one-year anniversary of his death), I decided to do it on my own. For me, it was a huge step forward because it was scary to stand in front of everyone as a single mom. But, in terms of faith, it felt like I needed to draw a line in the sand and make a stand. For me, it was a Joshua 24:15 moment: “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

2015: I continued to work through various aspects of grief. (That could be said about every year since!) In May 2015, I decided to start blogging to mark our path of moving forward and finding God’s grace along the way. For months, I worked behind the scenes to learn the system and prepare. It took me a little while to find the courage to ‘put myself out there,’ but I finally went live in August. I’m so glad I did!

2016: Lydia began preschool in the fall. I wasn’t sure of where to send her, but God lead me to just the right place. Lydia’s teachers really connected well with her, and it was fun to see how she grew that year. Also, Lydia felt comfortable to start talking more about Dave to her teachers and little friends. I was concerned about this at first, but her teachers wisely and graciously helped us through that. They gave Lydia all the time, space, and resources to explain herself and come to terms with the loss in her own little way. I’m forever grateful and we have continued to roll with it as best we can.

2017: A year of transition. The company I worked for was bought out by a larger healthcare organization. My job was merged into the new system. It was scary, but I am glad I stuck it out. During this time, I also had a friend stay with us for six months while she got back on her feet. It was a fun time and our friendship grew stronger. That fall, Lydia started Kindergarten. It felt like a huge milestone!

2018: My parents moved to Florida in the spring. It was a little sad for me, but I am happy they have adjusted so well! We went to visit them during Lydia’s birthday and had a great time. Among other fun adventures, Lydia also started first grade. Our most stable year!

2019: Yet another transitional year. In February, I contacted a dietitian friend and talked with her about something related to Dave. Then, summer came and she contacted me about a new job! I had prayerfully felt something new was coming, and I am so glad I decided to apply. I have been there since August and it has been a huge blessing to me. There have been challenges in terms of daycare and other adjustments, but I am really grateful for the opportunity.

So what’s next? Well, only God knows. 🙂 But as I look back over the years, I see one transition after another. Yes, growth means changing through the ups and downs.

A good attitude always helps as we trust God to turn each problem into something good. I am looking forward to seeing His faithfulness as we continue on this great adventure.

“You’ve been so, so good to me. You’ve been so, so good to me. Oh, to think where I would be, if not for You, if not for You.” —Remembrance by Hillsong Worship

Despite my many challenges over the last ten years, God has never left me on my own. Each step of the way, He has helped me. I didn’t always understand how He was working, but I can see it now. And, I am grateful for His grace and goodness toward me.

I don’t know what your last decade entailed, but I hope you can see how God came through for you. He has not forgotten you. He fights for you and loves you very much!

Our Victory is in Jesus!

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God, be praised! We cannot thank You enough for all You have done for us. As we look back and see Your faithfulness, please build our trust. Give us the courage to keep moving forward, knowing You will lead us and catch us when we fall. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What challenges and victories have you faced over the last year…or ten? Can you see God’s hand in your circumstances, working them out for good?

Tasks: Write down the challenges you faced and the coinciding victories. Then, give God praise. If you haven’t seen anything good just yet, hang on! It’s coming!