Book Review: And Still She Laughs

I recently finished a book called, And Still She Laughs: Defiant Joy in the Depths of Suffering, by Kate Merrick. This book took me by surprise. (No affiliate links!) It is somewhat like a memoir in that the author explains some details of her story. Her 8 year old daughter died of cancer and she shares glimpses into that ordeal.

Even though this tragedy happened years before, the book was more ‘raw’ than I expected. Still, I enjoyed it! While anyone could benefit from this book, I’d highly recommend the book for someone in the early years of grief and loss.

I really appreciated how the author compared her story to three ladies in the Bible. Ms. Merrick and King David’s mistress, Bathsheba, both lost a child under very different circumstances. Yet, God used the ups and downs, shame and embarrassment of Bathsheba’s story to comfort the author. Ms. Merrick wrote how Bathsheba walked with her through this chapter of her life.

Next, Abraham’s wife, Sarah, longed for a child so much that she took matters into her own hands. This created so… many… other… problems. I have read this story in Genesis 18:9-15 countless times—but somehow I must’ve misinterpreted Sarah’s laugh. I always thought she laughed because she was nervous… Nope!

9 “Where is your wife Sarah?” they asked him. “There, in the tent,” he said.

10 Then one of them said, “I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son.”

Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

13 Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ 14 Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, “I did not laugh.” But he said, “Yes, you did laugh.”

Perhaps the biggest revelation to me in this entire book was that Sarah laughed out of bitterness. I imagine an eye roll with attitude, like, “Ha! Yeah right! I’ll believe that when it happens…” After years of waiting, she had let herself grow bitter with disappointment and unfulfilled dreams. Not only was I surprised by this, I was somewhat convicted too.

Because I realized… sometimes I act similarly. Whenever God shows me something good He wants to give me, but then makes me wait it out, I tend to doubt His goodness and plan. If I’m not careful, I can let that grow into bitterness and reject all the good God wants to do in me, for me, with me, and through me.

God is so gracious to heal and forgive! Sarah trusted God and then named her promised son, Isaac, which means laughter. What joy she must have felt after all those years! After this chapter, I decided to keep an open mind and not automatically laugh away things I don’t understand.

The last Biblical heroine to be discussed was Mary, the mother of Jesus. Again, this was rather enlightening because often, I read her story focused on the action surrounding Jesus…not on how she must’ve felt about all that happened.

It is interesting to compare and contrast these three ladies in Jesus’ genealogy. Where Bathsheba was comforting, and Sarah was convicting, Mary was challenging. Mary just had so much faith in what Jesus could/can do! Despite watching her beloved Son suffer and die on the Cross, she found joy in God’s promises to her.

The books ties up with a glimpse at the Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Regardless of our circumstances, we can choose joy—and even laugh—because of all Jesus has done (and continues to do) for us.

It’s safe to say, I gleaned more from this book than I thought I would.

There is freedom knowing Jesus carries us. We don’t have to solve all our problems; we just have to come to Him. We can laugh (or cry) in His presence and He will heal our hearts.

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God, thanks for the healing You bring. You are so good! Thanks for giving us joy and the ability to laugh despite our circumstances. May we stay in Your presence and soak up Your grace. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you read any good books lately? Do you have a recommendation for me?!

Tasks: If you are grieving or know someone who is, consider this book. <3

Book Review: When God Doesn’t Fix It

Recently, I finished another book that I’d highly recommend to anyone dealing with grief or trying to understand how life has turned out so differently than planned…

The book is called, When God Doesn’t Fix It, by Laura Story. Like the other memoir I reviewed, this book also was published two years ago, but I wasn’t ready for it then. I’m so grateful for God’s healing grace—and for how far He has brought me!

The author is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and worship leader. But twelve years ago, her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and underwent a ‘successful’ surgery. However, he now has several deficits including short-term memory problems and loss of peripheral vision. Parts of the story are very funny and other parts are very poignant.

The book has many parallels to my own story, yet both are still unique. Of course, I can relate to the ups and downs of dealing with health issues. When he was sick with cancer, my late-husband, Dave required more care as time went on, but didn’t improve. Life never returned to the way it was.

Ms. Story dispels several myths we believe about God and shows the Truth using Scripture. The Lord always keeps His promises (See 2 Corinthians 1:20)! But often, we place expectations on Him that He never agreed to do for us. Then, we tend to feel betrayed and blame God when He doesn’t come through like we think He should.

Take, for example, the subject of healing. Indeed, Jesus certainly did heal many people. However, as great as that was, physical healing was not His main goal. We see in Luke 19:10 that Jesus came “to seek and to save that which was lost.” Thus, He had a greater purpose in mind than just physical healing…

(The book gives more details and more examples, but I can trust the Lord for greater things in my life too!)

I appreciated that Ms. Story wrote honestly about her faith journey, one that has more questions than answers. She and her family have repeatedly prayed for healing but have had to learn to move forward without the resolution they desire. Her husband’s condition has not improved, but they have chosen to grow through the experience.

Ms. Story didn’t pretend to understand the “why factor.” Instead of demanding God to fix her family’s problems, they are embracing the present journey. They are choosing to praise Jesus and live for Him, becoming better, not bitter.

This book reminds me that we don’t have to have all the answers to walk by faith.

God is SO good!!

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Father God, thanks for all You do for me. Thanks for graciously guiding me and providing for me. Help me to praise You even when I don’t understand my circumstances. Help me to walk in faith! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: What are your God-sized questions that seem to have no answers? How can you trust Jesus and move forward?

Tasks: Listen to the song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story. If you read her book, When God Doesn’t Fix It, let me know what you think!

Finding Grace #112

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full of beautiful weather and God’s grace! Lydia played outside on several days and it was all around enjoyable for both of us. Thank You, Jesus!

Work went well and included a meeting with several dietitians and nurses! It was nice to have a change of pace and connect with other like-minded health professionals.

I finished a great audiobook this week and have been contemplating God’s grace ever since. When Breath Becomes Air, by the late Paul Kalanithi, was so good. It was as comforting and encouraging as it was bittersweet. It was a great reminder to not take anything for granted… Not our day or job or time, and not our family or friends or health.

Lydia had an exciting week at school, which included a field trip and school program. On Friday, after her ‘Three Piggy Opera,’ we went to the bookstore, read a dozen books and ate a sweet treat. Then, we visited a music store and a gift shop, before eating dinner at Blaze Pizza. Then, we watched the movie ‘Pele’ on Netflix. We had the best time together! I love my sweet girl! God is so good to me…

Today, we enjoyed the gorgeous weather around 60 degrees! Lydia played outside with friends while I updated our little free library. We noticed my tulips coming up and also the start of green grass!! Praise God!

Where did you find God’s grace this week?

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Book Review: When Breath Becomes Air

This week I finished a book that has been in my queue for quite some time. The book, When Breath Becomes Air, was published in 2016, but in all honesty, I wasn’t ready for it back then.

Several friends recommended the book, but I didn’t know if I could handle the intensity at the time. I didn’t want to get sucked into another cycle of grief!

Now, however, I am in a much different place. I decided to listen to the audio version, but I do have a copy of the physical book as well. I highly recommend this book!

The book was written by Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon diagnosed with lung cancer in 2013 at the age of 36. He died in March 2015 just before his 38th birthday, and this book tracks his journey from physician to patient.

The story is quite compelling on its own, but even more so because of our own experience with cancer. I was struck by the similarities between this story and ours.

Mr. Kalanithi was on the verge of reaching his career goals—yet was sidetracked with sickness. Like my late husband, Dave, he did his best at work—regardless of how he felt physically. Both men loved their jobs!

The book also discusses how terminal illness can make a marriage and other relationships stronger. That happened to us too. Mr. Kalanithi sought to secure a good future for his wife, Lucy, and infant daughter, who was born while he was sick. He was always thinking about them.

As his death grew nearer, time seemed to slow down for the author. All of his accolades and accomplishments did not matter. He just wanted to soak up time with his wife, little daughter, and other loved ones.

Mr. Kalanithi was particularly close to his family, and I appreciated the fact that they were so supportive. I, too, am grateful for all the support we have received from family and friends!

For much of the book, it was as if I was hearing Dave tell his side of the story. I found it comforting to perhaps understand a little more about how Dave might’ve felt.

The book was different enough from my experiences that I didn’t have a hard time listening. Yet, the last few chapters were quite compelling because the author’s thoughts, feelings, and physical limitations paralleled what I went through with Dave.

Despite the heartbreak, it was reassuring to hear the same types of questions we dealt with regarding chemo, palliative care, and end of life decisions.

I was encouraged to hear Mr. Kalanithi talk about his faith and hope. He knew the risks and statistics about lung cancer but was never hopeless. He wanted to live his life to the fullest and sought purpose and meaning each day.

Both Mr. Kalanithi and Dave were in their mid-thirties when they were diagnosed and died. Mr. Kalanithi had lung cancer and Dave had colon cancer, but both are not as common in younger people. (Though, that may be changing now.)

Both men had young daughters too little to remember their fathers. Cady Kalanthi was 8 months old when her daddy died; Lydia was 17 months old when Dave died. I’m thankful for the legacies these men left behind.

Neither the author nor my late husband spent much time feeling sorry for themselves. They didn’t complain, but were brave and set an example for others!

If you haven’t already read this book, please consider it! It was helpful to remember that my story is not all that unique. Instead of focusing on all I have lost, I can cherish what I do have: Lydia and precious memories.

Praise God, I also have hope and a good future ahead of me (Jeremiah 29:11)! Yes, Life has turned out differently than expected, but Jesus has been so faithful all these years.

He is so good to us!

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Dear God, thanks for taking such good care of me. Thanks for Your protection and provision through life’s ups and downs. Thank You for your grace! I trust You for a good future. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Have you read any good books lately? Do prefer physical books or audiobooks or ebooks?

Tasks: Check out this book! Let me know what you think!

Finding Grace #110

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

As I reflect on God’s grace this week, I am filled with gratitude. It was a full week, and while we accomplished a lot, it didn’t seem too daunting. It was fun and relaxing!

This week was filled with creative pursuits! I tried a few new recipes, including a spaghetti sauce with no added sugar. I met some personal writing goals as well. This boost of creativity carried over to my dreams, too! I had several interesting dreams and slept very soundly! In one dream, I was trying to sell a house, but the house kept morphing between a tree house, brick house, and condo. Another dream revolved around politics and a circus… perhaps it mirrored real life in more than one way! 🙂

Perhaps my vivid dreams were also related to two intense audiobooks I finished. The books, If I Run, and, If I’m Found, by Terri Blackstock, kept me in suspense. I had to take a break at times to let the intensity subside, but both were very well-written. I have the audio version of the third book, If I Live, too. I hope to listen to it soon!

On Wednesday, I shared my story with a group of moms at my church. I always appreciate any opportunity to speak about God’s grace in my life. It is healing for me! Each of our personal stories has value. As we share our stories with each other, we are encouraged to embrace what God is doing in our lives. He is so good!

On Thursday, we took a tour of Lydia’s new school for next year. It was fun to see so many neighbors! We enjoyed learning about the school and meeting some of the staff. Everyone was friendly and Lydia should have a smooth transition in the fall.

We still have a decent amount of snow on the ground, but much of it melted this week. We were “supposed” to get more snow this weekend, but I think we will miss it. Many friends across the Midwest got hit instead… Thankfully, I saw a few more signs of spring. I saw the return of songbirds this week, including Mr. House Finch who serenaded me on Thursday and Friday! 🙂

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #99

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full but good! Once again, I felt God directing my steps each day. I helped friends, met important writing deadlines, and was productive at work. I’m grateful!

Recently, I noticed my furnace wasn’t quite working like it should. I set up an appointment for this week to have it checked out. Turns out, the furnace was fine and just needed a little servicing. I will make sure to keep the maintenance up from now on… Oddly enough, the batteries in my thermostat needed to be changed, though they have lasted about 7 years as-is! Thankfully, the batteries were an inexpensive fix! 

On Wednesday, Lydia scored a book called, The Book With No Pictures, which she loved. She remembered it from last year and started reading it to herself in the bookstore. I couldn’t resist buying it for her. She kept laughing for about an hour!

After several years of going back-and-forth, I finally decided to get a remote starter for my car. I had a coupon, so that helped. 😉 A friend and I went to coffee during that time, and we also enjoyed some tasty treats. I was thankful for the good conversation and a ride!

The weather was fairly mild this week in the upper twenties and thirties. Spring is still a long way off (at least in Fargo), but I can see it will be here before we know it!

Lydia cheered at today’s basketball games (for Upward Sports). She is really enjoying it! The basketball players must’ve been in Kindergarten or first grade. They were so little but surprisingly coordinated. We are looking forward to a great season!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #92

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing with God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This was a good and interesting week as I saw God working all around me! On Monday, Lydia’s school let out two hours early due to blizzard conditions. A blizzard means poor visibility, not necessarily a ton of snow. I ran two errands just as the storm was starting and was glad to get home safe. When I picked her up from the bus, Lydia said, “Mom, I am only a little sad…because I love school so much!” We spent the rest of the day doing fun little projects!

Early in the week, I met with some ladies in a writing group. We meet once a month, and I shared about my blog. It was fun to see how much I have grown through the writing process. Later in the week, I had another important writing meeting. I left feeling encouraged about a big project. There is still a lot to do, but I am on the right track!

This week, I shared a video with a friend after we talked at church. The video was about something called a Journible. This is a simple little journaling book in which one can copy the Bible by hand. There are many benefits, including understanding and remembering God’s word at a new level. I have a few friends who decided to do this with me. If you would like to join us (or need more information), leave a comment here or check out Grace and Lemonade on Facebook. I will post more information there. I’m excited to encounter God’s word in a more personal way!

Lydia and I decorated our Christmas tree last night. We listened to Christmas music, and I tried my best not to be sentimental. It is still a little bittersweet to put up old ornaments that Dave loved so much. But, seeing Lydia’s face light up was well worth the emotions I was facing. This season, I am choosing to walk in Victory!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Little Red Library on 8th

“Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.” –Harry S. Truman

Recently I decided to put a ‘little free library’ (LFL) in my front yard. An LFL is essentially a free neighborhood book exchange. Typically, it consists of a wooden, water-resistant box on a post in a yard or common area. But, I have seen other creative LFLs like a repurposed newspaper vending machine or a telephone booth. The ideas are endless!

A few weeks ago—right before my birthday—my neighbor across the street pointed out an LFL a couple blocks away. I was hooked on the idea and immediately started considering options for my yard. The more the merrier!

The ‘caretaker’ of a little free library is called a steward. I asked for input from the steward of the library near me. He was kind to answer my questions and provide some insight into the decisions I was making. Lydia and I also went on a scavenger hunt around Fargo to see others and get ideas for what we wanted to do.

I have already been to that other little library about four times out of curiosity! However, I wondered if an LFL closer to my area might get a different level of traffic. We each live near the same school and parks, but I am closer to about seven apartments and see a lot of foot traffic from kids, dogs, and bikes.

Either way, I don’t think you can have too many book exchanges in one area! 🙂

While many people decide to build their own little library, I decided to purchase everything. For me, it came down to cost versus time and ease. Without the right tools and experience, it was worth a little money and peace of mind to make sure everything was done well. Plus, I wanted to beat the cooler weather!!

I used birthday money from my parents and in-laws to cover some of the cost. Books were a huge part of growing up for me. I have always loved to read and learn through books. In fact, each year, my mom volunteered to listen to kids read at school.

Mom was an extra pair of ears for the teachers. Indeed, many of my peers still attribute their reading skills to her sitting with and listening to them. Similarly, my mother-in-law has worked with children for many years, too. So it seems fitting to honor them in this way.

It felt like perfect timing in that everything I ordered was delivered exactly five minutes after my aunt and uncle arrived last week. It was a blessing my uncle could help me with this project on a moment’s notice! I’m so grateful!

“The more you read, the more you know.
The more you know, the smarter you grow.
The smarter you grow, the stronger your voice,
when speaking your mind or making your choice.”

The overall goals of the little free library movement are to strengthen communities and inspire readers. Going to the regular public library is good too! But some people just won’t get there (due to a variety of factors). Plus, then you have to return those books. 😉

With the LFLs, you don’t have to return the books. Of course, it is good manners to return or at least replace the book…but not mandatory. Yay for stress free reading!

I’m excited to see what books pop up in the little library.

Reading is not only fun, but it can be empowering, too. Reading opens up the world of imagination and creative thinking. Books can lead to great conversations and exchange of ideas. Books can teach and offer different perspectives.

To me, good reading skills are key to lifelong learning. I read somewhere that if parents can foster the love of learning in their children, they are more likely to be successful throughout life. Apparently, the love of learning is a better predictor of success than having access to the best schools or athletic opportunities. Interesting!

Either way, reading and sharing books is a great idea! For more information, check out littlefreelibrary.org. There is even a world map of all ‘registered’ little free libraries online.

You can also follow along on my new Facebook page, find me at Little Red Library on 8th. I will highlight books in the library each week. I welcome book donations, too!

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Heavenly Father, thanks for Your love and grace! Thanks for providing a fun way to share books and reading with others! Please protect this little red library and bless all who participate. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Questions: Do you enjoy reading? What types of books or genres do you prefer?

Tasks: Follow Little Red Library on 8th on Facebook. Join in the fun! Take a book, return a book, share a book!

Finding Grace #76

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing in God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week, I saw the Lord directing my path in many areas! As we come into a new season (of weather and life), I see new opportunities on the horizon. It’s always exciting to see what the Lord has for me…but I already know I need to rely on Him for strength in this transition time. The biggest change for us is that Lydia’s going to school!

My friend came over for Taco Tuesday this week. She also helped me make final decisions on the little free library. I decided to buy everything new instead of building my own. That’s easier and quicker all around! I mentioned the idea to a few neighbors, so hopefully we can all enjoy it together. I can’t wait until it arrives and is all set up!

On Wednesday, I met a coworker for lunch. We discussed some upcoming ideas and options for me at work. I’m glad for the new opportunities I have as a result of the job merger this spring. It will be fun to see all that happens!

This week I’ve done several special activities with Lydia. In a couple weeks everything will be different… I can hardly believe it! So, we’ve been relishing our time together.  I am amazed at who she is becoming. It seems she’s grown so much even this month!

Today, Lydia and I went on a little scavenger hunt to find other ‘little libraries’ in Fargo. We saw several different styles of decorated libraries, including a newspaper vending machine-turned-robot book dispenser. We only made it to about eight of the locations, so we’ll save the rest for another day (or two). Lydia loved finding new books!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!

Finding Grace #75

I love giving God a shout out for what He has done. We don’t do that nearly enough!

You may have seen the acronym GRACE as God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense. Grace is also God’s unmerited favor, or God doing for us what we cannot.

I find grace overflowing in God’s love, joy, peace, blessings, mercy, power, provision, protection, and wisdom. Thank You, Jesus!

Where did I find God’s love and favor—His abundant grace—this week?

This week was full of God’s grace. We enjoyed my mother-in-law’s visit before she left on Tuesday. Then, Lydia and I ran errands and relaxed before the rest of the week picked up.

On Wednesday and Thursday, I attended an all-day work training. It was really good, and I felt like it was meant for me. Now, I am a ‘lifestyle coach’ for the National Diabetes Prevention Program. Instead of teaching the year long program, I facilitate it. This is much more collaborative and research shows great success long-term. In some ways, I felt like I was designed to run this program. As much as I enjoy teaching, I think I enjoy facilitating (listening, asking questions, coaching) even more. I’m excited to be a part if this exciting program! Even better, I earned 10 hours of continuing education–and my company reimbursed me the training fee. Praise God! Of note, a dear friend graciously volunteered both days to watch Lydia. I am so grateful for her help and God’s provision!

Last night, Friday, Lydia and I joined our neighbors to watch the grand finale of the Pyrotechnics Guild International. The PGI creates new fireworks each year, so it was quite the show. We sat in a nearby parking lot with snacks…so we didn’t have to deal with as much traffic! It was a fun and beautiful night!

Today, I have been celebrating my birthday! Normally, I have something planned out, but this year, I just decided to meander have a low key day. We visited friends and just hung out. I’m thankful we because I was able to enjoy the slower pace and savor each card, gift, call, text, email, or social media shoutout. I was also available for deliveries of flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries during the day. 🙂 To extend the celebration, tomorrow, I will go to lunch with a friend after church!

Recently, I came across the idea of the little free library. I’ve seen them before, but just noticed one in my neighborhood this week. I love the idea, and have a lot of my own books to share. So, I think I will buy one (or get some help building one). I just have to figure out the details on what the options are. Reading and literacy is a valuable skill to pass along!

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These are only a few examples, but God’s grace never runs out!

There’s grace in every situation—we just need to look for it. God promises if we seek Him, we will find Him (see Jeremiah 29:13)!